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husband wants threesome (Page 1)

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Hi,

My husband has been talking me into a threesome lately. At first i was very reluctant to the idea. But later during one of our passionate lovemaking, we talked about it and he asked me if I would like to have a threesome with a girl. I said yes and we got deep into the conversation. After that we kept talking about it, what we want and what we dont, how we would want it to be, we started setting some ground rules. He even started looking for pple. When we got some replies, i started feeling uneasy to the idea. I felt that he was rushing too much into things and told him. In one of our conversations, he asked me if I would like to watch him sucking on a guy while Im watching him lovingly. i said I wouldnt mind. Then later, when I asked him if he will take pleasure doing it, he said yes. That really hurt me coz I thought I was the only person in this whole wide world he would want to give pleasure to and take pleasure from. And then I told him that I wouldnt want to share him. And now he feels abused by me, he has open his deepest thoughts to me and he feels deceived that I didnt all these to him before. His attitude has changed. Tell me what you think about the situation. Did I do it wrong?
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replied January 25th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
No. Honesty is seldom ever wrong. If this is something you don't want to do it will only hurt your relationship.

good luck!
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replied January 25th, 2008
Threesome will always cause problems, its a great fantasy fun to play with the thought. But if you really bring in someone else you will never feel the same and never be able to take it back. I know I like the fantasy but It doesnt involve my husband it would be like a three way hookup, another woman on my man hell NO. Anyway the most alarming thing to me is he says he would be into sucking a guy, I know your married but hes gay. Thats not a straight thought at all. I guess there are probably a lot of married people that are really gay, there are many men gay that love man-woman relationships marriage, being partners all that but are secretly gay. In your case its not so secret he has given you the info do with it what you will. And one other thing They ALL want threesomes. Your married you should never do something you know (and you do know in your heart it will)will hurt your relationship. There are always temptations if you two cant resist this whats to say he can resist being with another man or woman without telling you.I usually give them enough hope that it might happen...it never will but it makes for hot sex. ;p But no you did NOthing wrong, you in no way shape or form owe him sex your not comfortable with especially not involving an outside party! And I would look into his feeling "hurt" over it, I have never heard that one. How can he be hurt about it.. he is manipulating you! Just be strong and listen to your heart not the heat of the moment passion let it stay a fantasy you share.
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replied January 25th, 2008
Experienced User
I agree with those two
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replied January 25th, 2008
Experienced User
I agree with those two
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User Profile
replied January 27th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
You guys are definitely not, as a couple, a good candidate for a threesome. You were absolutely right to be honest with him.
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replied January 28th, 2008
hi,
thank you all for your views. Actually over the weekend, we talked it over and shared our views. I told him what are my fears, and learned that he didnt have any since he trusts me entirely. My greatest fear is about losing him actually. I fear that our marriage may suffer after that. As one of you said, after bringing a third person into the relationship, it may not be the same again between the 2 of us. Either we will be closer than ever before or we may be more distant. It's not a risk I want to take. However, I'm not so sure he's really gay due to the things he's been telling me about himself. I know I trust him though and he does the same for me. he told me that a threesome is just about sex, but I dont think about it this way. For me sex and emotion are related. I cannot have sex with someone I dont love, but for him that's possible, and that's why he's so much into threesomes. He told me that he wants to discover new pleasures together with me with another person or couple. he would like to include another person so that we amuse ourselves sexually. Can a guy answer me about this? i would like to know what guys think about this? Ladies are most welcome to reply. I need your views as well.

Thanks a lot.
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replied January 28th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
sex is just sex to a lot of men. women tend to connect the physical with the emotion more than men. this is true and your husband is correct.

but the problem I see is that you are not like him in this way. This could cause major issues later on if you do end up having a threesome.
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replied January 29th, 2008
Experienced User
I know exactly how you feel.. I was joking with my boyfriend one night asking him what one of his fantasies might be and i mentioned that and he liked the idea and we talked about it as well and went into the ground rules and everything but when he started looking for the other person i started getting scared.. then we dropped it and then about 6 months ago he brought it back up cause he had found a couple people interested.. well i met them and i liked them but.. wasnt sure i wanted to be with them.. the one wanted a one on one sesson with my bf and of course he said no way which made me feel good but still i started feeling uncomfy around this other person.. we've kinda dropped it again but i feel bad cause i know he wants to but.. i just dunno about this other person seems like they want to try to break us up..
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replied January 29th, 2008
im not agree with it!! that's abusing a lot!!
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replied January 29th, 2008
I understand how you might have felt WolfyLady. Actually there's no harm in talking about it, but when it comes to the act itself, it's kind of scary. That;s how it should remain i think, just a fantasy. Talking and communicating with other pple is fine, but when it comes to the act, I have my doubts and fears.
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replied January 30th, 2008
Experienced User
Having a threesome is a very common fantasy which probably works differently depending on the individual. Some may only fantasize, others may act it out and others may not be into it at all. I have never fantasized about anyone I've loved in this way but I have fantasized about having threesomes with other women I find attractive. I guess the idea of group sex seems to cut off any deep emotional loyalties.

