hi, im 19, and lately its been very well, i dont want to live anymore. i dont understand why, i have too many things going on, my parents are deceased, and i really have no one to go to, my family is/are not supportive, i sometimes just dont know what to do, i work, i go to college, and i cant seem to pay my bills, i sometimes wonder where i would live, if i couldnt pay my bills. my friends i no longer even see anymore, because all i ever do now, is stay in my apartment by myself all the time. everytime i go over to my sisters house, she is always telling me about how bad of a job i am doing, and how i dont care about anything. i am trying very hard, and it seems like i can never please anyone, i am always broke, i try to save money, but i am already behind on bills, as i live on my own. i just dont know what to do, my oldest sister, said she would help me buy a new car, if i can save some money. i am really stressed and depressed, i need a new car badly, the one i am driving is not safe at all, i even try to tell her that i dont know how i am going to be able to save money. so i go over to my younger sisters house today, and he starts yelling at me about how i am not trying hard enough to save money, i keep telling her i am trying my best to save money but it is very hard to, she seems to not know anything about me, she is a home mom, who has never worked in her life before, sometimes i just feel like she needs more help then i do
i just dont know what to do, i have thought about how things would be like if i wasnt alive, i dont think i would do something like that, but its the thoughts that keeps haunting my mind. i know living on my own since i was 18 can be very hard, i have been on my own for almost 2 years now. i have to learn things the hard way, because i dont have parents to tell me things like, for instance that my car needs a inspection each year. after getting a ticket, i learn. i hate my life, why cant it just be normal, i grew up with no parents, i move every other few months, i never had steady friends, i didnt have a normal life. i feel like i have missed out soo much on life. i am trying so hard, and it seems like im am heading no where, its almost pointless for me to keep trying, atleast that is how it feels. i dont think i can keep living like this much longer