I don't know if I feel the same as you guys. I've never really loves by life. I've always been in the in and out groups. ~Im always trying to please everyone whether that be changing myself or lieing through my teeth about everything.
Nothing seems to work. I'm semi in with the cool lads in school but I mean I'm "oli Cox" Im only there because im an easy target when it comes to ripping someone down. I can't reply with a witty comment or a snidy remark. Im not that person.
Im also in with people on the internet I play games and to fit in there I have to do something really great for example to make them feel like im good I had to boorow a server from my friend. I said i'd pay him but I can't. I did it for the sear pleasure of feeling uefull like repected.
I used to get along with my mum but things have now turned for the worst. I like being sperate and my mum things im suicidal. Sometimes I feel like that you know. but i never have the guts. Plus it will hurt my family badly.
I just want to be able to be liked. I can't be myself because no-one likes that person. I just give/tell people what they want to hear to make them like me.
I never get the ebst grades at school, I've never had a girlfriend. I'm the guy who helps people but gets treated like caca in return. I feel worthless. I only do things for the bit of gratidue i first get.
I don't why i try to please so many people. I think i just do it to be liekd. I spend ever hour making people happy. The games I play I play to be liked. I play for respect and because i just can't get any in real life.
It takes me out of reality and into somewhere else. But the same things happen then. The worst thing about it is when i do things on purpose like an idot just to hear the laugh. Even if its not with me but at me. I mean it's something right?
I don't know. I wish I could end it. I have no mates just mates that are half ther efor me because ive helped them. I know that if they didnt have to be they wouldnt.