Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Good Forwards Posted: 01-23-08 13:33pm
Anyone get any good forwards lately??
Heres a few ive gotten
1)If a raindrop was a kiss id send you
showers. If a hug was a min id send you
hours. If a smile was water id send you
the sea. If you need a friend i'll send
you me!!!
2)Your Smile Made My Week, Your Laugh Made
My Month,Your Sweetness Made My Year, But
Your Friendship Made My Life!!
3)I have always hated weddings cause old
people polk at you and say "your next!!"
So i started doing the same to them at
funerals
4)98% of drivers say "oh s**t" when they
hit the ice. The other 2% are from
Oklahoma say "hold my beer and watch
this!!"
5)"Bad B**ches!" We are disliked by
plenty, wanted by many, hated by some but
confronted by none!!!
6)MENopause, MENstrual cycle, MENstual
pain, MENtal illness, GUYnecologist,
HISterectomy. Ever notice how womens
problems result from men?
7)Women are like telephones, they love to
be talked to, they love to be held, but
push the wrong button and your a$$ will be
disconnected
8)Baby if you were my homework, id do you
on my table everyday!!! JP!!
9)Summers Eve has a new douche made of
marijuana, deoderant, and kentucky fried
chicken. It leaves women high and dry and
finger licken good!!!
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
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Posted: 01-25-08 14:26pm
Very cute
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 01-25-08 14:33pm
hehe thanks!!!!
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006 Posts: 4346 Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 93
Thanked:63
Posted: 01-25-08 15:26pm
i actually havent gotten any forwards in a
while.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 01-25-08 15:31pm
i get them all the time except mine are
like "if you forward this to 10 people you
will win 27682647655 dollars in 10 days.
if you dont then jesus will come kill you
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006 Posts: 4346 Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 93
Thanked:63
Posted: 01-25-08 15:41pm
oh yeah i hate those. I usually only open
the ones from people that i know dont
usually dabble in forwards cause then i
know that they will be good
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 01-28-08 13:44pm
yea same here i hate those ones that say
you have to do this or this will happen
lol.
here's a couple more :
Someone said that a chick was running down
the block with saggy boobs, dirty panties
and a bottle of tequila. Where the hell
were you going?
Why do girls fart after they pee? Because
they can't shake it so they blow dry
it!!!
A man gives blood to save his girlfriend.
They break up and he wants it all back.She
hands him a tampon and says "I'll pay you
monthly!!!"
Why does a hooker get paid more than a
drug dealer? Cause a hooker can rewash her
crack and sell it again!!!!
Have you ever wondered if your mom gave
your dad a blow job before she kissed you
goodnight??......... If not----I bet you
are now!!!!
Roses are red, condoms are blue, aids are
killing so watch who you screw.
Can you get pregnant from anal sex? and if
so is it considered a crack baby or an
a**hole???
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 02-06-08 13:38pm
WOMEN!!!! Boob jobs, botox, pierced ears,
nipples, bellies and clits. Eyebrows
plucked, bikini and leg waxing!! And they
wont take it in the a** cuz it hurts!!!
(imagine this i got it from my
boyfriend!!! lol)
Elephant asked camel "Why are your tits on
your back?" Camel said " Ain't that some
sh*t, coming from a guy with a d**k on his
face!!!"
Why is orgasn a 6 letter word? because
it's easier to spell than...
OhmygodyesOhsh*tdeepteryesgodpleaseOh!!!
Question on the day- if you have sex with
a hooker against her will is it considered
rape or shoplifting?
Warning!! sucking d**k is bad for your
health, it's 1% urine 3% pubic hair 5% nut
and 91% other b**ches!!!
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 02-14-08 14:33pm
Next time you call in sick to work, tell
em you have Anal Blindness if they ask
"What's that?" Tell em "I can't see my a$$
going to work!!"
