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sexual slump

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lil_scorpio Experienced User
January 25th, 2008
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and YEAH that's a long time. It seems that we have a LOT of sexual slumps, as in no sex for a week or 2 on end. Drives me nuts! He says that it's not me, just stress of whatever. I got into an arguement with him today because we are in another one of these sucky slumps and he was showing me pics on his phone and one that I found on my own was of a naked girl's ass, etc. He is a total ass-man, and I was hurt by the fact that he didn't tell me about the pick. Makes me wonder why we aren't being intimate when he must obviously have a sex drive to have such pics on his phone. What do ya'll think? Should I be hurt by all this, or just blow it off? I'm really tired of being rejected all the damn time, and then it makes it worse to see that he has porno-like stuff on his phone! Could use a little advice here....
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PenguinsRus
replied January 25th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Unfortunately, most guys love porn. You should sit down with him and tell him how it makes you feel. Ask him how old the picture is, and if he has it to masturbate to or why its there.

It is okay in my opinion for guys to watch porn, but it is not okay if the porn interferes with your sexual relationship. If that is taking a front seat to your sexual needs, then you really need to talk to him about it.

Maybe you can try incorporating porn into your sex life together? Could you look at pictures or watch a video with him and touch each other while watching it?

You have every right to be upset if he is choosing pictures over you, but since it is only one picture I think you should ask him and let him explain first to see what he says about it. Good luck!
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PixieKat
replied January 27th, 2008
Experienced User
I think its normal for guys to have pics of women, or things like they like.. i get jellous but i just ignore it, its not like hes with them ya know?

Im going through kinda the same thing, except weve only been togeither a year. idk if you've read my post but heres the link

http://ehealthforum.com/health/topic118653 .html

I have a few replays maybe something you read will beable to help you?

I would deff talk to him about it if it bugs you alot... you could alwasy try role playing, or try to spice up the relationship.

Good luck to you, hope i helped alittle
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Rainy_Daze
replied January 27th, 2008
I believe it's normal to have slumps in sexual activity after you've been with a person for several years.

My husband and I have been together for awhile. There are times where we might have sex on a daily basis and then there times when we may not have sex for one or two weeks. We might be under stress or we might be tired from work and school. The desire is there, but sometimes you're not physically up to it.

I also don't believe that the satisfaction from masturbating or watching porn is the same as intimacy. Sometimes those things are merely a release. It doesn't mean that porn has taken precedence over your relationship.

It does sound like it's a problem for you, so it's something you should definitely discuss. Perhaps he could pleasure you or provide you with some other kind of intimacy during those occasions he's not up for sex.
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run4life10
replied January 28th, 2008
Experienced User
RE: When should a girl be jealous?
I'd definitely be jealous too... but then i'm a really jealous person. Luckily my bf doesn't watch porn or really give me any other reasons to be jealous, but i still manage to find stuff...

I'd definitely talk to him if it bothers you. If porn is interfering with your sex life (which it seems like it might be) then there is an issue there.
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disgurlz4real
replied January 29th, 2008
Re: RE: When should a girl be jealous?
run4life10 wrote:
I'd definitely be jealous too... but then i'm a really jealous person. Luckily my bf doesn't watch porn or really give me any other reasons to be jealous, but i still manage to find stuff...


sry but iz dat fare to u man?
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lil_scorpio
replied January 29th, 2008
Experienced User
Thanks everybody for the kind replys! I have taken the advice and talked to him about it and told him why it bothers me. He SWEARS that he forgot the pic was there and deleted it. He was offended when I told him that I thought that he might be using it in place of me, so I guess I'll give him this one and believe what he's telling me. Thanks again for all of the responses!
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Georgia59
replied January 29th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Did he take a pic of a real girl? Then I would be jealous. That would worry me a lot.
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lil_scorpio
replied January 30th, 2008
Experienced User
No, it wasn't some one he knows. It was one of those videos that you can get on your phone. A friend sent a ton of porno-like pics to him, most of which were cartoons and not that offending/serious. The pic I saw really bothered me because it was a real person and he never showed it to me, just the cartoon ones, so I thought that he was hiding it from me for some stupid reason. If it had have been a girl that he knows, then that'd be a different story!
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MiseEire
replied January 30th, 2008
Experienced User
Man's perspective here:

I wouldn't worry about it. Fantasizing about other people is typical of both genders. No-one has a totally monogymous sex drive. There's a huge difference between fantasizing about a woman and actually having an affair. We all have fantasies that may never be acted out, not knowing possibly being half the fantasy.

To regain his attention, get to know what he's into arousal-wise. It may be something you could incorporate and that he may be very open to.
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