How long have they been together? I have know many many swingers.. All the ones I knew said the same ole thing,, It makes our marriage better. It makes it more exciting, we are happier. bla bla bla.. Every one of them is now divorced.. Think about it. Do you really want to share someone you married? And tell me how having sex with other people other than the man/woman you married promotes a healthy, loving relationship? How? It doesn't it is just a thrill to the expense of losing trust and in the end a relationship/marriage.
And personal I find it sick! Just my opinion.

Well I have done a three way and it was with my bf and his roommate at the time. I have to admit that I really enjoyed the sex as I was the center of attention and both men treatly me very nicely. The sex was excellent and it did not bother our relationship. That being said, I agree with a lot of the discussion here that it has a very strong potential to ruin or weaken a relationship and should be considered only if both parties are really approving of it.

Wendy

IMO if something big is missing in a marriage a couple may turn to this dangerous amusement...I think it is called "boredom"...Sexual fascinations should have ended prior to marriage or partnering....But it didn't....So here, I believe you are walking on hallowed ground...Just make sure that something said in the throes of passion, does not exceed it bounds....Be sure that each of you know where the "brake" button is...This way, years from now, you will also be able to say....No regrets...

My personal opinion is that I see no good that could come from this...Not as much the man, but the woman....A woman's sexual awakenings are much deeper than a man's....What if she finds a new and erotic stirring being sexual with another woman?....Or perhaps a "bigger" man?....Pandora's Box will have been opened....Will she ever be satisfied again just being with a man?....These are just a few of the things that I would ponder in thinking of this happening....Then the other woman....Will she be more sexual than you are?....What if her sexual know how can stir him more than you do?...You know we are all different in our approach to sex and lust.....A woman's eyes can tell the story to a man without speaking and this certainly would be a fear in the back of my mind.....In essence....Am I good enough to hold him or will she do to him something that I could not do?

Myself, I would never let another woman at my man....He is too good a lover....Actually great.....Saying this, if I want a good fix I will go to the "Land of Fantasy"....Here in my safe house there is no harm done and it makes for one heck of an orgasm.....Fantasy is wonderful as long as you remember that IT IS FANTASY....Trying to act it out is where you can get in trouble...

Just my thoughts,
Caroline

At one point in time i went through the same thing with an old boyfriend of mine and i honestly considered it. I mean given its a very hot idea but some people have issues with it. Plus also consider the fact that issues with insecurity tend to arise after a threesome. Some people are to protective of the other partner.

i dont want another man...maybe thats weird..but, i'm not interested sexually in any man but my boyfriend...love and sex go together..without the love and respect i'm just not interested in a physical relationship period

It's interesting to me that the OP asks for advice about how she handled the situation with her husband and everyone has an opinion on threesomes but nobody really addressed the situation. My two cents...

If you weren't interested in a threesome then you shouldn't have led him to believe you are. You planned with him and let him get excited about something you had no intention of following through on. You say he feels "abused" and "deceived" by you. I can understand that. He shared what is probably one of his deepest, scariest thoughts with you (re:sucking another man's penis) and you allowed him to think you were ok with that but turned on him as soon as you discovered he might enjoy that and it wouldn't be you as the center of his universe. It was ok when the threesome talk was about bringing another female into it why? Because you would be the center of attention? Because you are interested in women and it was a way for you to safely explore that with your husbands permission? Ok, even if you are not interested in women I still don't understand why you would agree to a threesome if you are hurt cuz you thought you were the only person in the whole wide world he would want to give pleasure to and take pleasure from. A threesome adds another person for your husband to give and take from...IN FRONT OF YOU. If you can't even handle the THOUGHT of your husband doing that there is no way you could handle actually seeing that. I understand why he feels deceived. You betrayed his trust. He opened himself and his thoughts and feelings up to you, his wife, the person with whom he should feel most secure and able to share with, and you turned it into something to make him feel shame and anger. No wonder his attitude has changed. Having something like that happen tends to make one guard their thoughts and feelings and keep things to themselves.

As far as threesomes go, they can be incredible if you are secure enough to deal with them. In this case, it hasn't even happened and it's already trouble. Drop it and work on you and your husband and your relationship before you even consider bringing another person into the mix that could get hurt. One more thing...just because your husband might be interested in what sex with another man is like does not mean he is gay. It really irks me when people can't separate sex from sexuality.

Jinjer. I understand your irritation with some of the previously mentioned things. But realize that sherazad never mentioned her husband being curious in involving a man but she specifically mentioned a girl. i commend her for being open to the idea of fulfilling her husbands fantasy by bringing in a third person. I completely understand that her husband feels hurt. It is truly acceptable because his hopes were dashed. But she dabbled in the thoughts of something many women i know would be much to insecure to even consider. And if their husbands had asked them they would have assumed they weren't enough for their husbands. I also commend her for thinking about it and realizing that she is uncomfortable with it before anything happened to truly destroy their relationship. So yes some people are to narrow minded to think of this with acceptance but that is not the issue here. She simply was honest about insecurities.

pandachan18...

Yes, sherazad did specifically mention her husband talking about sex acts involving men....
QUOTED FROM ORIGINAL "In one of our conversations, he asked me if I would like to watch him sucking on a guy while Im watching him lovingly. i said I wouldnt mind. Then later, when I asked him if he will take pleasure doing it, he said yes. That really hurt me coz I thought I was the only person in this whole wide world he would want to give pleasure to and take pleasure from."

