Stop Smoking Forum - helping boyfriend quit smoking ?!

lele25

replied on January 20th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

I was guessing from your avatar that you were a smoker? LOL Guess not but anyways, I don't think you should have lied to him. Ok yeah it was for his own good, but lying to him will only lead to him not trusting you. No healthy relationships are ever built on lies, they take honesty, understanding, paitence, and of course love. I'm kinda surprised that he believed you...if yall have been together for a long time would'nt he know that you don't really smoke?

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crazyinluvwitchu

replied on January 21st, 2008

Experienced User

lele25 wrote:

I was guessing from your avatar that you were a smoker? LOL Guess not but anyways, I don't think you should have lied to him. Ok yeah it was for his own good, but lying to him will only lead to him not trusting you. No healthy relationships are ever built on lies, they take honesty, understanding, paitence, and of course love. I'm kinda surprised that he believed you...if yall have been together for a long time would'nt he know that you don't really smoke?

yeah..I know....I felt super bad for lying to him!.....
but like I said..I did it for him...see, now he aint a huge smoker like before
I know relationships aren't built on lies.....
but I just created that..because we're both far away from eachother..so I aint there by his side to tell him *NO!..you cant smoke that!*

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lele25

replied on January 21st, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

Well....how do you know he's telling you the truth about cutting down on the ciggs? He could be lying to you just like you lied to him? After all..you said it yourself...your not there by his side!

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crazyinluvwitchu

replied on January 21st, 2008

Experienced User

lele25 wrote:

Well....how do you know he's telling you the truth about cutting down on the ciggs? He could be lying to you just like you lied to him? After all..you said it yourself...your not there by his side!

I know I"m not by his side!...
and I know that he aint lying to me..
I've known him long enough to know that he doesn't know how to lie!......

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lele25

replied on January 21st, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

Hun...don't get so defensive...I'm simply trying to point out the harm in lying to a significant other. If you can lie to him then there's nothing to stop him from lying to you. You dont seem to have much expirence when it comes to relationships, I on the other hand have plenty of expirence and I'm just trying to help. You asked if it was wrong to lie to him and I'm saying yes it was, and pointing out some reasons why. There were many different ways you could have gone about helping him to quit and lying should not have been one of them. You say that you have known him long enough....well 6 months is not that long and of those 6 months you've only spent 3 of them together in person. And yes everyone is capable of lying, he is no exception.

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lele25

replied on January 21st, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

Hun...don't get so defensive...I'm simply trying to point out the harm in lying to a significant other. If you can lie to him then there's nothing to stop him from lying to you. You don't seem to have much experience when it comes to relationships, I on the other hand have plenty of experience and I'm just trying to help. You asked if it was wrong to lie to him and I'm saying yes it was, and pointing out some reasons why. There were many different ways you could have gone about helping him to quit and lying should not have been one of them. You say that you have known him long enough....well 6 months is not that long and of those 6 months you've only spent 3 of them together in person. And yes everyone is capable of lying, he is no exception.

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crazyinluvwitchu

replied on January 21st, 2008

Experienced User

lele25 wrote:

Hun...don't get so defensive...I'm simply trying to point out the harm in lying to a significant other. If you can lie to him then there's nothing to stop him from lying to you. You dont seem to have much expirence when it comes to relationships, I on the other hand have plenty of expirence and I'm just trying to help. You asked if it was wrong to lie to him and I'm saying yes it was, and pointing out some reasons why. There were many different ways you could have gone about helping him to quit and lying should not have been one of them. You say that you have known him long enough....well 6 months is not that long and of those 6 months you've only spent 3 of them together in person. And yes everyone is capable of lying, he is no exception.

ok...lele25..I'm sorry!....you are right!..thanx!....
well instead of lying to him about it.....what's the other thing I should do?.
cause I really do trust him with all my heart,and I wouldn't blame him if he does lie to me about cutting dowm with smoking!......
well that's the thing.He cant lie....cause we hangout with the same people.it's weird though..
I grew up with my friends[[same neighborhood]]..[elementary years-till now]].and he hung out with them for that long to0!.....
but we didnt know eachother until 2007...[[wierd huh?]]......
and he's the greatest boyfriend I've ever had and the longest relationship I've been in!......
I know what I did was wrong,he's such a nice..I dont even know why I did this to him!....[[I always feel bad everytime I think of it]]......
until now...I still say sorry, and that happened like a week or 2 weeks ago.....
anywais, I really do appreciate you giving me advice......
and I do have experience with relationships......but never once dated a guy tht was so in love with me,so I dont know how it goes??

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whitetiger22

replied on January 21st, 2008

Experienced User

An ex boyfriend told me a way to quit smoking cause when i was with my ex hubby i picked up smoking. Well last month i tried what he said helped a friend and that friend gave him 100 dollars for helping him quite.

This is what helped me. Take a hair off of a horse's tail, but it in the cigg. and tel him to smoke it, if done right he will smoke it a few times and put it out and then he will try and smoke another one and not even smoke it but once and he should thew it out. If done right he wouldnt what another cigg.
Try it. I did it now when i even smell the smoke i dont crave for it.

