I also wanted to add that we also considered using a combination of Natural Family Planning and condom use, but I think it might not be possible since she has pretty irregular periods - or is there a better/easier/more reliable way to track ovulation?

I think the best of both worlds would be to implement that strategy - but not at the expense of not preventing pregnancy.

PLENTY of women that do not have children will use an IUD.

I have NO CHILDREN, and I have successfully used an IUD and love it.

IUD's so not affect fertility, and they are PLENTY safe for people who want children in the future.

The PROBLEM is that SOME doctors may not insert an IUD, so you may have to look around.

Remember, an IUD is crampy and a little painful to insert..

But childbirth is more painful.

Gotcha. I didn't read anywhere about it affecting fertility... quite the opposite (fertility returns rapidly). My concern was with the increased risk of a miscarriage if she does become pregnant while using an IUD. Plus, the increased cramps, etc is a pretty hard sell, when we could just use condoms. Thanks for the reply!

Firstly, I would like to commend you on your responsible and considerate approach in researching this topic rather than leaving it to your fiancee.

Based on my own experience alone, I would probably suggest that you leave the IUD for a while and meantime, at least try the BC Pill for a few months. If it doesn't work out, then she can try something else, but in those first few months it is important to feel relaxed and confident about your love-making without having to fiddle around with condoms or worry about dislodging an IUD!

Good luck and congratulations to both of you.

I agree that you may want to leave off the idea of the IUD until she has been sexually active for a little while.

There are several BC pills on the market, now, that contain very low levels of hormones; you also may want to consider having her fitted for a diaphram or trying some level of spermicide (or both).

Your very best bet is to go to her OB/GYN together (if she doesn't have one by now, she definitely should) and discuss the options with him/her. The doctor will be able to give you some of the best recommendations regarding your concerns and be able to point you in the best direction for your upcoming family planning.

Good luck and congratulations!

IUD's do NOT DISLODGE during sex, or due to sexual activity.

I work in womens health =) I work with birth control on a daily basis.

IF A woman gets pregnant with an IUD, the risk for miscarriage is high because we HAVE to remove the IUD immediately.

I became pregnant on an IUD once, I had an abortion, and then had another IUD promptly inserted.

NO birth control is 100%.

Many doctors(and I agree) recommend that if you get pregnant with an IUD, that you have an abortion, because it would be safer than risking infection from a miscarriage.

IUD's are SO effective that pregnancy is INCREDIBLY unlikely.

MOST women only have cramps for the first 1-3 months, the it settles down.


I work in a clinic that provides abortion and birth control services.

I see A LOT OF women pregnant when CONDOMS ONLY were used. They just are not as effective as many other methods.

The patch is a HIGHER DOSE of hormones than many LOW dose pills will give.

You cannot know how she will react on birth control unless she tries.

There are MANY MANY unique hormonal combinations, and she could try different methods out to see what works for her.

NUVA RING is the LOWEST dose or hormones around, and very few women have problems with it.

While there is no method of birth control that is 100%, I believe that there may be options that are not painful at all and may work just as well for the poster's fiancee.



I understand that you may work with women's health, but you don't work with THIS woman, particularly. I don't think getting defensive about someone else's experiences (which is what shonster said it was) makes you seem more like an expert.

The correct way to state this is that if the IUD is inserted properly it should not interfere with sex, become dislodged or cause either you or your partner pain. Does it happen? Certainly. Should it? No.

The issue is that it is always a possibility. Since it is, and there is cramping at first, do you want to take the chance that your fiancee will not want to have sex because she is having cramps? The work around, for course, is to have it placed ahead of time, so the cramping is over by the time you're married, but I still think a trip to the OB/GYN for some professional advice is your best bet.

Here's my input- I've tried both methods (as well as many others)

I had the mirena IUD and honestly, I'm thinking of going back on the copper one now. The mirena wasn't for me, but I'm thinking it IUD's are really great options for most women, because they are extremely effective and low cost and have few side effects. Yes, there is the risk of miscarriage if you get pregnant on the IUD, but that is so unlikely I never even worried about it once.

