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Sandbox Party
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Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276
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Sexual Offender for Statutory Rape?
Posted: 02-02-08 14:38pm
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I mean seriously..
People's lives are RUINED FOREVER because
of that charge.
Prospective employers, and neighbors dont
look at WHY you have that label.. they
just see SEX OFFENDER and automatically
deem you unacceptable and turn you out to
the wolves.
I had (yes, had.. i'll tell u why in a
minute) a friend with that stigma.. He was
20.. his girlfriend was 17. Her parents
didnt deem him *suitable* for their
daughter so they pressed charges against
him for statutory rape, and won. He lived
with that label for years.. couldnt get
jobs.. no matter where he moved people
would vandalize his home, pass along death
threats. Eventually it got to the point
where he couldnt take it anymore and he
hung himself in his garge. You wouldnt
beleive the things that were being said
outside his home while the police were
there. My aunt and i finally got fed up
with it and told everyone WHY he had that
label and even went as far as printing out
the court records to show he wasnt a bad
person. The looks of embarrasment on their
faces were priceless, but it didnt and
wont bring Joey back. Neither will all the
apologies they sent out for treating him
the way they did. I grew up with this kid.
And to watch his life get thrown aside
because of a technicality.. heartbreaking.
I still miss him.
My question is... do you think that this
charge deserves such an abhorrent label?
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Tylanas
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Posted: 02-02-08 14:48pm
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I don't think statutory rape among two
underage or closely aged teens/adults
should be labeled as "Sexual Offender" as
well. Now a 30 year old and a 12 year old?
Goodness yes!! But I think that if the
people are within 2-3 years of age it
isn't even statutory rape. That's just my
opinion.
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Roberta777
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Who Is To Say
Posted: 02-02-08 19:24pm
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that two young people can't meet and fall
in love. Does your birth certificate with
the correct dates in place mean it is
honkey dorey?
Sorry Sandra for your loss of your friend.
We really do live in a cruel society
where it is just so easy to pick up that
stone and throw it. Forget the
consequences it does to somebody else.
The gang rule usually wins because there
is strength in numbers for some people
when they don't have to stand up, alone,
and accuse a person of what they consider
to be a serious offence.
One of the most successful and loving
marriages I knew were between 16 year
olds. Married for 50 years and happy until
he died.
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Birch
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Re: Who Is To Say
Posted: 02-02-08 23:24pm
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| Roberta777
wrote: |
One of the most successful and loving
marriages I knew were between 16 year
olds. Married for 50 years and happy until
he died. |
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276
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Posted: 02-02-08 23:29pm
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lmao
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 02-03-08 00:50am
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Wow Sandy, I am so sorry for your loss.
That is a tragedy. How common is it for a
man to get that label when he's had sex
with someone so close to being legal and
so close to being his age as well?
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Roberta777
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Not Really
Posted: 02-03-08 00:53am
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Just were married really young, had four
children, all the struggels that come with
raising children, having a business. Then
the hard part. Diabetes and congestive
heart failure.
My cousin is a great lady and is doing
fine. She loved her husband and he
certainly loved her. The only drawback
with being married so young was the lack
of parenting skills. They worked it out.
Their kids never quite developed the
ability to live away from their parents.
That is probably not unique to them or
their family. Just a very southern,
traditional family.
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Jincks013
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Posted: 02-03-08 09:02am
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Unfortunately this is a slippery slope. If
we do away with the statutory charges then
that gives parents and law enforcement a
harder time catching people who
deliberately set out to seduce minors, Its
true if you are 18 you shouldn't be having
sex with someone under 18, that would end
the question but in todays world of
demanding harsh sentences for crimes
people are getting caught up in it who
wouldn't usually be perps.
I am sorry for your friend but I have to
ask; why did you wait until it was that
bad before finally distributing the truth?
I'[m not picking on you but pointing out
that if PEOPLE get involved we can stop
this sort of thing from reaching such a
tragic point.
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276
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Posted: 02-03-08 17:30pm
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we tried. We would go to the home owners
meetings and try to tell them.. it wasn't
until my cousin pointed out we could print
up the court details (something we never
thought we could do so it never crossed
our minds) that we were able to provide
these people proof of his not being a
monster and was actually a good guy who
make a mistake.
This thread all spawned off of my research
into the city we're moving to this
weekend. Decatur, IL. I was looking for
sexual predators in the area (im over
protective and anal lol) and i found this
site that tells you names and addresses
and how old the two people were (offender
and victim) and found several like this
girl.. she was 21, the "victim" was 16..