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006 Posts: 4346 Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 93
Thanked:63
Posted: 02-17-08 15:42pm
Here is a forward my dear sister sent me
to cheer me up
EFFECTIVE January 3, 2008
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed
according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you
are doing well financially and therefore
do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn
to manage your money better, so that you
may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you
do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right
where you need to be and therefore you do
not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's
statement as proof of sickness. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to
come to work. Insurance will be reduced
to $10 a year per person. You should not
be going to the Dr. since the excuses are
not valid, therefore you do not need
insurance. We will be raising the rates
of your insurance. We figure if you have
to pay us for insurance, you will think
twice before being “sick”.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal
days a year. They are called Saturdays
& Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There
is nothing you can do for dead friends,
relatives or co-workers. Every effort
should be made to have non-employees
attend the funeral arrangements in your
place. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral
should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work
through your lunch hour and subsequently
leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in
the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the stalls. At
the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
the stall door will open, and a picture
will be taken. After your second offense,
your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic
Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling
in the picture will be sectioned under the
company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch,
as they need to eat more, so that they can
look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for
lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain
their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch,
because that's all the time needed to
drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive
employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation and input
should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 02-18-08 12:23pm
wow lol
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006 Posts: 4346 Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 93
Thanked:63
Posted: 02-19-08 15:20pm
i pity whatever company has that
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 02-22-08 14:01pm
so do i id be like buh bye
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006 Posts: 4346 Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 93
Thanked:63
Posted: 02-22-08 14:05pm
yah me too
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 02-22-08 14:20pm
hehe
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mominashoe
Supporter
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1694 Location: , KS USA
Thanks: 32
Thanked:16
Posted: 02-22-08 14:41pm
Hmm, I wonder where you got that forward
Dyan?
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Tmddyan
Moderator
Joined: 13 Jun 2006 Posts: 4346 Location: post falls, id usa
Thanks: 93
Thanked:63
Posted: 02-22-08 14:43pm
no idea lol! just from you --but you knew
that lol
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1726 Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6
Posted: 02-22-08 15:38pm
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other
in 30 years,
reunited at a party.? After several
drinks, one of the men had to use the rest
room.
Those who remained talked about their
kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride
and joy. He
started working at a successful company at
the bottom of the barrel. He studied
Economics and Business Administration and
soon began to climb the corporate ladder
and now he's the president of the company.
He became so rich that he gave his best
friend a top of the line Mercedes for his
birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's
terrific! My son is
also my pride and joy. He started working
for a big airline, and then went to flight
school to become a pilot. Eventually he
became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets. He's so
richthat he gave his best friend a brand
new jet for his birthday." The third man
said: "Well, that's terrific! My son
studied in the best universities and
became an engineer. Then he started his
own construction company and is now a
multimillionaire. He also gave away
something very nice and expensive to his
best friend for his birthday: A
30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other
just as the
fourth returned from the restroom and
asked: "What are all the congratulations
for?" One of the three said: "We were
talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. What about your
son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and
makes a
living dancing as a stripper at a
nightclub." The three friends said:
"What a shame...what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not
ashamed. He's my
son and I love him. And he hasn't done
too bad either. His birthday was two weeks
ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000
square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a
top of the line Mercedes from his three
boyfriends.
__________________________________________
__________________
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
"HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW".
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
"FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T T HINK SO".
FINE,
THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
"WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT "
TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
"FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO".
"FINE", SHE SAYS
"THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK "
"I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS".
HE SAYS, "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!! "
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF
HOURS...................................
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE, HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
"HONEY", HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET
FIXED?"
SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
J UST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE".
HE SAID,
"SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?"
SHE REPLIED,
"HELLOOOOO..
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!"
__________________________________________
__________________
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of
the mirror complaining
to my husband that my breasts are too
small.
Instead of characteristically telling me
it's not so, He
uncharacteristically comes up with a
suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then
every day take a piece
of toilet paper and rub it between them
for a few seconds".
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece
of toilet paper and
stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it
between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of
years," my husband
replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a
piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my
breasts larger over the
years?"
Without missing a beat he says, "Worked
for your butt, didn't
it?"
__________________________________________
_________________
BLONDE & PREGNANT
The other day my neighbor, who is BLONDE,
came running up to me in the
driveway just jumping for JOY! I didn't
know what she was so excited about,
but I thought 'what the heck', and started
jumping up and down with her.
She said, "I have some really great
news!"
I said, "Great, tell me why you are so
happy."
She stopped jumping up and down, and
breathing heavily from all the jumping,
said "I'm pregnant!!!"
I knew that she had been trying for a
while so I told her, "That's great! I
couldn't be happier for you!"
She said, "Wait, there's more." I asked,
"What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not just having
one baby, we are going to have
TWINS!"
Amazed at how soon she could know so soon
after getting pregnant, I asked
her how she knew. She said.........."Well
that was the easy part. I went to
Wal-Mart and they actually had a home
pregnancy kit in a TWIN pack, and both
tests came out positive!!"
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mominashoe
Supporter
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1694 Location: , KS USA
Thanks: 32
Thanked:16
Posted: 02-22-08 19:05pm
LOL I love the first one...
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
