Sexual Health - Women Forum - figuring out values

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Q: figuring out values

asked by: Skater on February 3rd, 2008

New User

Ok so here is the story: I've been dating my bf for almost two months and I have never felt this way about anyone. We both fell really hard and fast for eachother. He's 17 and I'll be 17 in a little over a week. The moment I met him I liked him.

Bottom line: It scares me how much I love and care about him.

He's on my mind all the time. With him I feel beautiful and like I"m on the moon. I love to make him smile, which doesn't happen too often because of his headaches.

Anyways, we've come really close to having sex, but stopped because he didn't have a condom and neither of us are ready to get hitched and have a kid. The part I'm struggling with and why I am in need of some advice is becuase I'm surprised at how far I'm willing to go with him without even thinking about it. I thought I would be the kind of girl who waited for marrige to have sex, but now I'm not sure what kind of girl I am. All I know is that when I"m with him it doesn't feel wrong. I know that I should talk to my mom about this, but I don't want to hurt her. She thinks that my values match hers and now that I'm struggling with figureing out what is right for me, I think I'm going in a different direction than she would like. I really don't want to hurt my mom and I just cannot understand why I'm acting in a way that, in recent past, I would have never acted. It feels like my whole world is shifting.

Crying or Very sad

Sorry this is so long. If there is any advice you can give about love, sex, and dealing with this I would appreciate it.

Replies(5)

o0Heather

replied on February 3rd, 2008

New User

Oh hon talk to your mom, you sound so sweet and smart your mom must be wonderful too. She has no doubt had these feelings herself at one time and could give you advice. I really think you should let your mother help you through this more than anyone. She will honestly look out for you whats best for you. But ya you are getting older and having feelings new and exciting. The path to the rest of your life starts with small decisions and everyday ones. You have to decide what you want for yourself. Waiting a bit until you sort out your feelings would be good. Smile

You said yourself you are not ready for the risk of pregnancy and dealing with those issues, so dont :p

Tylanas

replied on February 3rd, 2008

Especially eHealthy

You are very young and so you do have very intense emotions. I think you're very smart, both you and he. I know it's hard to visualize never being with him, but there was a point in my life when I was older than you and I thought I'd found the man of my dreams. I dated him for three years and even got engaged; but logic finally set it around that time and he and I are no longer together.

No one can predict if this relationship will last or not.

Your world IS shifting, and not only do you have to deal with it, but yes, your mom has to deal with it too. You are becoming a new person; but don't get so lost in becoming who you are that you forget who you used to be! Your mom will always be there for you; mine has been, even though all of my bull crap. Talk to her; she'd much rather know than be in the dark.

fiona05

replied on February 3rd, 2008

Supporter

it sounds as though you have been brought up with traditional values about sex. if you feel in your heart that waiting until you are married is what you believe in and it is what you want to do, then wait. But having sex before marriage does not make you a bad person and does not make you promiscuous. if you love him as much as you say you do, he feels the same way about you and it comes natural to both of you.... then as long as both of you are responsible about safe sex then there is no reason why you can not have sex. there is no 'kind of person' who has sex before marriage. everyone is different and everyone should be able to make their own choices about when they are ready to have sex without being judged.

i lost my virginity at 18 and though i'm not with that guy anymore i dont regret it cos i didn't go into the situation blind. i was not pressured. we both cared a lot for one another and we were responmsible. if you are having a really hard time about this then maybe you should wait a bit longer just so you can feel more confident that he is serious about you. it is entirely up to you.

Skater

replied on February 3rd, 2008

New User

Thanks a bunch for the advice, I really appreciate it. I'm trying to figure out exactly how I should start this chat with my mom haha. This whole thing wouldn't even be a big deal for me if I wasn't so worried about disappointing her.

fiona05

replied on February 4th, 2008

Supporter

the very fact you are willing to discuss this kind of thing with your mum is really good, you must be very close with her.

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