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urge to hurt myself to overcome anxiety

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Seraph Experienced User
January 25th, 2008
Hi

I have never really hurt my self, however I frequently get the urge to hurt my self and/or commit cuicide.

It might just be due to the fact that I am on anti-depressants that I have not acted on any of these urges but I don't know if it is really a problem or not. ( I can't remember when I started taking anti-depressants )

Is it concidered to be normal to want to hurt your self so the emotional/mental pain gets over shadowed by physical pain but never act on it?

Is it normal to have the urge to want to not be alive any more?

While smoking outside once, I got lost in my thaughts when a work colluege came outside and asked me "What are you trying to do?". I realised that I was intentionally holding my sigarette close to my arm and stopped when she mentioned it. Even the slight burn of it close to my skin, made me feel "better".

I guess it has to do with anxiety...? The pain somehow causes the anxiety to go away somehow?

I think, had she not come out and stopped me, I would have started to burn my self but somehow due to fear of being discovered...I never did it again.

I suppose, in a way, having someone find out is like having your heart exposed...it shows how you are feeling...

I don't know if this makes any sense or wether it is even serious enough to talk about...seeing as I haven't really acted on it even though the urges gets pretty strong at times...
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First Helper lovelyrun
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lovelyrun
replied January 29th, 2008
Of course it's serious enough to talk about if it's bothering you, which understandably, it is.
I self-harm and have tried committing suicide before. However, before I got ill enough to actually carry through my ideas I used to plan and think about it all the time but not acually do it.
Are you seeing a therapist or counsillor at all? If so talk to them about it... you'd then be able to explore the way you're thinking. If not I think you should seek out somebody to talk to... even if it's your GP.
It's better to nip it in the bud asap... I wish I had.
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leewiz
replied January 29th, 2008
Experienced User
I sometimes have the urge to jump of the edge of a cliff, but I'd never do it.

I think that the urge to end life is the desire to be at one with creation. So, I don't think that it's crazy at all. But, I think that you need to talk it out with someone. Your beliefs will be different than mine.
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Seraph
replied January 30th, 2008
Experienced User
I used to go to therapy regularly untill it got too hecktick at work. I have since not had to have a re-eval for my chronic med's (fluoxitine) so I haven't seen the therapist again. I have been thinking of making a new apntment as of late as thing's are starting to get a bit hairy...lots of chronic pain problems.

The other thing is, it wouldn't have helped untill now. If you read my post in the "pain management" forum you would understand why. Meaning it only sunk in that I am having these thaughts now...it seemed that I was kinda in denial? Just like I was in denial about pain in most of my joints?

50% of the time it's a feeling of wanting to be with the creator and the other 50% of the time it's a feeling of just being tired of it all and so overwhelmed that I'd rather be dead...sort of an escapism?
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aquachickola
replied March 8th, 2008
I understnad completely. I get incredibly overwhlemed, i'm sort of high strung, and self harm/ suicidal thoughts were appealing in the way a mute button is during an obnoxious commercial- you just want it to stop, and to have power over it.

Chronic pain is difficult to deal with, as is depression and/or anxiety. The fact that you are doing all of these things and seeking out help early on (rather than after an attempt or you really began to hurt yourself), shows how determined and strong of a person you are, even if you can't always see it in yourself.
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jennyspug
replied January 23rd, 2009
self harm
i compltetly understand as i have self harmed for many years. i am now having help from my health visitor, phsycotherapist and counsiller to try and break the habit.i self harm due to bullying at school, bullying from my husband and a very emotional year with deaths and redundancies plaging me. it is as addictive as smoking/drink drugs, it horrible place to be. please get help and talk to someone you trust before you start harming yourself and ending up in my shoes.
take care of yourself x
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james6116
replied December 21st, 2009
hello i am james blevins and i entend to hurt myself when i ,: have a bad day here someons dead get hurt and breakups i really need help to help me stop these things i do i just borke my index and ring finger by hitting something and early in the morning i put a hole in my wall i am very depressed. (I NEED HELP)
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hizzy
replied April 25th, 2010
I''ve thought about hurting myself before, but never did anything. The past few months I don''t know, I guess things have just been getting to me. I can''t control myself anymore, and I cry all the time. Today, I started clawing at my legs. I tore skin off and left welts and drew blood. I told my boyfriend that I clawed myself but that I only left welts and didn''t draw any blood. No one understands how much pressure is on me. I can''t talk to anyone because they just become part of the pressure :''(
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Allycakes
replied April 14th, 2011
You shoudlnt feel like you cant talk to anyone. Thats the only way you'll get help! If anything theres always people like us on here know know and are going through the same thing you are. I hope you take my invitation into consideration <3
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kdlee
replied April 26th, 2010
Supporter
hizzy, honey I hope you can get to a professional councelor..Your depression could be a sign of illness within or mind..Hurting yourself is not the answer though..