I read her post to say that it was all good until she realized her husband could get pleasure from someone other than her and she took it to mean she isn't the center of his universe that makes his world go round and her feelings got hurt so she retaliated. Instead of being understanding and appreciative that her husband trusted her enough to open up to her, she got upset and put a stop to the communications she encouraged until it wasn't all about her anymore. Her husband has every right to feel misled and deceived.

I would have to agree with pandachan..yes this may be a hard thing for her husband to admit to her, that he wanted a threesome, but honestly as pandachan said it was good that she considered it and didn't jump down his throat about it,i too went through a similar situation..my boyfriend admitted he wanted a threesome..though i think this is more of a fantasy of his and if it ever actually happened our relationship would probably be over..at first i was upset at the thought that he wanted to share me with another man...then i realized how much it took for him to let me in on this fantasy of his,many couples dont share this sort of thing...and i thought about it for a while...questioned my morals, wished i could do it for him bc i want to make him happy in every way..but then i realized i was putting him before me..what makes ME happy..is this something I would regret? YES...so i considered it, gave it thought, maybe got his hopes up by even considering it..but the point is, that i did take his thoughts and wishes into consideration because i love him..but its just not something I could ever do and we've both learned to just accept that..i made it clear that if he wishes to continue this relationship with me that this would be a fantasy he would just have to sacrafice..and he's been ok with that...i think its good she even considered it, too bad if she got his hopes up..if its something she isn't comfortable with then good for her, she shouldn't feel the least bit guilty..and the way i see it..if he truly loves and respects her..then this shouldn't be an issue..i would NEVER put my boyfriend in a situation or ask him to do anything he wasn't completely comfortable with...relationships are about sacrafice

For this couple it's never going to work. Homeboy getting his feelings hurt just means he's jones'n for it bad. Not a good thing. Me and my girl did it wasn't no thing. I gave her most of the real attention, let her know she was the queen and it was all good. I didn't kiss the other woman that's to sensual and intimate that's only for my girl. Anything else goes. Men and women view sex different penetration to me is just that. Ain't no emotional connection for me, but I also wasn't pushing for no threesome. Opportunity came and we went for it. She didn't really like it very much so we probably won't be doing it again but that's cool I always got my long-term memory. But our sex and relationship is still great if not better. I got an ego boost knowing I can please two women at one time so when I give it to my girl now she really gets it. Ya dig. So for those who say it'll never work yeah it can it depends on the people and their sexual maturity

this so much crap, i don't know where to begin. first thing first. if threesomes always cause problems, explain why so many millions of people around the world who enjoy them are not complaining about problems. for your information, studies show that married couples in secure marriages, who are comfortable having unconventional sex, have one of the lowest divorce rates (around 15 percent). US average divorce rate 55 percent. Fundamentalist christian divorce rate is 40 percent and of that group 90 percent got divorced after they had their epiphany and were reborn. this information is on-line in several sites. The biggest problem the woman has is not that her husband would suck a man's penis. It is that she finds it hurtful her husband could enjoy giving pleasure to another person. Her problem is jealousy. You, oh fountain of knowledge, missed that didn't you. Most likely, she has insecurity issues that need to be resolved. There is a lot that is missing in her question. The state of her marriage, for instance. Sounds like she has little confidence in her husband and, childishly, needs to feel that all of his pleasure must be derived from her. I bet she gets jealous and angry when he masturbates. ooh he was giving pleasure to himself, how selfish. Don't know for sure, but it is a bet i would put money on. She is obviously not competent to engage in unconventional relationships. I fault her husband for not knowing this about her. I don't think they have open and frank communications with each other. If he knew how she felt and still asked, then he is incredibly stupid. Before i married, i learned how my wife to be felt on everything that was important to me: sex, children, spending money, religion, where to live, other people in our lives, etc etc etc. She asked me everything she needed to know. We bared our innermost selves to each other. Then and only then, did we commit to the marriage. We have a good marriage because we know exactly where we stand with each other. It seems that is something that they didn't do.

Before we had kids my husband and I had regular threesomes with a male friend, the men never touched each other and it was all about me, sounds great doesnt it! Well it was until I fell pregnant and the first thing that my husband said to me was "Is it mine" even though I had never had unprotected sex with our friend, it scared the life out of me. We vowed never to do it again, but over the last 12 years, my husband has brought it up many times, and even now talks about it while we are having sex! I adore my husband and I know he feels the same, but this is the one thing that comes between us and it has ruined my sex life. So speaking from experience, if your not willing to keep it up dont start it, because trust me once they have done it once, they will never want to stop!!

Before we had kids my husband and I had regular threesomes with a male friend, the men never touched each other and it was all about me, sounds great doesnt it! Well it was until I fell pregnant and the first thing that my husband said to me was "Is it mine" even though I had never had unprotected sex with our friend, it scared the life out of me. We vowed never to do it again, but over the last 12 years, my husband has brought it up many times, and even now talks about it while we are having sex! I adore my husband and I know he feels the same, but this is the one thing that comes between us and it has ruined my sex life. So speaking from experience, if your not willing to keep it up dont start it, because trust me once they have done it once, they will never want to stop!!

i had a threesome with my boyfriend and lets just say it was interesting and sorta hot, it didnt end good but hell go and do it, it wont ruin the relationship its just sex, hell, were animals its nature to have sex look at animals around us they have sex with everything of their kind so who cares