First off.. he could have said he was 18.
That happens A LOT. (I don't know how many
guys i told i was 18 when I was 16..
granted i didn't sleep with them.. but
still) second.. 16 is not 10.. he more
than likely consented.
http://w
ww.isp.state.il.us/sor/offenderdetails.cfm
?SORID=E07C3722&CFID=5497480&CFTOK
EN=67193714&jsessionid=b030c82cffd6$EC
$21$E
thats her.
then this guy.. he was 18, she was 15.
*Unlawful Restraint.* That could be bad..
but it also could mean her parents walked
in on her being handcuffed to the bed
while they got their freak on and it
pissed them off.
http://w
ww.isp.state.il.us/sor/offenderdetails.cfm
?SORID=E01A6163&CFID=5497480&CFTOK
EN=67193714&jsessionid=b030c82cffd6$EC
$21$E
yes those could be legitimate charges..
but they may not be and that girls life is
beyond screwed forever because of it.
I can understand labeling the 40 year old
who sexually abused a 2 year old.. or the
39 year old who slept with the 15 year
old. But jeez.
Sad.
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fiona05
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Posted: 02-03-08 20:15pm
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that's a really awful story. i'm so
sorry.
in a country or state where the age of
consent is, say, 16, there really ought to
be a law in place that says it is not
considered statutory rape when the other
party is less than 5 years older, for
argument's sake. it is ridiculous that a
16 year old theoretically could sleep with
a 15 year old and he is criminalised for
it. whatever your views are on what age
teens should or shouldn't be having sex at
- you might think it makes them silly,
maybe irresponsible, but it certainly does
not make them criminals. i know there are
always grey areas in these matters where
you aren't sure what age is appropriate,
but for god's sake, this is just crazy.
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Jincks013
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Posted: 02-04-08 01:54am
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The problem as I am viewing it is that if
we do away with age of consent laws then
that will also undermine sexual abuse
victims who are minors and the ability to
prosecute their abusers.
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Tylanas
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Posted: 02-04-08 02:24am
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Well I don't think we have to do away with
age of consent laws at all, but simply
make them more defined. Just one
blanketing rule of "if under 18 u go 2
jail and R evil!" clearly doesn't work.
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RebelCats
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007
Posts: 132
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Posted: 02-04-08 05:56am
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I think at this point in time when need a
more across the board in all states law
about this. As it stands now it varies
from state to state. Like when I was 16 I
could could have a sexual relationship
with someone up to 5 years older than me.
But in some states this is not the case. A
few years age difference I can see if it
was an older teen.
But I large age gap I can't see. An
example of this would be a 14 year old
having sex with a 25 year old. This is
something I do have a problem with and is
something that is going on in my family as
we speak. My niece found out she was
pregnant when she had just turned 15. No
one knew she was even having sex (much
less with someone that much older) till
she became pregnant. I did not find out
the age of the guy until x-mas and I met
him and he went to school with me. Anyways
it took 8 mths before my family took a
stand against the relationship. And
honestly I don't know what my family is
going to do at this moment. But I am sorry
in this case yes I would press charges if
I was my niece's mom. There is no way in
heck I would have let this fly nearly as
long as my sister did.
BTW off topic My niece had the baby
yesterday a month early. 6lbs 10oz.
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fiona05
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Posted: 02-04-08 07:38am
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| RebelCats
wrote: | I think at this point in
time when need a more across the board in
all states law about this. As it stands
now it varies from state to state. Like
when I was 16 I could could have a sexual
relationship with someone up to 5 years
older than me. But in some states this is
not the case. A few years age difference I
can see if it was an older teen.
|
that's good in your state they have that
law. i am not aware of a similar law being
in place in the uk. gonna have to look
that up. yeah like i said i think there
are some grey areas. say if the girl is 14
for example, and the guy is 18 or 19, it
is a bit iffy. then there are cases like
your neice's where you just think whoa,
that's just not right.
a girl i know was 17 when she fell
pregnant to her boyfriend who is in his
mid thirties. i dont know how long they
were sleeping together before that. you
have to wonder what the hell a 30something
man is doing with someone young enough to
be his daughter. they're still together,
she's now 19 and expecting her third child
to him. it's messed up.
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RebelCats
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Joined: 15 Nov 2007
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Posted: 02-04-08 08:04am
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| fiona05
wrote: |
a girl i know was 17 when she fell
pregnant to her boyfriend who is in his
mid thirties. i dont know how long they
were sleeping together before that. you
have to wonder what the hell a 30something
man is doing with someone young enough to
be his daughter. they're still together,
she's now 19 and expecting her third child
to him. it's messed
up. |
For me that is an iffy area. Is the girl
mature or does she act like a 17 year old.