If this isn't something you aren't into, just make your voice heard. If he's defiant, perhaps you could insist on then having a male-male-female threesome in order to even the argument.
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replied January 31st, 2008
I understand he is making his argument very passionatly for it. ALL men do Smile
Most any woman you ask in a long term will answer yes to has your husband/bf tried to get you in a threesome. Except for a select few who are really drawn to that lifestyle and comfortable with it, NONE of us actually do it. They all ask but they dont get it lol I think you may have given him a little to much hope and should pull those reigns back and point out is it worth the risk that I may feel devalued, used, ashamed afterword. Is it worth the risk that it ruins our marraige, what if he just want more more more after you give in. Idk I think if you value your marraige you shouldnt Smile

MissE read her orig post about the way he wants to be with a man.
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replied February 5th, 2008
do not i repeat do not have a threesome.
think about it... this is ur husbandddd we're talking about here.
the person uve chosen to spend the rest of ur life with and be faithful to.
threesome will cause nothing but trouble and heartache.
in my opinion dont do it!
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replied February 7th, 2008
Experienced User
My hub has suggested a threesome to me a few times. I myself get offended. That's me. He dreams of me with another women together while he watches. So sorry Charlie, no can do. Again, that's me. I am not old fashioned and anything goes in our marital bed, as long as it's just me and him ONLY... If he wants a threesome he's got a right hand, a left hand and him, there is your threesome.
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replied August 23rd, 2008
Experienced User
Him asking you to have a threesome is troublesome to me, honey. If he is asking and he is your husband I take it? That's not a good sign. It would be best to keep it a fantasy because yes, it can and will most likely cause problems in your marriage.
I have thought about doing a threesome before too with my husband but Id rather keep it a fantasy..a sexxxxy fantasy.
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replied August 25th, 2008
I'm bisexual and have had a lot of poor luck with b/f's before my current one (which I do love very much before anyone asks but he's the exception rather than the norm for me). I've had more girl-girl relations than a boy-girl. I think if my current asked if we could have a threesome with another girl I'd probably say yes to it but not to a threesome with two guys. I've had a threesome once before with an older b/f with his male friend and I didn't care for it at all. If he did suggest it with another guy or even suggest giving the other guy a blowjob I wouldn't be terribly worried by it like someone that posted above me. I mean seems people are really hung up on the sexual orientation thing I think I'd be even more comfortable with my b/f if he was bisexual as well.
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replied August 26th, 2008
Experienced User
Sorry person, but relationships are supposed to be Monogamous and I guess if you want to ruin the relationship, be my guest. I have wanted a 3some at one time too, but I'm married with two kids, one C%$# in my life is enough for me.. Would like a 3some some day with another girl, but i respect my marriage and kids too much for that. Sorry. Rolling Eyes
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replied August 26th, 2008
Experienced User
Ask him if he would be keen on a threesome with another male. If he would accept that ... then the whole reverse physology thing fails.
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replied August 26th, 2008
I wasn't trying to cause an argument was only posting my opinion on the matter. I happen to know several couples WITH children that are quite happy being swingers. It hasn't detracted from their love of each other and they say it has actually helped rekindle their love life. They've set personal rules for it as well. If one ever decides they don't enjoy it anymore they'll both stop, unless they are at a gathering they won't take another partner. The truth about sexuality and sex is you have to be honest and truthful with one another about how you feel about something...there's nothing wrong with a sexual act as long as it's between two consenting adults. If either is uncomfortable with the idea then it shouldn't be done. One of the things I noticed in short time here is a lot of people seem to like to shoot down an idea because it's "wrong" when some people come on trying to get help with their love life or new things Sad.

sherazad I'm not trying to tell you you should have a threesome I'm saying you have nothing to be ashamed of or feel that you have done wrong. The idea made you uncomfortable at some point and you deciding you didn't want it is alright. If you're worried he is gay like teeger thinks he might be no denying the possibility but he might also just be bi-curious or bisexual and you probly should try to have a discussion about it at some point because trying to hide that sorta thing could hurt him and you in the long run. It is very important to be honest with what you each want and what you each feel. While making love have you ever tried to play with his anus (I know some people are going to think this is "wrong")? some guys that are experiencing a problem figuring out their sexuality are confused because they enjoy anal stimulus but have come to think that means they're gay. So don't feel bad about telling him you didn't want to share him but do talk with him it could help him too ^^

(edit: I also happened to noticed sherazad posted this thread back in January so I'm not going to reply anymore unless sherazad actually replies cuz trying to help her is only reason I posted to begin with ^^)
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