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Struggling With Weight Obsession.

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Guys, i'm really having a time with this fat thing. I am 5'3", and 129 pounds. Everyone keeps telling me I look fine, but whenever I look in the mirror I just wish I was someone else. I'm down to only eating about 400 calories a day, and i'm so tired. I'm having an extremely hard time dealing with the fact that i'm bigger than I used to be. I can't stand it. I hate myself now. I struggled with anorexia when I was in middle school and part of my freshman year when I was in high school. I think I might actually be having a relapse. Even when i'm hungry, I don't eat but a few bites...I can't. Two reason why I can't....I feel guilty and I just feel sick when I eat. Some of my friends call me stupid and think i'm crazy and some even tell me "ur gonna die", but it's something that I can't really control. I am so obsessed about my weight that I weigh myself 3 times a day and try on my pre-pregnancy pants every night before I go to bed to see if i've gotten any smaller so that I can fit into them. I have a journal that I write down how many calories I eat each day and how many fat calories I eat each day. Then I figure out how long I will have to work out to burn off as many calories as I ate...Plus some. Please don't judge me, I just want to talk about it with someone. I know kari has struggled with this in the past, but I don't know of anyone else on here yet that has. If anyone would like to reply, i'd appreciate it.


blu
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replied April 26th, 2004
Experienced User
Girl you look so good. Alot of girls would kill to be your size. Im 5"1 and I weigh 135 lbs and I look good

p.S. Guys dont wont a stick! They like a little meat to grab on. You are so pretty! Please dont let that get you down
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replied April 26th, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
I know, but i'm not good enough for myself. I want to weigh 115 again at least. I'd like to weigh 110, but I feel like that is impossible. I'll be happy once I reach my old weight of 115. I was eating 600 calories a day and got down to 129 from like 140 something, but now that i'm at 129, it's like i've hit a brick wall and i'm stuck. I haven't lost anymore weight. I even knocked down my calories from 600 to 400 and nothing is happening yet.


Blu
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replied April 26th, 2004
Experienced User
Try walking and drinking alot of water. You will lose it but dont try to lose it so fast its unhealthy.
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replied April 26th, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
I've heard that drinking ice water will burn calories and eating certain "negative calorie foods" will make you lose weight fast. I drink a lot of water, but we don't always have ice in the freezer. We're probably like the only people that don't have ice in their fridge. Haha.


Blu
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replied April 26th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Omg you look so good. I would die to have ur body. I am 4"11 and like 165.I have a promblem when I eat its junk food. And I barley eat this is what I had today.
~a wrap from subway, ice tea
~steak, veggies
~strawberries
~1 pop gingerale
thats all I have had today I have the weridest body shape ever! I hate it. I have big boobs a big tummy small thighs and a$$. All I want is a flat tummy. I try to lose weight but I always fall off of it. My looks at the moment is making me want to kill myself. I hate how I look I am crying right now cuz it hurts me so much when people look at me werid and call ma fat and sh*t I hate it. I think the reason why I don't have a boyfriend is my body. I never ever take my shirt off when I have sex. I hate it!I wish I could be 115 lbs I was that in grade 8. When I started getting despsestion(sp?) thats when I started gaining weight. Food was my friend made me feel better.

Alison xoxo
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replied April 26th, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
Alison, you're like me. I don't eat much at all. When I do eat, I try to eat natural foods though...Like fruit or veggies. I eat cereal with fat free milk sometimes too. With my depression it's opposite, because it makes me want to starve myself instead of eat. Have you ever had an eating disorder? Or do you have one currently?


Blu
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replied April 26th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
I try to eat good foods too like veggies and fruit. But they don't feel me up really. I dont think I have an e/d I dont eat alot but when I do eat I bunge(sp?) I cant stop it! I hate it so much! I try and not eat but its hard. I go all day without food till I get home than I eat. I also smoke weed and it makes me get the munchies sometimes so thats bad. Tommrrow I am going to try and be good. Not smoke weed and try and eat healthy and exersize(sp?) well I better jet to bed its 10:30 pm here and I got school tomrrow I have a test!! I havent had a test in almost 2 years! Shocked do you have msn or yahoo?

