...How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside." .....

I give up, I can’t eat like a normal person, I just can’t do it. Every damn time I try, this voice in my head sends me straight into the bathroom leaning over a toilet and I find myself lying there crying my eyes out afterward. Today at work this new girl that just started today, she is my trainee, walked in on me sitting there crying. I never would have thought I would start purging, all I ever used to do was restrict but lately the more I try to become “normal” the heavier I feel and the more I want to cry and the faster I run to the bathroom to get “rid” of it. I know I must sound so pathetic to all of you, but I would be much better off restricting and feeling happy with myself then eating and feeling like this. I am sorry I just needed to vent, this post really requires not response, I just can’t tell my family or mike, they would be so disappointed in me but I needed to get it off my chest.

Megan