Hi Callisto, I am 47 and have had an eating disorder since my teens! I am currently having counselling and am doing well. I have cut my laxatives down to just 2 day of which I am really proud. I am starting to feel hungry for food for the right reasons and feel I am definately heading in the right direction.
However, I do not expect to ever be cured completely. I feel I will always be weight conscious. My aim is do be healthy, eat when I am physically hungry and enjoy it.

I detsi. Thank u for ur words...I hope I would feel hungry again and enjoy food without feeling lost and helpless. I have been loosing a little more weight lately and I have those strange mixed feeling of happiness and fear at the same time and I am trying to fight it. I practice kick-boxing, I have a blue belt and I just love it. But I have to keep a fair weight to keep going with it and that helps ´cause I don´t want to give up something that I love so much. Enjoying eating? that sounds so weird..its been so long.

Yes it does sound wierd I know. I'm looking forward to it happening though.
What is your main fear?
I have spent years not eating meals and picking at food here and there instead. This week I have decided not to pick at anything and follow a motto I read :"Do not eat on 2 feet". This has really helped me to stop nibbling and so far all is going well. I have actually been feeling hungry and wanting to eat. I am also on anti depressants which I am told are to reduce anxiety. It's early days but I am heading in the right direction at last.

My main fear is to never stop loving seeing my body getting skinner. You never forget completly that sensation of joy when u lose some weight. It feels like a great sense of power and since I m never hungry, it doesn' t even feels like sacrifice. I've never took an anti depressant...actually I ve stop my therapy. But I really feel I can beat this, if I don't I won't die from it, I will try to control it somehow. but I must confess that most of the times I really don't want it to go away. That is maybe what scares me the most: not having the power to stop loving it. Has ever been like this for u?

I still love seeing my ribs and spine and wonder if that feeling will ever go away. I have hated it for years but not had the will power to do anything about it. Why have you stopped your therapy?

I work out a lot, with my kick-boxin, so I focus on my muscles and my veins...as long as I can see it, I m fine. During the therapy sessions we discover that my father used to throw up a lot. He was a fine cook a love to eat, but I remember him throwing up almost every time he ate. But with my therapist we used to focus a lot on my relation with my husband, and I felt that I could play them both my husband and my therapist and that we were going nowhere. So one day I just stopped going. Nobody ever question it so I just did it my way. The training helps so I figure I won´t need any therapy. Anyway I wasn´t being very straight about my thoughs. I wasn´t always telling the truth, so what´s the point. Right? What hes been your lowest weight?

Sorry we are not allowed to discuss weight on this forum.
Whenever I use the words "I am fine" it means really I am not ok at all but I want to keep it to myself.
I hope that you are able to get the help ypu need and get better soon. Take care.

Thank u for ur help...But something happened lately.
thank u again. Hope You will be fine for real and for ever. but I m giving up.

Hey please don't give up you're worth too much and deserve to be happy. Pm me if you want.

Its just that I´ ve been so tired lately so empty. Somehow it looks easier this way. People that are supposed to help u are just a reminder that u are sick and makes u feel that what ever u do or say it s just a ´cause u have a problem. Some people never let u get well again, it s like everything about u is wrong . Sometimes I feel really great and happy but out of nowhere here comes the person that u think loves u and slaps u in your face with reality: u have a problem. So let it be it.
What´s Pm?

Pm is a private message. What's the background to your problem? Can you pinpoint what started it. Why do you think everyone's against you? Would like to be able to help you if I can.

I only know that my father used to eat a lot. He was a fine cook but he always ended up throwing up. I remember him throwing up a lot, but I also tend to forget things. I really don´t know when I started. I used to eat normally and always wishing to be thinner. There was a time when I was also a little overweight. But I really don´t know when it all started, its seems like forever. A couple of years ago I had a marriage crisis and it all got worse. It´s not like I think everyone is against me. My husband, sometimes it seems like he does not want me to get better. It like: do u like this shirt or the other? and he goes: I like the second better, the first one makes u look thinner and u can´t afford that, u know, ´cause u have a problem...
its just an example...he can be very cruel. thank u for trying to help me. its not easy ´cause I tend to hide so nobody would know that I´m not that ok..

Hmm I do not beleive you can actually like be cured, you just recover and learn to deal with it, I dont think it ever goes away, i had anorexia and bulimia for 5 yrs and now i eat fine and everything but I am not ok with what my body looks like i hate it. I will never be as skinny as i was before I had my kids and i hate it, sometimes i find myself falling back into those patterns but then i stop myself from getting wrapped in. I think talking to a psychologist etc is good to do for as long as you need. My theory is that there is still that distorted body image there, people have told me oh wow u look like youve lost weight and i cant tell, or maybe i still think i look fatter then i really am . I dont know, Some of you are far older then I am so kudos to you! I am only 23. But I think if i never had children i prob would have never recovered or be in recovery so to speak.
Id just like to say thanks for not posting weights on here i saw someone point that out, you are free to PM it to other members just not put out here on the public forum where those that may be struggling can read them. It can trigger them , they look at weights and numbers and in turn make it there new goal.

Tinkin , I totally agree with your first statement. I am well on the road to recovery and feel so much better, but I never expect to be cured. However if I can be healthy and in control I will be more than pleased with myself. I think this is a realistic outlook.

i know I´ll never be cured. I´m learning how to live with it. The biggest challenge for me is that I m not really afraid of dying. I focus on trying not to ´cause I do have children and they deserve to have a mother. I struggle to look healthy and happy all the time so that my kids can grow up free from it. I think they are doing great and that´s something that keeps me going. But most of the times I m very tired in my mind and anorexia is just too strong. I used to cut myself when I was younger and now I kick-box my way into life..that is almost the same.