alison xoxo
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replied April 26th, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
You guys sound just like me when I was 15-16. I am 5'1 and I weighed 140lbs going into high school. I felt awful all the time and did what I could to lose weight and starved and dieted to 105 by the time I was a senior. It never made me happy even when I was thin, because I had messed up my insides so badly I was moodier than usual and had issues about eating whenever I went out with friends. I realized I changed the scenery and not the situation. When I got to college I ballooned up to 125 and felt terrible at first but I realized I was the only one who noticed the change and no one else did. Not even my bf (now my ex, that !**@!) at the time. I didnt even notice when I lost the weight. I'm down to my old weight of 105 and feel terrible cause of the way I keep doing it. Dont make that same mistake you two, do it right, exercise about 2-3 times a week, drink lots of water, limit or cut out your soda, watch calories and fat, and since you both are petite, remember that healthy weight for us small ladies is up to 125lbs. And guys do like a little something to grab on to. Dont let this f**ked up skinny loving society tell you what you should look like, you cannot be airbrushed like them! And thank god for that! Natural is better all the way!!

Stay in there girls,

love
meg
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replied April 26th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Omg please dont do this to yourself!!! As u know, ive definitly delt with thi, still am. . U dont wanna end up in the hospital..You have a son to care about and u have to put him ahead of your weight.. U cant do that if ur too sick to take care of him (and that will happen if u continue) I know you feel stuck.. But seriously u look terrific and im not just saying that. If u are struggling with anorexia and in a relapse, even if u looked like a stick supermodel then u wont be able to see it. Eating 400 cals a day isnt the way to do it .. At all.. Its acttually the oposite of what u should do. I used to do the same things, write it down, everybite, never go over 500 cals a day.. Praise myself for eating even less then that etc etc.. But im telling u, if u wanna be able to lose weight and be healthy, now or later, eating like this will only slow your metabolism. I ate like this for a long long time till I ended up in the hospital.. Then after wards when I finally decided to change.. .It was sooo hard! I gained so easily.. It really does screw up ur metabolism so u have to stop now or im telling u it will get worse. Im seriously worried for u.. U have a son to take care of. .I cant imagine taking care of a baby when I was at that point in my life....Please.. Try to eat healthy and beat that voice in your head.. U will end up much better in the end..Dont strive for something u probably wont even be able to acknowlege in the end. It does take over ur head.. During the summer at my lower point I was 101 lbs and 5'8...I thought I was fat!! Its ridiculous.. Now I see those pictures and im just like 'omg I am all bones.. I dont even look good'' . . And I didnt.. Please try to follow a healthy eating plan so u can look thin (which u already do!!!) and healthy! The longer u let this voice be in ur head and beat out your own true self concious.. It will be so hard trying to make it go away..Iit took me months and months to stop what I was doing, and I still have to try my hardest even today..Also, as it progresses.. Bulimia could start too (which I had the worst time with) .. And god. .What that does to ur body, looks and metabolism is just horid... The earlier u stop the better. If u look online theres tons of information on eating the healthy way and still losing weight.. Or maintaining wweight.. And its defintily not starving. If u eat 1,500-1,800 depending on ur bmr.. U can lose, and this weight is more permanate weight loss because its healthy., u just have to eeatt the right foods......Pls look into it!
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replied April 27th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Trust me ive been there. .But u gotta beat that voice.. If u keep it up u wont be able to eat anytihng without gaining. If u stop now.. U will be able to still eat and maintain and lose.. U just gotta beat the voice and force urself no matter what. .
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replied April 28th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
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replied May 1st, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
Omg, yesterday I ate 305 calories and I worked out for a few hours and burned 906.9 calories. When I was done, I felt really tired, but that was about it. I took a shower and layed down and went to sleep. Sometime during the am hours, I woke up and could barely breathe and I could feel my heart beating in my chest. So, I figured I needed to eat something. I ate a bowl of cheerios and a little while later I started to feel better enough that I could go back to sleep. It was the weirdest thing. I took a break from working out for a day, but i'm going to start my routine again either tonight or tomorrow morning. I'm wondering where my parents are. I woke up this morning and they were gone and they took ethan with them too. Maybe they went shopping. Well, I just woke up about 20 minutes ago, so i'm gonna get off here and get something for breakfast.


Blu
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replied May 1st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
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replied May 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Xxxxx
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replied May 1st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Listen up chick, before I had sean I was a bigger girl as a younger girl. I moved to florida and dropped down to 120... And I was 5'1. I got pregnant and everything changed. I am not 150 and I am 5'2. That is not good. But when you have this baby and you look in his or her eyes, that wont matter, because some people would kill to have him or her and you have them. You made it. You are going to be fine. And I am not saying dont strive to get it back, but dont stress yourself. I am starting to watch what I eat again. And it is hurting me, it has been a year. But I am not, not going to enjoy a cookie or something... I hope this helps..

Stacie
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