Medical Questions > Womens Health > Sexual Health - Women Forum

never had an orgasm during sex ? (Page 1)

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Hi,
I've only just joined this group and this is the first time that I have reached out to find answers.
As you can imagine I am very apprehensive and embarassed about my situation, I have never spoken to anyone about this, so once I discovered this website I felt I might have found a way to discover some answers.
So having said all this let tell in brief my situation! I am a 33 year old, healthy women who has never been able to orgasum during any type of sex, which has resulted in me not having sex at all because I don't want the guy I'm with to feel like it has anything to do with him, because it simply isn't anything to do with him. If I wasn't interested in making love to a guy I could unstand slightly more and put it down to just a lake of interest causing this problem. But I do have a strong interest in making love and when I've been with a guy I've enjoyed it, so why can I not come? An orgasum is such natural thing for the body to do, so why does this function appear to have shut down in my body? Is this a common thing among women? Please if there is anyone out there suffering from the same problem as me or can reccommend a solution i.e. medication that would bring one on. I'd love to hear from you.

Embarassed
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First Helper bitterhoney22
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replied January 26th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
This is completely normal. Only 1 out of 10 women experience a vaginal orgasm during sex.

You should try touching your clit while you are having sex in a position that is comfortable for you to reach there (or have him do it for you!)

Are you able to orgasm by masturbation or oral stimulation?
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replied January 26th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
You Are Not Alone
I never had an orgasm until I was 27 years old even though I had been married first at the age of 17 and then to my true husband at 23. He was always wonderful and loving and until a time when I really allowed myself to give myself to him completely did it happen. It was great.

I agree that clitoral stimulation while having sex can get you there pretty quickly. Just be patient with yourself and for goodness sakes! Don't give up on love and sex. They are two of the most beautiful gifts God has given to us.
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replied January 26th, 2008
Its completly normal! Smile and you may still be able to. It takes practice and sex is to be enjoyed between two people that care about and accept one another. Even if you dont orgasm during intercourse you can still enjoy making love it still feels good Smile I can not orgasm from sex either but still enjoy it very much.
Have you ever had any orgasm? Then you at least know you can and maybe just need some more practice with positioning, relaxing that sort of thing. Dont refrain from going further in a relationship because of this. You could miss out on love. A man is not going to care and would be more than happy to have lots of fun trying with you. If you enjoy it then he will be happy too even if your not orgasming. Hope that helps. :p
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replied January 26th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
I've never had an orgasm during sex without touching my clitoris; that's the only kind of orgasm I can have!
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replied January 26th, 2008
There are 5 kinds of female orgasms
Ironically it was only a couple years ago where medical science was arguing over the existence of multiple forms of orgasm in women. So here people are just getting used to the idea of more then one kind of orgasm and I come along and announce that there are five potential variations of orgasm in women that I have discovered SO FAR. Confused

I am NOT a doctor, so I can not claim to have research data to support this.

But, I have had friends watch me perform special massage techniques on many women that have generated some or all 5 of these forms of orgasms. There are probably hundreds of variations of this because their are so many different physiologies to females. But, the majority of women that have experienced this have had at least 3 definitive (different) orgasms.

I am not one of those "Joe Stud" guys that prowls bars and picks up women. In fact, if you saw me you would consider me average in most ways. However, I have studied Tantra, physiology and human sexuality for over 20 years as an avocation and an enhancement to my lifestyle.

I am you see, one of those weird fringe people called "swingers. As a part of our lifestyle, we include sex as an expression of enjoyment between friends. So, I have had many many sexual partners over the last 20 years.

And yes, I do practice what I believe is a very good formula of safe se, as NONE of my friends has ever had an STD.

I have been posting on the Internet for many years that there is a series of connected nerve tissue bundles that I call the "Vaginal A", that are inside a womans vagina and also connect to the clitoris. By tracing the "A" you will discover a series of interconnected hot spots, any of them capable of generating arousal and several capable of creating orgasm.

Many women encourage their husbands to experiment with swinging because of their general dissatisfaction with sex and orgasm. Not only have I had the pleasure of enjoying the swing lifestyle, but I do find great satisfaction in teaching couples these techniques to learn how to improve their own enjoyment of sex.

