GLBT Relationships Forum - Great Sex When We're High

What I got out of all that is that your boyfriend is young, immature, and probably very very confused. While you are 32 and he is 19 and you are both adults, there is still a world of difference between you two. He is at an age where he is just leaving home and experiencing the world on his own. This is the time for him to go out, try new things, make mistakes, discover who he is. You are beyond all that. You've done your exploring, you've decided who are you, you are at an age where you want to settle down, be committed and find a partner who is willing to share the rest of your life with. I can't tell you what is right for your relationship - I can only tell you my experience. I dated someone who was five years younger than me when we met. At the time, she was 18, I was 24. Not as great an age difference as you and your boyfriend but still one that eventually created problems. She had just left home, gotten her first real job, dealing with paying bills and rent. She met a bunch of new people (including me) staying out late, partying, drinking, and eventually discovering she was very likeable and very much wanted by other people. I, on the other hand, was beginning to wind down from all the drinking and partying and sex adventures and was beginning to get the urge to settle down, think about a future and think about a family. It got to the point where she thought I was a 40 year old in a 25 year old body and I was getting tired of her childish and immature ways. She eventually dumped me and, ironically, hooked up with a girl two years younger than me who already has two children. Weird.

Anyways, my point is, sometimes the age difference is destined to ruin a relationship. I don't think this is genuinely the rule, but I do think there are few exceptions (my grandfather was 10 years older than my grandmother and they were married 35 years - so who knows). However, he is young, still immature, still finding out who he is. He may tell you different but I suspect he is still grappling with being gay. He may not have accepted it, may not have accepted himself and may be trying to decide if he is actually gay or straight or maybe bi. This is a very difficult time for him. If he is still discovering who he is, he is going to be going down a very tumultuous road and you, being the closest person to him, are going to be the target of a lot of his ever changing emotions.

I don't mean to sound so pessimistic but this is what happened to me and I can say with all honesty that you will probably, to some degree, experience the same thing with your boyfriend. You will have to figure out how much you are willing to put up with and how much you are willing to risk investing in someone who may eventually leave you. If possible, I would sit down and have a heart to heart to him if he is willing to talk about it. Ask him how he feels about being who he is (gay, straight, bi), about being with someone who is older - get him talking about what he thinks, what he worries about, and what makes him happy. You will get a better idea of where things stand with the two of you. If he won't talk, it will be up to you to decide how much you are willing to put up with before you won't tolerate things anymore. Be patient and be understanding. Good luck - I hope you both can find your happiness.