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crazyinluvwitchu

replied on January 21st, 2008

Experienced User

WHOA....I've never heard of that before.....
but I'll give it a try......
THANX.....

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whitetiger22

replied on January 21st, 2008

Experienced User

I know it sounds nasty. Something about the hair makes you quit. Hey let me know if it helps. I want to know of someone else that tried it and it worked. Oh and that guy is in his 80's and been smoking since he was 18

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lele25

replied on January 21st, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

My husband used to smoke so I made a deal with him to get him to quit. He really wanted a new boat and I told him that if he would stay smoke free for the better part of a year then I would allow him to buy the boat he wanted. Well, the last cigg he had was on our honeymoon in Hawaii, almost 1 year ago, so I told him last week to go ahead and order his boat. We wrote out a contract saying that the boat would be sold ASAP if he started smoking again! Of course by now he is much happier and feels healthier for quitting. So Crazyinluv, maybe y'all could work out some kind of deal....have him put all the money he would spend on ciggs in a jar and then after a few months he'll have enough money to buy something for himself. Or promise to do something special for him if he remains smoke free for a certain amount of time. Just understand that he's not perfect and he might slip up....no I'm not gonna make hubby sell the boat if he slips and has one ciggy..he's human just like the rest of us. Also be sure to give him plenty of support because quitting is not an easy thing....I endured some pretty bad mood swings from my husband, so you need to be prepared to lend a shoulder and be very understanding.

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crazyinluvwitchu

replied on January 21st, 2008

Experienced User

lele25 wrote:

My husband used to smoke so I made a deal with him to get him to quit. He really wanted a new boat and I told him that if he would stay smoke free for the better part of a year then I would allow him to buy the boat he wanted. Well, the last cigg he had was on our honeymoon in Hawaii, almost 1 year ago, so I told him last week to go ahead and order his boat. We wrote out a contract saying that the boat would be sold ASAP if he started smoking again! Of course by now he is much happier and feels healthier for quitting. So Crazyinluv, maybe y'all could work out some kind of deal....have him put all the money he would spend on ciggs in a jar and then after a few months he'll have enough money to buy something for himself. Or promise to do something special for him if he remains smoke free for a certain amount of time. Just understand that he's not perfect and he might slip up....no I'm not gonna make hubby sell the boat if he slips and has one ciggy..he's human just like the rest of us. Also be sure to give him plenty of support because quitting is not an easy thing....I endured some pretty bad mood swings from my husband, so you need to be prepared to lend a shoulder and be very understanding.

I'll give it a try...but I dont wanna be forcing him.....
and how am I gonna do this...
we're going through a long distance relationship right now......
and of course I wanna support him in every way...
but I dont know how to show it..cause we're both far away from eachother.....

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lele25

replied on January 21st, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

You can't force him...He has to WANT to quit himself. Unless he truly wants to make that step to quit, he won't be successful. Only he will know when he's ready. My husband said that he had wanted to quit for a while but that his deffinate moment of wanting to quit was during our wedding ceremony. He said that as we were saying our vows he was thinking how much he loved me and how he wanted to spend a VERY LONG and happy life together. He knew that smoking would cut the years we have together and he did not want that. So as I mentioned above, he had his last cigg on the last day of our honeymoon. Now I am in no way saying that y'all will have to get married in order for him to quit, what I am saying is that the decision must be all his. If he quits it can't be because you told him so, it must be because he wants to make a change and live a healthier life. As far as supporting him goes...I dunno it maybe difficult being far away....but just make sure that he knows he can talk to you about his cravings and that its ok to tell you if he slips up. He might look into smokers support groups in his area or try the patch or the gum. Seriously though...you need to be sure that HE wants to quit.

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crazyinluvwitchu

replied on January 21st, 2008

Experienced User

lele25 wrote:

You can't force him...He has to WANT to quit himself. Unless he truly wants to make that step to quit, he won't be successful. Only he will know when he's ready. My husband said that he had wanted to quit for a while but that his deffinate moment of wanting to quit was during our wedding ceremony. He said that as we were saying our vows he was thinking how much he loved me and how he wanted to spend a VERY LONG and happy life together. He knew that smoking would cut the years we have together and he did not want that. So as I mentioned above, he had his last cigg on the last day of our honeymoon. Now I am in no way saying that y'all will have to get married in order for him to quit, what I am saying is that the decision must be all his. If he quits it can't be because you told him so, it must be because he wants to make a change and live a healthier life. As far as supporting him goes...I dunno it maybe difficult being far away....but just make sure that he knows he can talk to you about his cravings and that its ok to tell you if he slips up. He might look into smokers support groups in his area or try the patch or the gum. Seriously though...you need to be sure that HE wants to quit.

yeah..he says that he wants to quit..but it's hard!!!!!
he hangs out with people who smokes....
well I wanna tell him to stop...but I feel that Im forcing him..and I dont wanna be that reason he quit!.....

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