I wish more doctors were concerned about female orgasm, because I think if women were happier with sex, a lot more marriages would stay intact. I say this because sadly, men are pretty clueless when it comes to pleasing a woman.

I have had a number of women been referred to me over the years and the secret to understanding female orgasm is threefold: patience, empathy and understanding that the most important female sex orgasm is the brain.

With this understanding, and a partner who is willing to invest the time, almost all women should be able to have intense orgasms of multiple source, including from conventional missionary position sexual intercourse.

I hope that by this post some MD might just be curious enough to find out what THEY DON'T KNOW
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replied January 31st, 2012
I'm sorry to contradict you but these women that you've "helped" are obviously helping to allow you to continue to live under this illusion because I am a very sensual woman w/ hundreds of GF's & none of them have experienced what you are speaking of! You are misinforming this poor girl & it's not right, she can't even have one kind, which IS perfectly normal & now she probably believes there is something VERY wrong w/ her, way to go! I know swingers will do a lot of things to perpetuate the "fantasy" that their lifestyles produce some kind of ultimate sexual experience so it's seems more appealing than it actually is, you should keep your "lifestyle" choice to yourself & stop putting ridiculous ideas in some poor girls mind making her feel way less than adequate! asrote22@y
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replied October 15th, 2009
i am 23 and i can orgasm during masturbation in 5 seconds flat but when it comes to oral or intercourse with my man or any man before him i feel absolutly nothing,men just orgasm automatically whether they want to or not and women have to go into all this spiritual stuff before they can feel anything,it sucks! and a womens life is in no way fair compared to a mans!as u can see im am very bitter on the subject.Dont get me wrong i love men and i love to have sex and i love the way it makes me feel but i want to get psychical pleasure from it as well.i occasionally get turned on and even then when i have sex that feeling just goes and once again i am stuck with nothing and he gets it all,its been the same with any man and has been the cause of some splits in my life,i have been with my partner im with now for 2 years and i havent orgasmed once! doesnt matter how long we do it for or which way we do it in it just wont happen for me! i think its about time there was some medication made for women like me.
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replied January 31st, 2012
AMEN sister! I could've written what you just did, story of MY life too! Every time they come out with a new "stiffy" pill for men I wanna scream, like THEY need help being horney!! They need pills to calm their libidos DOWN, there are enough men running around that cannot control themselves, hence all the rapes in the world! Maybe they could make a poll that would compel men to slow down, take the time & caring to figure out what makes us "tick" & at the same time gives them a clue as to how to satisfy a woman!
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replied October 15th, 2009
No orgasm with a man, but with self.
Gloo.

I had the same feelings and thought just like Bitterhoney. My husband had tryed so many times in making me have an orgasm. I sometime feel embarass and pretend as it I'm having or enjoying it. on the other hand, I enjoys mastarbation and it makes me have a feeling which of cause no man had ever given me. Will this change?
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replied December 10th, 2009
Unable to orgasm during sex
I have the same problem as many of these women. I'm 26, and have never had an orgasm during sex. I can orgasm during masturbation and oral sex, but it takes some time. Is this a mental or a physical problem? Is there anything I can do to change this? I do not want to spend the rest of my life masturbating after sex to orgasm!
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replied January 12th, 2010
Can't orgasm threw sex? me either
hello!! Ugh I have had the same problem as all of you except mine is a little different. When I was younger I was flipping through the channels on t.v and of course H.B.O and cinemax while watching I was masturbating but i didn't know i was masturbating i had a pillow between my legs and was going threw the motions with it (embarassing really I have never admitted this to anyone) I have always been able to reach orgasm this way. I have always felt it was odd that, that was the only way I was able to. I was with my ex for about 5 yrs and was never able to have an orgasm until about 3 yrs into the relationship I would have to grasp him with my legs real tight and I am only assuming but i think its because of was real tight against my clit. But I was never able to have an orgasm unless I did that not even threw oral sex or anything. My problem now is I have been with my fiancee for about 3 years now and I have never had an orgasm with him I don't want to tell him because I don't want him to feel bad or anything I have tried to sqeeze him tight with my legs like before but he usually moves my legs or moves into another position.

