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Lifeless and feeling alone

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February 2nd, 2008
I still remember the days when I couldn’t wait to wake up and live my life to the full potential, I would have to say they were the best days of my life....but what is soo different from then and now? Maybe I knew what I wanted, maybe I liked the person I was becoming, maybe I was happy? But y am I not happy now? Y do I feel lost and alone? Am I lost? Am I alone? All I can think about is how happy I WAS and how UNHAPPY I am now!
I am 20 and live in the UK, I’m at university and am doing a course that is quite highly regarded, especially by my parents, but this is not what I want to be doing. I have great friends but still I feel soo alone, I feel a lot of love but sometimes I feel like its fake. I have a very big family, 4 sisters and parents but everybody is older and has moved on with their lives, they are married with kids or busy themselves, I feel all alone.
Most of the time I’m just sitting thinking what is the point, why should I bother with my life, it will be soo much easier to just end it now and cut the crap I’m going through, but I feel thou if I do that I will just disappoint my parents friend and family, but eventually they will move on won’t they? Then I think what is I crash my car then it will be more of fate! But why should I live my life for other people, I’m blaming everybody around me for the problems I’m having, maybe it is all my fault. I’m the one doing the course, but I want to leave it! How can I when im in the second year of the 4?
If somebody looks into my like they will just see the perfect person, I have a great family, im popular and lovable, I have a bright future, my parents are successful and still together, but why am I still not happy? Why can’t I be happy?
People say life is full of ups and downs but I don’t understand what is the point of it all? Why are we here? Will it really make a difference if im not here?
Sometimes I can convince myself that im happy, I can go out and spend a bit of money on this and that but im still not happy inside, I try and convince people im happy and I try not to talk about it but im still not happy!... people are beginning to notice that im not myself, I was always the loud proud happy one, im know just slowly becoming quieter and quieter.
Am I just being stupid and looking for attention? But I don’t want people to ask me how im doing I just want to be happy! It is 5.22am in the UK and I still can’t sleep, I have been normally taking sleeping tablets but most of the time they also do not work, but today I didn’t take them and now it is too late.
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wg6445
replied February 2nd, 2008
Your post made me cry. I feel the same way, friend... I've been like this for 4 years and I'm only just seeking help. I went and saw a psychiatrist and she believes I have dysthymia... basically a mild form of depression. With it, it's possible to keep living your life and appear mostly normal from the outside...

I'm also at university. I'm also taking classes that I feel like I don't like. I've also stopped waking up looking forward to the day. I also know I'm loved and cherished, but sometimes feel like it's fake or somehow just not right.

I can't really offer you any help.. I don't know what to do or say. But maybe it will help you, and help me ---- if I just tell you do NOT give up. This isn't our fault! Ignore those stupid suicidal feelings. I have them, too, but just like you -- I realize they're stupid. And then I think too much on it, and I question the nature of the world and the significance of death. Then I just give up on thinking and return to my stupor.

We need help. We need each other, and we need psychiatrists... we might even need medicine. It could be a chemical imbalance in our brains... and medicine can fix that. I haven't decided whether or not to try medicine.

Write back, okay?
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Fighter_in_the_Sky_
replied February 2nd, 2008
Experienced User
United Stations Space Command Recon
Lifeless, I'm not sure if I've felt as bad as you do now, but sometimes I also feel alone and that people are fake. I've found that going to quiet social scenes like the library, the bookstore, the park, etc. can be helpful in meeting other quiet, lonely people willing to bond with you. Good luck!
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lifeless6
replied February 2nd, 2008
im sorry if this made u cry wg, that was not why i posted this, i dnt know why i did but something jsut made me! but reading your post made me realise that there are other poeple out there, i didnt expect to see a reply to be honest!
MMAFighter, i dnt know y i feel alone, i have many many really good friends, thats y im soo confused.

i am hopefully going to see some help soon, just jope it does actually help!
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Fighter_in_the_Sky_
replied February 2nd, 2008
Experienced User
I think that if u actively go and seek help, u will get it. I talked to the skool counsellor once and since I wuz involved in the discussion it actually helped.
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lifeless6
replied February 7th, 2008
it has nearly been a week since i first joined and rote my post,
i think this week has been the first step to recovery, i have seeked help and i met with her on monday, it was great. i felt like i could talk to her without her judging me but i got the feeling i was more down when i left the session then when i entred, is this normal?

but i feel if i stick at it, it will help me! she also told me to talk to my doctor to ask about anti-depression medican, im very worried about this, as i dont want to rely on them and i dont want them to bring a lot of future problems back to this stage of my life. Any advice will be great!

A friend of mine told me to read this book called "the present" by Spencer Johnson, this is also helping me in this time and i just wanted to share this information with the people also in similar situations that i am in!

i still do have my ups and downs and most nights i still cant sleep but im tryin not to take the sleeping tablets that i have purchased, last night i had 2 hours of sleep and i feel as refershed as if i have 10! but emotionly i feel drain....
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sugarplummolly
replied November 1st, 2010
tired and dead
hi i am the same feel like i am dying inside sleep is not happening and when i do its like 4 hours of dreams i want someone to tell me its worth going on i feel so tired and dead please help
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sugarplummolly
replied November 2nd, 2010
depressed
I dont know what you mean did they have depression i have been poorly for a year i cant see a way out so please dont make fun i would try anything if it would help i wish upon stars pray but nothing works
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Justmehere
replied June 3rd, 2012
Hello everyone, thankyou for posting your lifestories. I feel the same and until this moment I felt awfully alone. Now I now that someone understands me. Most of the times I felt unsatisfied with my emotional life, although I compensate by being young (25) and preety and having a preety ok profesional life. At some point I was very disapointed by a guy that loved more than myself and since than I never fully recovered. I don't find strength alone. At the moment I am in a relationship for 3 years but I am practically alone. I can't find affection or understanding in this relationship but I am too afraid of lonliness. I know you understand me. I need your advice.
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Marissa1
replied June 5th, 2012
I feel like I can relate to you so much. Although I do not want to end my life I still feel so alone. I know life can be wonderful and exciting and so full of love because I have experienced that as well, but I feel like its no use anymore because I haven't felt like that in so long I just feel like I'll never feel the same again. It sucks and I'm sorry you feel that was but just know there are others who feel the same way. My only advice is just to remember how it use to feel to love life. Thats what I say to prevent myself from thinking about ending it. I just want to get back to that way again.. Hopefully soon enough it will for the both of us. Good luck!
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czmme
replied July 1st, 2012
i want back
I feel anxious , depressed ...im like a dead man walking.It all started with major changes in my life!And some panic attack relied to marijuana(drugs).I dont feel alive , i feel sad even if i am popular and i have almost everything i can wish for.still not satifying for in the last 8 months.Before I WAS FEARLES Strong and so on...Now i am a pusi i cant find my old self.But i learned that the secret is in my brain . i am responsable for what i feel fear and so on. People like us must see a doctor immediately and take medication!The asnwere is BEING POSITIVE wich will bring you HAPPYNES! There is hope...I HOPE WE WILL GET HEALHTY ONE DAY! I just wish i can wake up 3 years ago and start over everything ...T_T T_T i also cry often ! and it help me....HELP US GOD PLEASE!
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