Nathan's Asperger's symptoms are becoming more apparent. At preschool, he has pulled other kids hair for no reason and holds his hands over his ears when overstimulated - usually when auditorily overstimulated (if he perceives it as too loud) but it also can be his response if he doesn't get his own way. He is so rigid in his play that no one wants to play with him. It goes on and on....


I took him to school on Monday (MLK holiday) and a few people were there whom I work with. They know about him but have never met him. They asked him how he was and he didn't respond. With one of them, he just started talking about puzzles. He has a lot of difficulty with reciprocal communication. All three people told me later that they feel he is definitely Aspergers. One of them is a special education teacher who has worked in preschool special ed for years.

Yes, I am a school psych and can see it in other children but when it's your own, it's just different. You can't dx your own child. This hurts. I can't even began to explain what this is like.

For those that don't know, Nathan was dx with Autism and then undx a few months later by a clinical psychologist. The developmental pediatrician strongly disagreed with the undx, so she still felt he had autism when we left Ohio.

I am getting him tested by a specialist here in Idaho, so we can have everything in place for kindergarten. Maybe I am completely wrong and he doesn't have Aspergers. Perhaps I am just overanalyzing my own son??? I will find out. I do believe I am correct. I have already filled out a couple of the rating scales that help dx for that with my husband and he came out high (as having Aspergers).

I know he will struggle. I just know it. He is sensitive in his own way. It's painful to watch. Since he is extremely high functioning, it makes it that much more difficult. He has a high IQ and as he gets older, he will know how different he is and it is up to us to make sure that he has a good self esteem.

I am struggling emotionally so much this week. My son's behavior in preschool seems to be just a sample of what it will most likely be like during his school years. I work with these kids and see how they struggle (but also see some major successes as well). I am struggling with the loss of a "normal" child, especially how I see that Brian is just so "into me." He laughs with me, smiles, and has been engaging in this reciprocal nonverbal communication that Nathan never did. When other people mention to me or confirm with me that they agree he is Aspergers, it's good to have that confirmation, but each time the loss is that much more powerful. I have to say, nathan is one funny kid. The other day he took some Rolos (candies) and said, "Is it Thursday?" I said, "No it's Monday." He said, "It's Monday and we can only eat these Rolos on Mondays, so we need to eat them today and we need to eat them before daddy gets home because on Mondays daddys can't eat Rolos." I started cracking up. He really didn't seem to think he was funny. He doesn't realize that he says the funniest things. I love him.

My husband most likely on the spectrum, too. Life is extremely lonely sometimes. I PRAY that Brian can remain the way he is. It's nice to get noticed.