I say this because I met my now husband
when I was 18 and him 35. Difference was
IMO I was not the normal 18 year old. I
had been living on my own had already had
a kid, was working etc. SO there was a big
difference there IMO.
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fiona05
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Posted: 02-04-08 14:28pm
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| RebelCats
wrote: |
For me that is an iffy area. Is the girl
mature or does she act like a 17 year old.
I say this because I met my now husband
when I was 18 and him 35. Difference was
IMO I was not the normal 18 year old. I
had been living on my own had already had
a kid, was working etc. SO there was a big
difference there
IMO. |
of course. there are always exceptions!
but this girl i know is very immature for
her age, she even still has tantrums.
she's never had to be independent, she now
shares a council flat with her boyfriend,
neither of them work. yet she's still
getting pregnant every 5 minutes like it's
going out of fashion. the way i see it,
she isn't some kind of victim - the sex is
obviolusly consentual. but it doesn't stop
you thinking that there's something very
wrong with a man of his age being with
someone that young who still acts like
she's about 14!!
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Lilly Ivy
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Posted: 02-04-08 19:27pm
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3 kids in 2 years?!? ever heard of birth
control? jeez...
I was 17 when I started dating my fiancee,
who was 30. I'm now 18, he's 32, and I'm a
little over halfway through my first
pregnancy to him. He has a 9yr old boy and
I'll admit it's a little strange to have
to mother a boy half my age, but it's even
more weird that I'm closer in age to his
son than I am him. So there's some screwy
situations out there, and I'm living
proof.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend,
Sandy. It's always sad when someone takes
their life.
The 'victim' had to have had said she
didn't consent if she was over 16 (at
least in PA I know). My friend's mom tried
to press those charges on her 25yr old
boyfriend when she was almost 17, and they
couldn't because the cop asked if she
consented, she said yes, cop couldn't do
anything about it.
When my fiancee was younger, some girl
charged him with rape (charges were
dropped thank goodness). They were both
over 18 though, she bought the condom, and
if it weren't for him being a hornball at
the time, he probably could have gotten
her on rape. It just shows you that people
can't be trusted and that makes me so sad.
Just like if you see someone get into a
wreck and realize their car might explode
from the leaking gas and sparks
everywhere, you help them out of the car
so they don't shoot off like a rocket,
they can sue you for injuring them. You
can sue/press charges for anything now a
days it seems.
I only think statatory rape should be
considered if one is under 18 and there's
more than an 8yr difference. A 21 and 16
year old know what they are doing and if
there was 'rape' involved, it should be
full on rape charges and have to PROVE
they got raped and not 'oh I'm under 18 so
arrest them'. IMO
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Darkmoon
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Posted: 02-05-08 01:16am
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There's a definite ick factor when a
40-ish person goes after a minor but I
think the title of sex offender should be
based on consent rather than age in the
case of sexually mature individuals. Not
so long ago young women were married off
to old men as soon as they started
bleeding, and they weren't even given a
choice in the matter.
As with polygamy, as long as nobody is
being forced or coerced and both parties
are mature enough to consent and engage in
sexual acts, I can't really think of the
older person or the "glutton" as a sex
offender no matter how degrading or gross
I personally consider the relationship to
be.
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fiona05
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Posted: 02-05-08 06:56am
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it's hard to define what a sexually mature
individual is though. the age of consent
in spain is 13. to me a 13 year old is
still a child. when i was 13 i had only
just started my periods. many don't start
for years after that. nor is a 13 year old
psychologically equipped to deal with sex
at that age.
i know some girls mature at a different
rate than others, but by anyone's
standards a 13 year old is a child.
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sillyakchick
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Posted: 02-05-08 14:28pm
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My DH was 21 and I was a day under 17 when
we were first together. We married when I
was 20 and have been with each other for
17 years now, with 2 kids. I am glad my
parents trusted me enough to make my own
decisions about whom to love when i was
that age. He could have gotten in a lot
of trouble, I suppose, but he was perfect
for me. I did date a guy who was 32 when
I was 16 until one day it him me that it
wasn't normal for a guy that age to be
into girls as young as me. He never asked
me for sex, though which I think is pretty
interesting. Who knows what i could have
gotten myself into with that one. Maybe
he was legitimate-he introduced me to his
mother. I don't know...
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