Condoms are fine, but they are kind've annoying once you're in a monogamous relationship. It's harder to be spontaneous, and they just aren't as effective. They can be effective, but they aren't as effective as a pill or an IUD would be. I'm married, and I'm on them right now while I wait to switch to something else, and it's such a drag. You could also think of a diaphragm or cervical cap and use them in conjunction with spermicide or condoms, that would make it more effective and still non-hormonal. I was on condoms for a while and i'm on them again. I think if you're going to use condoms it's a good idea to keep a pack of plan b around for in case they break (which they do, it's happened to me) or something else weird happens.

She's never tried hormonal birth control, and honestly, I would suggest trying it before you knock it. Some women can't handle it, that's true. But just because women in her family have reacted bad doesn't mean she will. Plus, there are so many different kinds. For me, I have a bad time with progesterone only methods but I react fine on combined estrogen/progesterone methods. Also, low dose pills or low dose methods are less likely to cause side effects. Pills like loestrin or something like the ring might work really well. And the ring is SO easy to use it's pretty effective. I'm not surprised her sister had a bad reaction on the patch, many women do. Lower dose pills are more likely to be a good match for most women.

So, sorry for the lecture. That's just what I would suggest based on my experience. I guess it's going to come down to how much you want to avoid pregnancy and what percentage of effectiveness is good enough for you. It sounds like the two of you have done your reserach, though, good for you.

No worries, not a lecture - I appreciate it! I think we need to take a trip to the gyno for sure.

It makes me laugh though. Throughout a lot of the wedding planning and preperations i'm pretty laid back, like "what towels do we want to register for? should we invite this person to the wedding?". But when it comes to sex, i'm like "Let's talk about it. Let's research the crap out of it. Let's go to your gyno..."

Thanks, Duchess - I was about to make the point, too, that using block capitals doesn't help get one's point across either!

You are correct - I did say it was based on my own experience and unfortunately, I cannot recommend the IUD for a sexually inexperienced woman. Mine did become dislodged and, although it seemed to be causing me no problems, my partner experienced a nasty jabbing sensation on one or two occasions before he decided he'd better alert me to it. It had slipped half way through my cervix before I went to have it checked. Had I been more aware, I would have been checking that the little thread was in place but i was still rather squeamish about anything 'up there'.

As you say, there are so many pills on the market that the newlyweds are bound to find something that suits and I agree that it would be a good idea to get something in place long before the wedding night!

Well, I think that's really great. It's great when the guy gets involved in the birth control thing, personally my man doesn't really care (I think he's afraid to have an opinion about it) and I wish he was more into it. But it sounds like you really care about your girl and her health and happiness.

And you know once you are having sex she'll need yearly paps and all that.....

*note: The following has been pasted into this thread from my post in the women's health forum, since it goes into birth control aspects

soonhitched

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Posted: 01-27-08 01:00am
So I've been thinking more about why I wouldn't like to use condoms - and I think it's the emotional side of it. We both have saved ourselves for marriage and the idea of sharing that gift with each other and not truly having that contact with her kind of bothers me. To not be able to cum inside of her almost seems like a cruel joke!

Not sure if all guys feel this way, but my semen is a part of me and the physical "sharing" of that is kind of symbolic of wanting or really connecting with me. So I think it's just the idea of cumming in a condom and disposing of it seems to - cheapen it?

Can anyone relate? I want to get my thoughts straight before I bring it up...
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Georgia59
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Posted: 01-27-08 11:17am
I get what you're saying. It makes sense. I don't really like using condoms either- I've never really considered why.

AND of course they're not as effective as other types of birth control, so that's a big knock against them. I don't know what your plans are as far as children go, but I guess that's something you need to decide.

But sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. While I see your point, I think you'll find that sharing pleasure and being able to connect on an emotional level and through physical pleasure is really great- and maybe you won't be so concerned about the actual physical "sharing."
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soonhitched

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Posted: 01-27-08 11:59am
Perhaps. I guess I'm kind of sold on an IUD - it's safe, no hormones, effective, allows for spontaniety and of course, contact. However, the increased bleeding and cramping, and also the uncomfortable insertion is really what she's not comfortable with.

My point of view is that, although it the increased bleeding is for 1-3 months, and while that sucks, it's also done with (for the most part from what I'm reading after that period). No buying condoms periodically or having to put one on each time we have sex, no remembering/forgetting to take pills.

