My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and YEAH that's a long time. It seems that we have a LOT of sexual slumps, as in no sex for a week or 2 on end. Drives me nuts! He says that it's not me, just stress of whatever. I got into an arguement with him today because we are in another one of these sucky slumps and he was showing me pics on his phone and one that I found on my own was of a naked girl's ass, etc. He is a total ass-man, and I was hurt by the fact that he didn't tell me about the pick. Makes me wonder why we aren't being intimate when he must obviously have a sex drive to have such pics on his phone. What do ya'll think? Should I be hurt by all this, or just blow it off? I'm really tired of being rejected all the damn time, and then it makes it worse to see that he has porno-like stuff on his phone! Could use a little advice here....
Unfortunately, most guys love porn. You should sit down with him and tell him how it makes you feel. Ask him how old the picture is, and if he has it to masturbate to or why its there.
It is okay in my opinion for guys to watch porn, but it is not okay if the porn interferes with your sexual relationship. If that is taking a front seat to your sexual needs, then you really need to talk to him about it.
Maybe you can try incorporating porn into your sex life together? Could you look at pictures or watch a video with him and touch each other while watching it?
You have every right to be upset if he is choosing pictures over you, but since it is only one picture I think you should ask him and let him explain first to see what he says about it. Good luck!
I believe it's normal to have slumps in sexual activity after you've been with a person for several years.
My husband and I have been together for awhile. There are times where we might have sex on a daily basis and then there times when we may not have sex for one or two weeks. We might be under stress or we might be tired from work and school. The desire is there, but sometimes you're not physically up to it.
I also don't believe that the satisfaction from masturbating or watching porn is the same as intimacy. Sometimes those things are merely a release. It doesn't mean that porn has taken precedence over your relationship.
It does sound like it's a problem for you, so it's something you should definitely discuss. Perhaps he could pleasure you or provide you with some other kind of intimacy during those occasions he's not up for sex.
Thanks everybody for the kind replys! I have taken the advice and talked to him about it and told him why it bothers me. He SWEARS that he forgot the pic was there and deleted it. He was offended when I told him that I thought that he might be using it in place of me, so I guess I'll give him this one and believe what he's telling me. Thanks again for all of the responses!
No, it wasn't some one he knows. It was one of those videos that you can get on your phone. A friend sent a ton of porno-like pics to him, most of which were cartoons and not that offending/serious. The pic I saw really bothered me because it was a real person and he never showed it to me, just the cartoon ones, so I thought that he was hiding it from me for some stupid reason. If it had have been a girl that he knows, then that'd be a different story!
I wouldn't worry about it. Fantasizing about other people is typical of both genders. No-one has a totally monogymous sex drive. There's a huge difference between fantasizing about a woman and actually having an affair. We all have fantasies that may never be acted out, not knowing possibly being half the fantasy.
To regain his attention, get to know what he's into arousal-wise. It may be something you could incorporate and that he may be very open to.