Medical Questions > Mental Health > Self Injury Forum

cutting for two weeks, mom won't listen

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So anyways, I've only been a "cutter" for two weeks now. And I finally got the courage to tell my mom. And what I don't understand is she always gets mad at me. I mean yes I did quit for a week, but now I want to do it again just because of some recent events (I won't bore with my failings). But when I told her she blew up on me and that was it. It seems like our mother-daughter relationship is failing, badly. She just keeps getting madder and madder at me. You would think if I told her what I did she would be more understanding and wanting to talk about it, but no. She just got mad, yelled for a while, then went back to playing cards with my younger sister.

It just hurts to know I have almost no one to talk to about it. I could try to talk to my Granny but she would just sit there and say "Don't do it again. You need to live in this life."

I guess I'm just rambling. Sorry for anyone who reads this, I just needed to say it somewhere, and I thought this would be the best place. But I do need to ask:
How can I get my mom to actually sit and listen something without getting mad?
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replied January 30th, 2008
I understand what you mean; I am 13 years old and a recent cutter and I remember my frustation when my parents found out about the cuts and just yelled at me and told me that I would be put into an institution. They just did not understand. However I have recently be getting better but it would have been much easier if they had been understanding; but I know that you must hear this from your mother,but it is a bad idea.however, if you really, if you REALLY feel the compelling need to cut, then dont cut your arm - it is the easiest place to be found! Unless you want them to know that you are desperate enough to resort to this... but it has been pretty much shown that they see it in quite a different light. You really should find a friend or someone to talk to; it really helped me.
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replied January 30th, 2008
Experienced User
Hi

Sounds to me like you have problems getting your mom's attention and that she doesn't think that what you have to say or what you are feeling is "important".

I think there is most probably two schools in terms of self-injury. I haven't done it my self but I do get urges to do it. To me, it's almost like hurting my self would alleviate the mental/emotional pain. Others again, like Shadowseer says, do it to get the attention of others so they will realise that something IS wrong. Others again would do it for both reasons.

I don't know what to suggest in terms of your relationship with your mom, but I would definately suggest you find someone to talk to like a friend or even better, some form of school guidance councellor. The best, in the end, would be someone like a psychiatrist.

A lot of times, just talking about things, getting them out in the open and letting it all out helps a lot allready.

I know the feeling of being "shrugged off". Eventually, now that I am older, all the things that my parents thought were whining and whinging, has turned out to be real bad problems which could have been overted had they just listened.

If you feel like talking, feel free to post on the forums or even send me a pm.

Keep well and I hope you don't get too frustrated by your mom's lack of attention.
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replied January 30th, 2008
Supporter
i started cutting when i was about the same age as you. being your age is really tough. i don't say that to be patronising - i really mean it. being 14/15 maybe 16 those were the hardest times of my life. i felt i had nothing in common with my family members, i didn't feel i could rely on any of my friends and all the things they were interested in seemed so empty and frivolous. i hated school, i thought everything they taught us was useless. i didn't see the point in anything. but things get better. i know it is such a cliche but it is true. what is upsetting you now will not be upsetting you in years to come. times change and circumstances change. i can tell you are really angry and frustrated with things right now. but when you are angry or upset, find something to occupy yourself. maybe it's a book, maybe you need to go for a walk, draw or paint or find some sort of outlet for your feelings, but whatever you do, don't cut yourself. i did it, i cut mself really bad and i am scarred for life. it is seven years on and the scars are still really noticeable. they will never go away, i will have them the rest of my life, and it is really embarrassing when people turn round to me when i am out, or in work or in university and go "oh my god what happened to your arm!!!????" because all that was years ago and i dont know what to tell them. i wish i hadn't done it.

so next time you are angry, please throw something at a wall or go running or something or maybe you can find a friend who you trust enough to talk to and if you can't and things are really bad and are really getting on top of you then maybe you could think about counciling.
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replied January 31st, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Your mom may be acting angry not because she is mad at you, but because she is scared. Her own child, her flesh and blood, is harming themself on purpose. She doesn't understand or know how to translate her fear, so she turns it into anger and goes into defense mode.

