Hello. Sorry if this is too lengthy but I am looking for a little advice. Here it goes,

I am a college student and was diagnosed with bipolar at a young age. I have basically never been on medication and it has worked out OK. Lately though things have been more difficult. I recently started taking Adderall to help me focus. It has been working very well, however; I notice when taking Adderall it seems like the biggest factor in helping me focus is the 'high' it gives me. I feel more confident, more social, more motivated, more outgoing, more understanding and just overall happier when I am under it's effects. However Adderall is only a stimulant and when it wears off (in about 4-5 hours), I go back to feeling normal again.

Normal for me is characterized as mostly a lower mood. Most of the time I feel social anxiety, unmotivated, stressed out, and slightly depressed. Rarely, I have hypnomanic moodswings, but this is never a problem for me. I have never done anything irrational in a hypnomanic mood and its more a feeling of talking alot / having a 'flight of ideas'. Infact it is safe to say I really enjoy these moods because I enjoy the feeling of having creative energy. So this is to say that I really have no problems with any sort of dangerous or undesirable "up" mood. Sometimes, though; I have manic symptoms while I am depressed. This feels much different than hypnomania and often results in racing of thoughts (in a bad way, for instance negative thoughts while trying to sleep), extremely frequent mood swings, acting irrationally without thinking first, looking at the world in a negative way. I have had only 1 major depressive episode (contemplation of suicide, but not an attempt) in my life and even this episode was brought on by events that any normal person would consider depressing, however; the constant (seemingly unending) day-to-day downs that I have, can be really exhausting and are starting to have a small impact on my relationships and school. If it weren't for adderall (the ability to pull myself out from these moods for short periods of time to get work done) I would probably be alot worse off. I realize this is NOT what adderall is for and it is not healthy to self-medicate in this way.

Therefore I am trying to figure out what kind of long term medication I should get on, if any. I have never been a fan of mood stabilizers because they seem to be for people who have mostly mania, which is not me. I also fear that I will lose my hypnomania if I take something like lithium. Anti-depressants seem to be the more appropriate option but the risks associated with them are scary to me. I also am not sure how common it is for someone with bipolar disorder to be on anti-depressants or if it is normally appropriate. If there are any other options then I am unaware of them. I would appreciate any advice. Again, sorry if this was rather lengthy.