Don't get me wrong we have sex A LOTT!!!! lol he says I want it more than him because I don't give up i guess haha but It would be great If there was a solution to this problem if anyone knows please let me know.
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replied January 12th, 2010
I found a method that works for me. Being a mother with young kids and tired at the end of the day, I like this method because it's fast and effective, and I'm very pleased with the results. Contact me and I'd be happy to share it with you.
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Users who thank sugee77 for this post: pshepard 

replied November 26th, 2011
please help me! me and my boyfriend try and try yet i cannot orgasm. what works for you?
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replied March 3rd, 2012
I have had the same problem as all of the above women. My relationship which I treasure is going to fail through the stress of this situation. I'm in need of any advice! Please share your method!
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replied March 3rd, 2012
Community Volunteer (online)
I normally view the 'I have the solution, contact me' messages with great suspicion unless it is a regular poster that are normally very helpful. If this person had the solution, he would have posted it here.

Even though you may think everybody have the same problem, each woman is unique with unique issues. If it was not so, it would have been extremely easy to help every woman.

First answer a few questions:

* Do you orgasm when you masturbate?
* If you do, do you do so from rubbing your clitoris, or ...?
* Was it different with previous partners?
* do you orgasm when he fingers you or from oral sex?
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replied January 20th, 2010
returning user
can you tell me your method. I am not sure how you want me to contact you
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replied March 13th, 2010
Yeah, this is really hard for me to say this to anyone..but I guess this is a bit anonymous in a way, so it's a tad easier.. I'm 19 years old and have never orgasmed during sex. I lost my virginity at 15 and even then...I didn't orgasm. I'm afraid to tell my partner after their done with their business that I didn't get off. I've tried not touching myself for days, week, and even months to see if that would help, but it didn't. I honestly have thought about never having sex again. It's just not enjoyable. And when I do touch myself, I have to stay quiet or my moans distract me from reaching my orgasm or it takes an hour or more to get there. This can't be normal.. Is there something medically wrong with me?
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replied April 17th, 2010
Condition your mind
I wouldn''t worry Young and Sad. I''ve read that as you get older it becomes easier to reach climax during sex so you may just need some time and practice. I''m 21 soon to be 22 and have been masturbating since I was 12. The first time I masturbated I used a vibrator and ever since then I can only orgasm with a vibrator. I''ve been with plenty of different men and I enjoy sex whole heartedly but oral sex isn''t all that enjoyable for me because my clitoris isn''t very sensitive. I''ve almost orgasmed 3 times with two specific guys. These guys were the two that I dated that I was the most comfortable with. I realize that when we can''t orgasm we think there is something wrong with us and we put pressure on ourselves to orgasm during sex, not only to make the guy feel good about himself but also so we feel like we aren''t missing out on something so amazing. I know that for most of us who are able to reach orgasm with ourselves that there is a mental barrier in the way. One thing I might try is have the guy watch you while you masturbate and orgasm. This will teach him what works for you but more importantly it will help to break down the wall between pleasuring yourself and pleasure with your man. I know for some of us the idea of doing this can make you feel self-conscious as it does to me. I find it really odd though that this should make me so uncomfortable when ive let him explore every part of my body and touch everything holding nothing back. I''ve touched myself in front of him and even let him use a vibrator on me during sex but nothing works. I still feel like i would be afraid to let him watch me masturbate with a vibrator the way i do on my own. So I would say find out what makes you uncomfortable about sharing everything with your partner and take steps to get over it.
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replied April 19th, 2010
i am 23 and i am in the same situation. I had sex with many guys and i have orgasms when i masturbate only and it last for few seconds only.At the moment, i am with a guy and he is always asking me whether his penis is too small for me or whether he is bad at sex because i never had an orgasm with him!!..usually he ask me to masturbate in front of him so that he can see and do same to me.I really feel helpless because i wana please my partner!
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replied April 20th, 2010
I had this problem as well; I lost my virginity when I was 15, and then I stayed with the same guy for 8 years. I never had an orgasm during sex with him. We broke up last year, and being single has taught me a lot. I realized that one of the main problems I had was with him was that I was never really attracted to him sexually, and when you're not attracted to your partner it can be hard to get aroused. Then you think it's your fault because it takes you so long to get turned on, and it leads to a cycle of frustration and focusing on the orgasm only. If you're constantly trying to orgasm and getting upset when it won't happen, it turns you off to sex completely. On top of all that, your body gets used to not being turned on during sex and not having an orgasm, so that's how it responds during sex.
After my boyfriend and I broke up, I ended up having sex with someone new that I was actually attracted to. It was a totally different feeling; my body took over and I didn't have to do any work with my mind to get turned on. I just relaxed and focused on how his body felt and thought about all the things I wanted to do to him, and it just happened naturally. So now, looking back on everything, I realize that how connected you are to your partner can be a HUGE factor in determining whether or not you can orgasm. On top of that, your mental status plays a big role too; if you're too self-conscious about what you're doing, or distracted by the fact that you can't get to that point, you will have difficulty coming. When you are with someone you're physically attracted to, and your body is doing what it's instinctually capable of doing (since you can orgasm alone), it will happen.
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replied May 24th, 2012
wow. this makes me feel so much more hopeful! i have had sex 6 different times with two different guys. and i havent had an orgasm on my own either. ive masturbated for 10 years (since i was 9) and i felt hopeless. i've tried abstaining from sex and from touching myself so that i might get so aroused at my next encounter and orgasm but it hasn't worked. maybe if i meet that right guy it will happen. thanks a lot!
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replied May 25th, 2012
Community Volunteer (online)
Surely you cannot build your hopes for learning to orgasm on some magical guy you may or may not meet in the future? Your orgasm is your responsibility. It is your partner's responsibility to help you, and learn how, but it is your responsibility to help and guide him. He does not have a vagina and clitoris, and he cannot feel what you feel.

