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Q: pregnant bad situation

asked by: cmander159 on January 17th, 2008

New User

Ok, so maybe I'm out of line, a guy posting in the woman only section, but I'm looking for a womans perspective here... maybe there's a better spot for it, if a moderator would help me out, I'm still a bit new here ^_^

Until then, I guess bear with me, I'm sorry!

Ok, so on with the story. My... lady of interest, is going through some rough baggage right now, and I'm doing my best to help her out. Her ex ended up forcing himself on her, but she also didn't say no, so she's feeling really trapped, because the experience has pretty severely traumatized her from what I can tell. It's effectively rape, but I know the guy, and she does too, he probably wouldn't have if she'd have said no, so she doesn't want to press charges or anything, but she still really didn't want to and just caved rather than standing up for herself... (which is why the relationship ended up falling apart, she did start standing up for herself, /cheer).

Anyway, so I've suggested talking to a therapist about it, she only relies and confides to me so far, but she really wants to keep it from her parents. The problem is, she's still 17, and she might be pregnant from the situation... that'll completely suck, because she's already set on getting an abortion, but she knows she'll have to let her parents know then, and she doesn't want them forcing the issue of pressing charges, or them trying to decide whats best for her (as in to get an abortion or make her go through with the pregnancy).

Edit: I don't even really know if pressing charges would be a possibility, it was traumatizing and she didn't want it, but she also didn't resist it, it'd be helpful if anyone had any idea what would be made of the situation...

She won't know until around the 25th if she's missed her period, it's borderline close enough for her to take a pregnancy test from what I've read, probably better to wait a few days yet... but I could use some advice in that area too...

She's been randomly getting a bit nauseated(sp?) and throwing up once and then feeling better, usually at night... I know that similar things can be signs of pregnancy, but I thought that was more in the morning, and can it happen within the first month? It's only happened twice to my knowledge, once a week for two weeks... Not sure if that's a bad sign or not : /. It could just be the extreme emotional stress she's been going through too... (Her ex won't leave her alone and keeps contacting her / forcing his company on her when she wants space from him... Sigh. At the very least I want to just be open and talk to him about it, explain that she needs space and such, the other half of me wants to kick his ass -_-)

Beyond that, we're not really officially going out, but she definitely shows interest in me, she just can't committ to a relationship until she recovers from her last, which I'm totally fine with, I'm just supporting her as a friend right now, but I am thinking ahead to the future, and I just wanted to know from a womans perspective; should I tell her about my past sexual partners and everything? I won't be saying anything on it until I know this other stuff is behind her, but I just am unsure if I should bring it up at some point during the relationship, or just wait for her to ask about it, or what...

I'm totally a believer in honesty being the best policy, and I want to be entirely open with her, but I also don't want to scare her off...

Heh, I feel like I should write a summary -_-

Sorry again if this is in the wrong place, as well as for the giant wall of text >.<

Replies(5)

Jude-Love

replied on January 17th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

Tell her to wait until the day of her period and if she misses it, then take a test. Testing too early is the main reason why women get false negatives.

It doesn't sound like rape, per say, but I can see what you mean about the situation. She was pressured to do something and now she feels terrible about it. Therapy is the best option. Pressing charges is not a good idea because it will come out in court that she did not resist him and she will have to deal with lots of mud-slinging from him, his family, and friends. They'll crucify her, they always do. She just needs to get some counseling and do the best she can to move on with her life. However, if he continues to bother her, she's every right to get a restraining order against him.

As far as her parents go, when does she turn 18? I don't know how one would go about it, but in some states minors cross the state line with an adult guardian of some sort and get the abortion.

PixieKat

replied on January 17th, 2008

Experienced User

I was almost in the same situation as your girl, except we were dating and i did say no a couple times. Its a really hard thing to go through, it took me a while to trust my current bf. And it constinly haunts me. For the first little while i flinched every time my guy touched me, hopefully she's not like that. If she does end up going to theraphy for it, you should let me know how it goes, i dont dare to go to a theraphist lol

Also if its with in i beleave 70 hours she could take the plan b, but it sounds like its been longer than that. If she is pregnant and wants an abortion, i to have heard she could go to another state and get one, but i dont know if thats true or not. If not the only other thing she could do unless she is turning 18 soon is to tell her parents. mine happend last jan, so its been a while, but the only person i tould was my bf, and this web site Razz

I dont think ill ever tell my par. if i was in the same situation as her i would though. Just give her alot of suport.

Good luck to you both

Mabel

replied on January 17th, 2008

Supporter

How would he know this wasn't wanted if she didn't say "NO"? What did she say? How did she try to get her point across that she did NOT WANT sex if she did not say NO?

It is too early for pregnancy symptoms. She should test when/if she is late for her period.

young Girl

replied on January 17th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

sorry
no men alowed topost in womens chat Very Happy

i moved it for you

cmander159

replied on January 17th, 2008

New User

Thanks everyone Smile

She doesn't turn 18 until August, so she'd be far too along in her pregnancy to wait if that's how it turns out... But, what you're saying is either me or her brother or someone could go with her to another state to get an abortion? Or does it have to be an official legal guardian, because wouldn't only her parents count in that situation?

And Ingi, it's something they had talked about, he knew she wanted to wait... after they broke up, it's one of the things he apologized about... and she doesn't want to press charges at all, she knows it's her fault for not resisting when the moment came... she's just worried that if she ends up having to tell her parents, they'll want to do something about it.

Pixiekat, <3, she's gets a little shaky sometimes, but she has a lot of faith in me, we've been pretty good friends for years. She said no to therapy right away when I brought it up (I think more because again she'd have to go through her parents more than actually disliking the idea of it...)

Jude-love, such a long wait, it's agonizing... I'll just have to do my best to keep her mind occupied until then.

Thanks everyone... It's so frustrating, I wish I could do more to protect her from the pain of it all -_-

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