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Q: pregnant and abused
asked by: Leanne86 on January 21st, 2008
New User
To all......... I first met my partner 2 and a half years ago. He was a wreck, alcoholic and on drugs. My heart went out to him for he was still a good man but just going through rough times. We became close friends and things starting getting serious between us and I was helping him through alot of his issues and we finally got him off drugs and most of his alcohol addiction. Time went by and i grew extremely attached and I guess you could say in love and he in love with me. I always knew he was different and even back then could be pretty awful at times. But this was justified due to the fact that when he was lovely he was prince charming and everything i ever wanted. So i put up with his behavior until it got worse.
The first time he physically abused me we were together about 8 months.
I tried stopping him from hurting himself and he put his hands around my neck and threw me to the floor. I ran down to his parents for help but they didnt do anything as they are scared of him too but never really take it seriously enough that he hits me apart from giving him a "talk". After that there were several more occasions of physical abuse and at least every second day there was emotional and verbal abuse. The most severe time he hurt me was when i had been out at my girlfriends and was 40 min late home. I messaged to let him know but obviously that wasnt good enough. I walked in the door at 11.00pm . The first thing I heard was him swearing at me to get out so i quietly picked up my things and started leaving. Then i felt my head go into our glass door , he pinned me to the ground and slapped me then strangled me until i could hear nothing but my own heavy breathing. When i could get up i tried to escape but before i knew it he twisted my arm with one hand and with the other hand put my head into the tiled floor. The rest was a blur until i got out and had neighbors pull me into their home and help me find somewhere safe to stay. The other time that really stands out is when he dragged me from the bed by my bottom jaw puncturing under my tounge to the front door, put me up against the wall and hit me then threw me round the house.
These two instances were only two of many. The physical abuse has calmed down but i still get emotionally abused and verbally abused every day now. I dont know why i dont leave especially now that im pregnant and know that my baby is my first priority. If you are in an abusive relationship look up Nacsisstic personality disorder. It could be the cause for your partners abusive behavior. I want to get out of this relationship. I also have been very emotionally abused by his parents and feel so caught in all of this. If you are in a similar situation please write back. I know i can find the strength to leave but i know i need help to do it.
A WARNING TO ALL WOMEN: IF YOU MEET SOMEONE WHO EVEN JUST SHOWS SMALL SIGNS OF ABUSIVE behavior GET AWAY BEFORE YOU GET CAUGHT AND YOU ARE ONE OF THE MANY THOUSANDS OF WOMEN LIKE ME WHO FEEL HOPELESS TO LEAVE.
I refuse to let my son when he is born be brought into a broken home. I have 11 weeks until my due date so need to take action asap.
As sorry as i would feel for him to leave i know deep down he will be fine.
Any women in this situation needs to focus on how their life could be with someone who truly loves and cares for them.
WE ALL DESERVE NOTHING LESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Replies(7)
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Hart74
replied on February 15th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
Dear Leanne86,
Sorry to hear about what you're going through. Hun have he try getting any help like angry management or counselling? If you still want to stay and be abused than it's your own call but think of the child that you're carrying. He deserved to see the world with a loving enviroment. You don't deservered to be abused by anyone you did the right thing by coming here and telling your story now it's entirely up to you to take the next step. IF I'm in your shoe I'll walk out from there. Obviously the parent does respect you enough to abused you, do you want your child to see and live with all these? PM me if you need to talk to someone about it. Good luck and take care. Love Hart74
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HcoBrunette06
replied on February 15th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
This is obvious, but you need to get out. I'm glad you refuse to let your son grow up in a broken home, that's a great sign. Do you have anywhere else to go? Any friends that'll let you stay with them until you get on your feet?

If anything, I suggest you find a cheap hotel (but I know after a few days that really adds up.) or find a womens shelter to stay in. I know it's hard to leave, and it's scary thinking about a change as big as this, but please get out. You don't deserve this and neither does your son.

If you need anything you can pm me. Good luck and please keep us updated.
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Willa Weintraub
replied on February 15th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
You need to get out for you and your son. You both deserve better than that. No man should ever treat a woman like that.
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Verizon-y
replied on February 15th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
He has already abused your son. Don't let it happen again.
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newmommy07
replied on February 16th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
I've been in an abusive relationship & stayed in it for several years, I wouldnt leave because I felt sorry for him & somehow I could always find an explanation to why he acted the way he did. I could look at what I knew about this man and make sense of why he abused me, why he had this anger. I warped my mind into a deep understanding for him while he hit me, I loved this man with everything. Over the years I was with him I changed, first I withdrew from family, friends, lost my jobs over him, became unsteady, hated myself, blamed myself, became suicidal, did favors and special things i diddnt want to like have sex with him after hed hit me just to make peace with him. He too was everything I dreamed of when he was on a "good day". I punished myself for years over him just to waist precious years of my life. At the end of all this he never changed but im glad im out of his life. however i still miss him because my love never fades apparently, if i love u i love you forever no matter what u do to me. i have to stay busy and live in a diff state just so i dont mess up and go back to him. as of now im building my self esteem back up, getting back out in the world and raising my son, who was a mistake (wasnt planned) but in honesty my son is what i call my "perfect mistake" and thats because hes what changed my life and in a way saved my life if you know what i mean. its hard to go thru what your going thru i know ive been there. and when ppl say they know what your going through, they dont unless they have been there before, trust me on that. i used to be on the outside looking in too so ive been on the other side of the coin, telling a friend to get out and leave her abusive b/f. ppl from the outside in can only give support and comfort, they cant fully understand how hard and complicated it really is. there is so much to it mentally, so many diff break downs in development of your own persona. i cant fully explain but i know you prolly understand, pm for details that i can better explain when i have more time and writting space. Goodluck, your headed in the right direction, stay strong.
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Verizon-y
replied on February 16th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
newmommy, so how did you finally get the strength to leave? What did you do first? Did you call a friend or relative to see if you could stay with them, or how did you do it?
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hippiechik1819
replied on March 12th, 2008
New User
newmommy what was the last straw for u and how did u financially survive if its not too uch to ask for what did u do and go that very first day u left how was it?
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