I don't know if I should use the word victim. But There is a girl from high school that I had a mad crush on for all four years. Barely got to know her at all cause I was too shy. 12 years later I ran into her on a social networking site, found out she lived near me and tried to reunite to be friends with her. Friends - but nothing more.

This is a very special girl, she is very beautiful and has an aura that could make any guy dream of dying for this girl! I wont go into all details but upon just trying to reunite myself with her in trying to be her friend I found out she had recently gotten out of a 5 year marriage. She only told me at first that the man she left had low self esteem and was mean. I didn't know how bad it was, but I kept trying to analyze her behavior and when I first saw her after that 12 years she said she felt trapped around me. She did not seem herself and was acting strangely - later she told me "im sorry im being such a pill' - as I drove her back to her car where we met up. I asked her why and she said that she wasn't herself. I think she was even starting to cry. I am a very shy person - i was having a hard time talking a lot and keeping the conversation active. But I have always been shy and she knew that.

I kept in touch with her for the next few months after via email, she had mentioned she would let me know when her and I could hang out again. It had been a while so I asked her when and if she was really up to doing that. She told me she felt uneasy around me and and that it was not me but something to do with what she has been through - that she can't trust anyone.

I have never had a relationship in my life. I am a kind sensitive person and the reason I wanted to reunite with this girl is because in high school I could never talk to her - but now I had come over a lot of social obstacles to do so. So I was trying so hard to get there. Yet it wasn't enough and she said she would not be friends with me because of this strange feeling she got around me.

I really don't understand what it would be about me even by just not speaking much, be the reason for her not wanting to be my friend. This is an epic journey I was on - I came to her and said I wanted you to know there were things I wanted to say in high school that I couldn't. She knew I didn't want more than friendship but in some ways acted like I did. For example: she would tell me she wasn't interested in me right away - when I had told her - I wanted to just tell her things I thought about her 12 years ago - but just laugh at them, like they were ships that pass in the night.

What I am getting at here is that I feel really terrible, because I am not experienced with woman. She and I are 31 and 32. So this may seem like a stupid question but - is it the abuse that she may have gone through (be it i don't know if it was physical or not) that caused her to act this way? To tell me she didn't want to be friends? Is it just my shyness and lack of keeping the conversation going constantly enough that maybe triggered her to feel this way? Do many woman get a PTSD from this kind of a relationship.

She would not tell me anything about why she was acting the way she was and all. She knows I had always dreamed of being her friend, and told me I was very brave to come to her after 12 years and tell her these things. I told her I don't understand all of this, I tried to say I was sorry that she felt uneasy around me. I don't know why - I wish she would have given me more information.

I suppose i am looking for some perspective. I know now that she is "damaged goods" - I hate that term. But in high school she was my first love from afar and it hurts to think that some guy could do this to her. Now it had affected me in that she didn't even seem to really appreciate all that I did to try to get to know her. Can someone tell me its not me? Can someone tell me that this happens often with woman who have gotten out of a marriage like this?

I told her in an email, it was the last email I was allowed to write her - that all i wanted to do was make the dream come true I had to be her friend and finally get to know her. I told her all I wanted to do was be someone she 'could' feel comfortable around and I did my best. I closed it telling her that I hope she comes out of this so that someday she can trust people.

I am really hurting cause I never thought she would throw me out of her life when she didn't even really get to know me - and maybe something about me triggered something bad she went through and then freaked out.
I don't know. I just need to know it wasn't me. I was only trying to be her friend.