It's kind of frustrating, because with the exception of the condom, most birth control have these side effects that primarily affect the woman - so for me to propose one over the other is like "oh, so you'd rather me go to a gyno and be in pain for a couple months?"

Nuva Ring is hormonal, but the hormone dose is SUPER SUPER low, and causes few problems in most women.

You could check that out, just to see if it works =)

I love the IUD.

I agree trying the nuvaring, it will most likely decrease cramping and stuff like that. I tried that and loved it almost 100%.

I also tried an IUD. I think it's also a great choice. There are many reasons that it's great. And the insertion was painful, yes, but not so bad I wouldn't do it again.

I can see why you're reluctant to bring it up, though, because I would be a little angry if my guy "suggested" that I go through pain and suffering like that. Maybe you should suggest she come on here and look at this thread? She ultimately has to decide for herself. BUt as far as birth control goes, the woman is almost always the one who has to deal with it, and that's just the way it is. You getting involved, in a caring, open, way, can only be a good thing. Offer to go with her to all appointments, definitely to the insertion, drive her home, baby her for the day, that kind of thing. She'll appreciate it and you'll both be involved.

There are a lot of reasons (for the couple as a whole) that an IUD or something similar are better than condoms- effectiveness, ease of use, ease of sex life, etc. And the ring might be good to try just because it would be easy and you could do it just for a few months (at least three) and see if it is for you. If it is, there won't be any of those crazy side effects.

Lastly, don't be persuaded by what you read on here regarding side effects. People come to birth control forums usually because they aren't happy with their birth control. While side effects are fairly common and do happen, most women are able to find a hormonal birth control that is right for them, with very few side effects.

The IUD is a lot cheaper too (over the long run) because it's a one time cost for 10 years, if you choose to leave it in that long.

Soonhitched....I will say it is wonderful to "meet" someone else who has not had sex before marriage! I am one of the few, and I don't oppose to having sex before marriage, but due to the fact basically ALL of my friends have kids and MOST of my fiance's friends have kids, it is very nice hearing from someone who is a virgin...

My fiance and I have been discussing birth control options as well, and we don't want to just rely on the condoms alone to protect me...I don't have a gyno, and am really nervous to go...I have a hard time imagining letting someone looking in there lol....But soon I want to go, and I want to get on the Nuvaring...From all the people I have talked to, the Nuvaring seems to help those lose weght/maintain a healthy weight, they don't have any side effects, and also it doesn't have to be inserted or taken all the time...If I don't do that, I will try the pill first, then resort to the Nuvaring...I have thought about going to the health department first to obtain birth control, and then going to a gyno....

Jeremy and I are wanting to get married this fall, but we will most likely be getting married this coming spring due to money situations, like saving, and the fact he has a house now....he's 23, I'm 20, we've been together for over 4 yrs.....I live at home with my parents....And I don't want them finding out...kinda of stupid, but you'd have to understand my parents...especially with the fact I only have two or three close friends who don't have kids or are pregnant (and keep in mind they are all between 18-21) and they are always preaching to me about not getting pregnant and blah blah blah...

Anyways, wanted to also say congrats on getting married....Good luck!

first of all congratulations!

you are definitely not alone in wanting to be as close as possible when sharing this experience.

my husband and i used condoms during the first couple months of our marriage and it got to the point where i wouldnt let him put one on.

he didnt argue =) and we havent used one since. it is amazingly different without the restrictions of a condom. (even with a very thin one.) for us there was a more profound emotional connection as well as physical. but i am glad we experienced it both ways.

i am also incredibly sensitive to hormones and i opted not to try the pill. i have been using a copper IUD for almost seven years now and i love it! it was a little uncomfortable during the insertion but nothing more than a pinch followed by light cramping. (which earned me a hot bath and a back massage from the hubby) i didnt have any abnormal cramping in the following months but i have pretty mild periods anyway.
if your fiancee has very heavy periods or a lot of cramping normally, she may experience more side effects the first few months. either way i think it totally worth it!
and its not like the cramping lasts for months at a time. just for a few days during her cycle. small price to pay for 10 years of reliable birth control! just have some midol handy =)
i have also heard great things about the nuva ring for woman who have a low tolerance for hormones and/or irregular cycles.
so she may want to look into that as well. i have also heard that it feels great during sex =)

best of luck to you both!