Can you try sitting down with her and telling her something along the lines of "listen, I know that you're scared and you don't like what I'm doing but I need help and I really want to talk to you about this. Please try to support me, because by yelling at me it just makes things worse". If you explain this to her, she might calm down a bit for the sake of your health.
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replied March 13th, 2008
Brave
i've been cutting for 5years, since i was 9.
i don't have the courage to tell them, or anyone else, till i found out my friend cuts aswell.
how do tell your parents that you feel better after slitting your wrists? not the sort of thing my mum would understand.
you're v. brave to have told her, it's not an easy thing to do
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replied March 14th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
When telling parents, you have to word it in a more gentle way that they will understand. It will scare a parent if you say you slit your wrists because it makes you feel great and you love blood. If its worded carefully and you say something like "mom, I've been feeling a bit down lately. I was lost and didn't know where else to turn, so I started cutting myself. it made me feel temporarily better since I didn't know what else to do. I really would like some help and to talk about this because its something that I have been struggling with and I don't want to go through this alone. If you yell at me it scares me and makes it worse, so if you could support me and help me through this hard time it would mean the world to me. it would be nice to have a shoulder to lean on" or something like that. She will be much more understanding and sympathetic if its broken gently. It's a scary topic to handle for a parent.
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replied October 10th, 2008
I USED TO CUT MY SELF ALSO.EVEN THOUGH IT WAS FOR ONLY LIKE 2 WEEKS. sumtimes I STILL ITCH TO DO IT. WHEN I FEEL UGLY OR WORTHLESS. I GET SAD OUT OF NO WHERE AND JUST start CRYING......I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME. ITS TO THE POINT I JUST DONT CARE IF I DIE. I LOOK AT THE MARKS ON MY ARMS ALL THE TIME AND IT HELPED ME WHEN I NEEDED IT AND NOBODY ELSE WOULD LISTEN. MY MOM TOLD ME SHE WOULD GET ME HELP BUT SHE NEVER DID. I JUST NO THAT WHAT EVER IS WRONG WITH ME IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY. I FEEL LIKE TOMORROW WILL ALWAYS BE THE SAME. I MIGHT FEEL GOOD ONE SEC. BUT I KNOW THAT IT WONT LAST. I JUST WISH I HAD someone TO TALK TO AND LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND WITHOUT JUDGING ME. WHEN I TOLD MY MOM SHE SAID IT WAS BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE UNHAPPY. BUT THATS NOT TRUE. I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND WHEN I CUT MYSELF IT HELPS AS crazy AS IT SOUNDS I JUST WISH I HAD SOMEONE TO LISTEN
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replied April 6th, 2009
iv been cutting for a while now my mom wont listen i need someone who will
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replied April 6th, 2009
talk to your teacher... they can get you the help you're needing and seeking.
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replied April 28th, 2009
Cutting
I have been cutting for three years, and to be honest with you I can't stop. My mom has never listen to me, but the thing that i Have learned is that you can make it on your own, If your mom does not want to take in that her daughter is cutting then, either sit her down, and if she doesnt listen do something that will really get your attentchion. Tell her you are going to kill your self, and then just take off. go to a friends house, fill them in. Tell them what i going on. Start from there you can do it. Good Luck
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replied May 12th, 2009
Mm... I've been cutting for four years on and off, and from my point of view everything went okay until my parents found out. I'm not sure why you want your mom to know (since my mom finding out was the start of a series of long counseling sessions and gigantic rows for me), but yeah. It's probably pretty hard for her to accept that her own child is harming herself deliberately, so you should try to understand her position, even if you don't like the way she's reacting. (I know that I will probably never trust my mother or tell her anything again after everything she did to try and get me to stop, but I still love her because she's my mom, and she did it because she loves me.)

Now, I really shouldn't be telling you this, but if you're doing this just to alleviate emotional pain and you want to be allowed to continue, for goodness's sake do it discreetly where nobody can see. And don't make a big deal about it around your friends, either, because word will get around somehow. People talk. Talk can get you into counseling. Which adds to stress, which makes things worse (at least for me). So pretend nothing's happening, okay?

But if all you want is your mother's attention, there are better ways to go about getting it.
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replied May 18th, 2009
well i can relate to what you all are saying. the trouble is your mum is your mum, so she wouldnt want to see you hurting or know that there is something wrong. & maybe in there past they have experienced somwthing similar & feel that they do not want you going that way. It is very hard for a mum to understand, obviously when you tell your mum or she discovers it. They has to be some root problem though as to why you do it, something to start with that triggered it. But if you cant talk to your mum, start with someone else. But if you are only 13/14/15 then talk to an adult you can trust, even a family member or a friend of the family & tell them how you feel & try to explain everything & maybe they can help. good luck.
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