Do you feel worse afterwards-now that you hurt yourself?..k
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diane75
replied July 29th, 2010
i dont self harm as such, as i guess i am not brave enough to go through with it, i will regularly punch or scratch or pinch myself though. its not even like it makes me feel better cos it doesnt, and then the next couple of days is spent hiding the embarrassing marks that i leave!! i have spoken to the doctor about my depression, and my loss of any sexual appetite, but i have never mentioned the self harming. i guess i am embarrassed because of my age - i feel its something that a mixed up teenager should be doing, not a 34 year old woman. i lay for ages and think about really hurting myself, usually i think about slashing my arms with a knife, or another sharp instrument. i do not want to kill myself, i just want to hurt myself - the urges are so much stronger than the actual reality
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Allycakes
replied April 14th, 2011
I feel the same way. Sometimes if im cooking and use a knife i have the urge to stab my eye or my arm. And then i have to put it down and not use it because it scares me. Or my dad has guns and sometimes i want to look down the barrel of the shot gun and see what its like to shoot myself in the head. But i never touch them. I dont think its from anxiety. I think its just from some kind of lack of self worth i dont know really. But it makes you feel like a monster.
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FatallyErrored
replied May 13th, 2011
Wow.. I feel alot like this often. I get so overwhelmed I want to (and have) cut at myself.. It seems to take away the sheeet I am feeling. Overcomes the uncomfortable feelings. I am always embarrassed about it afterward. I am 32. I have never done it in front of anyone until recently (I thought they had gone home). I have recently been diagnosed as Bipolar, and I have done this since I was 9. Of course living in a stressful marriage with a man that intentionally tries to trigger me to act out so that he can be the 'better person' is causing the anxiety to rise..
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LiftmeUp
replied May 14th, 2011
Experienced User
kdlee wrote:


Do you feel worse afterwards-now that you hurt yourself?


This is such a complex question. I struggle with the same thing and it's just a vicious cycle for me. You don't feel better but for some reason you feel like you will but you won't. When this happens you're perception of reality is completely altered. It's an overwhelming urge that's hard to understand unless you've felt it.

Seeking help is worth it though. It's a leap of faith since you don't know what's going to happen and it can be scary but I know personally that it's worth it.
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doglover10
replied July 22nd, 2011
I have been intentionally hurting myself as a way of coping with intense anxiety or overwhelming feelings all of my adult life (I'm 35). I let my emotions bottle up, and the explosions that result every week or two lead to self destructive behavior. No one would ever imagine that I struggle with this: I had a healthy upbringing and lead a very normal life, with a full-time job, husband, and toddler daughter. I have sought therapy in the past, but nothing ever seems to work. Therapists don't realize how serious the issue is. They see me the way that the world does and can't imagine me losing control of my emotions. But I do. It's scary to have out-of-body experiences that cause such agony and pain. But, like everyone says, the end result is relief. A calm peacefulness comes over me, and I somehow feel better. Often, I wind up really hurting myself and have to tend to my injuries, but strangely, I do feel a sense of relief. Does anyone experience what I am describing? I sometimes wonder if I will live with this forever. I should add that I do take Lexapro (just 10 mg) and it does help a bit.
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Chan007
replied October 6th, 2012
I am actually having a panic attack right now. I started getting them when I was 14 but I somehow managed to control them when I was 20 by getting some xanax and taking them only when I knew i was getting an attack.

After being on and off of different antidepressants I actually started getting the panic attacks again when I was 25... even after feeling cured- they came back again. The last antidepressant I was on really messed me up and I was on it for nearly 2 years. I was thinking of hurting myself all the time whilst on the drug in the last year of taking it. Since coming off (was one of the worst experiences of my life and lasted 4 weeks), I have had barely any self harming thoughts or wanted to die at all. I have been slowly getting more positive everyday, until I had this anxiety attack this morning... I have been hurting myself by smashing something heavy into my legs- it hurts heaps but it stops the panic feelings a little.

I hope everyone else can get through this- I know I will in time but I need to sort things out in my life. I am stressed a lot due to many things, but once I get on top of things I know I won't feel this way. I might go back to counseling again too.
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