It is not unusual to not orgasm during intercourse. But there are techniques you can use to orgasm with your partner. You deserve to be satisfied whenever you want to with your partner. You do not have to every time, and there are definitely times when you won't. That is just the way woman's bodies work.

The first step is to sort out the problems you have on your own. When you masturbate, you are in full control of the stimulation and you experience what it is doing for you. So you should be able to orgasm almost every time, if not every time. If you do not orgasm during masturbation, why do you masturbate? When and why do you stop every time if you do not reach climax?
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replied April 20th, 2010
Please read my reply to another blog called "I can''t orgasm during sex: Cry" under the Womens Sexual Health Forum. It is ESSENTIAL that you tell your men they have to think of you rather than themselves. I have been going out with a girl for 23 years and even now ask her what makes her happy, excited, what she loves in bed and it is your man''s responsibility to find that out and know what your triggers are. It''s not a quick thing to learn and us men are a bit dim when it comes to understanding what makes a woman tick. I am sometimes really sad that there seems to be so many women taking responsibility for their own orgasms and trying to find out what they can do for themselves during lovemaking rather than let someone else learn what it is you love. Get your man to read my notes. I am a long way from being an expert but I have learned how to give my girlfriend multiple orgasms virtually everytime we go to bed. I am not boasting but want to reassure you it is definitely possible. Good luck ladies, you all deserve a fulfilling sex life.
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replied April 21st, 2010
Hi, my name is Jackie, happy mother of two boys. Talk to you soon. Surprised)
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replied April 21st, 2010
Experienced User
I am 53 and I have very few orgasms with the man I'm with. Never had an orgasm with a man before and I've been with men for 40 some years. I was gay at a young age but now I think I'm bi-sexual. I'd like to try a female partner and see if I still have those feelings.
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replied April 21st, 2010
Has he gone down the hershey highway? If not, I suggest trying this before giving up. This is the ONLY way I can orgasm. I never experienced the "O" until I was the big 3-8. This year has been the best year of my life. I hate to brag, but ya'll really are missin out. I find that if my man lubes it up real good, sometimes I scream out in sheer X and even orgasm multiple times. Any questions, feel free to ask.
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