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Q: lovers and friends

asked by: Maji on January 28th, 2008

Experienced User

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 11 months now. At the beginning of this year, we made our new years resolution together to become better friends (even though we're already best friends) and to get to know eachother better. The reason we decided to do this is because we only knew eachother for six days before we started dating. I know it sounds ridiculous...but we just really clicked. He did say that it felt like we kinda rushed into it, but he was immensly glad that we did because now he cant picture life without me...plus he moved away like a week after we started dating. If he hadn't had the guts to ask me out the day he did, we woulda never happened.
So what happened was that we decided to be lovers, but above all, we're friends, and that can never be broken.
It sounds great and all...and at first i thought it was wonderful, but now im kinda suffering from withdrawal. Since we have a long distance relationship, we talk on the phone for hours a day, and when we see eachother, we're all over eachother.
Now we talk on the phone pretty much as much as we did before, but when we're together, all we do is hold hands.
I get a hug and a kiss (a peck) when I first see him, a goodnight kiss (a peck) if we spend the night together, and a hug and a kiss when we part. That'll usually be a peck too, sometimes it ends up being a brief open mouth kiss.
So when I randomly want to kiss him like we used to, he stops me and says "friends don't kiss". At first it was cute but now it makes me sad.
It's not just the sex I miss, but all the other little affectionate gestures as well.
The reason he said he wanted to be less sexual was because since we had sex everytime we saw eachother, or atleast we fooled around, he didnt want our relationship to be based on a purely sexual connection. It isn't that way, but he didn't want it to become a shallow relationship like that.

Well what this is about....
I just wanted to know your thoughts on this.
Have any of you done anything similar?
What would you do/think if you were in my position?
thanks in advance.

Replies(6)

Fairy Godmother

replied on January 28th, 2008

Supporter

Sounds like a very respectable guy, in these days are hard to find.........guys come and go and most will hit it and miss and never think about "friendship"........He sounds like a really nice person and I'd be proud to have him for a friend! Friends first.......freids always.....they make the best partners when it comes to LASTING relationships! You can always use you hand!

Maji

replied on January 28th, 2008

Experienced User

Re: Hi

Fairy*Godmother wrote:

well this has definitely proven to be a lasting relationship and it'll continue to be, as he said that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and so do i =]
I know i can use my hand to pleasure myself...but it just isnt the same without him. i used to masturbate every now and then out of random...but ever since we started masturbating together (phone sex or mutual masturbation), i get absolutely nothing from doing it by myself. I just feel stupid when i do it. So now I don't do it at all =/ When I get urges I just squeeze my legs together tightly and think about him, which kinda works.

And yes I do know he's one of a kind and I'm immensly thankful to have him in my life, I just miss the lover part. Now the only way you'd be able to tell we're together is if you see us holding hands. I like hand holding...in fact I LOVE it...but I just feel like I need a little more. Maybe that's just me being selfish though =/

CoolGlassofH2O

replied on January 29th, 2008

Experienced User

Omg my ex and me dated for a month before we saw that we were better off as friends. That entire summer we became lovers and friends. It felt so comfortable being able to have sex wit him knowing that it wasn't just sex to him. That there was that friendship there. When ever I'm single we always get together hang out and it makes my breakups so much easier to get over cause he.s that strong genuinly caring presence. For a few months though we weren't in touch nd I missed him so. But there will be moments like that but you have to learn to give him his space Smile

Its rude to say but hes the only one of my guys Ikno would be there for me if I ever got prego. My current boyfriend...eh.

Jude-Love

replied on January 29th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

I'm sorry if I come across as rude, but you can be friends with your boyfriend and still sleep with him and I think the arrangement is a little silly. A relationship will be based solely on sex if that is all that is left and obviously you two have more than that.

I get the feeling that you both are overanalyzing this.

Maji

replied on January 31st, 2008

Experienced User

Jude-Love wrote:

yeah i also think we're overdoing it. if it were up to me we would still be having sex. what he said to me was that since everytime we saw eachother we had sex or atleast fooled around alot, he was afraid that we would end up having one of those relationships that are based solely on sex. i assured him that it wasnt that way since we're already best friends and we do talk daily, so its not like we're having sex instead of talking to eachother persay. all i can think about is him being all over me now though..which i think is worse than before. what i do understand is that he's going through a really stressful time right now though. he did say that he needed some room for himself and that he thought this would be a much better alternative to breaking up because he loves me and cant imagine me as anything less than his girlfriend. we already established that we love eachother enough to know that we want no one else but eachother and want to spend the rest of our lives together. i guess anyone else would throw the towel in by now...but i really want us to work out.

Maji

replied on March 25th, 2008

Experienced User

well just so you guys know...
we had many long, meaningful talks about this and other factors in our life.. and we came to an understanding as to where we both are in our lives right now and its wonderful. after one of the talks we layed in bed together hugging for a long time and then he began kissing me tenderly like he hadn't in a looong time, which was wonderful all by itself but it came accompanied by some fondling and whatnot and well...led to one of the best nights of sex of my life (so far hehe)..I guess we both really needed it Smile

. It was great because of what was involved. There was lots of tension release, sexual tension, mostly. Then there was also me being assured that he was still attracted to me. I was beginning to think he wasn't anymore since he wouldnt so much as kiss me unless i asked for a goodnight kiss or goodbye kiss. he was just under alot of stress and so was i for personal matters..but everything is just peachy now Smile

Oh and this was over a month ago but yeah i havent been on in a looong time Razz

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