Get support from someone outside the situation, a doctor /councelor you can trust, you are allowed to goto more than one till you feel secure. Online councilling is confidential. Do research, know your enemy. I do feel for you, please know you are not alone. Many have walked this path and healing does come, it does take time. .like all seasons this one will pass too. one day this battle will become a strength in your life

i have PTSD too from abuse from first bf. didn't know until it got to critical point - fear of being murdered, flashbacks, losing blocks of time, ect. with therapy i learned my triggers and how to recognize them and control them. 8 yrs later, occasional mild flashbacks and no fear of being attacked, stalked, murdered

it takes work but you are worth the effort

PM me anytime.
xoxo

Me too! Still dealing with it. Number one, I just wanted to say:
~ I am SO SORRY that that happened to you! ~

I'm not sure if anyone has ever apologized to you but I want you to at least see it in writing and know that it comes from the heart and to understand that it's sincere. You're going to be fine if you want to be - which means the only thing you have to do is keep on going in a positive direction.

It's ok to feel bad and down but be careful who you hang out with especially if you feel comfortable around other friends or associates that begin to disrespect you or put you down.

It's better to be alone and go to the library and read something healthy than be with others who reflect and mirror negative behavior because it's familiar to you, ok?

There are a ton of resources on the web, as well as meetings that don't cost money in case you don't have insurance. I'm not sure if you're religious but going to church or temple or meditating, etc. is really healthy ~ as long as you're in an environment where people realize and respect the God-part of you.

I'm not sure if you're in school but taking classes in writing, acting, journaling, scrap-booking, etc. these are all good outlets because they allow you to take your pain and channel it in the right direction. Ever take Photoshop? Illustrator? They're fun, cool and tools you'll have for the rest of your life.

If you feel you need to talk to a professional just start Googling your condition with your zip code and see what you come up with.

Good luck and hang in there. In the end as you begin to confront this stuff, it'll transform you into an even more beautiful person than you are today. Expect tears and laughter cuz that's part of it too but in the end you'll shine and maybe shed some of your light onto another person who's going through something similar.

Don't give up. Learn to laugh, go to funny movies because believe it or not your BEST years are ahead of you because you will eventually leave the negativity behind you. Take care! : )

I have PSTD from past abuse when I was a child. I use to get nightmares, and suffered sleep paralysis.

It took some years following the incident but I eventually grew out of the nightmares and sleep paralysis.

I think if you are being abused now, you need to tell someone, get help. Go to a safe house. The police department should have contact info for you.

Live in Los Angeles and have a strict income not permitting co-pays for therapy. Anybody know or can recommend anything out here? Would appreciate any feedback.

What kind of income are you on? I am on disability and have a medical card through public aid. I don't pay anything for office visits. But I have to pay $3.10 for Geodone. I go to Bridgeway but I am in Illinois.

I'm on a very limited income. Co-pays out here on the West coast cost $$. At this point I'm taking an art class at a local college and interrelating with people in an environnent I (basically) trust.

It keeps me distracted and offers distance for me to get more of an arial view of things and reflect. Prayer helps as does reading when I'm not paralyzed. lol

This also happened to me.

My psychiatrist's advice was "get a dog and a gun". I got his point - to help me feel more secure... I did both. I got a Komondor - a sheep guarding dog. He makes me feel MUCH more secure because he sees me as his "flock" but also knows that I am "alpha". He would defend me with his life. My mother, on the other hand, just has a little poodle and he works just as well for her just because he hears things she doesn't and will wake easily at night. She feels more secure because she knows she doesn't have to sit up at night and keep watch because the dog is doing that, and he will wake her if he needs to. As far as the gun thing - yeah I know - that's a really touchy subject. I live in a VERY rural area and there are VERY few people living here who do not keep firearms in their homes... so it is much more mainstream here. I got his point with this suggestion too... understanding that I have the POWER to defend myself and that I do not have to put up with abuse. You know, I'll never use that gun, but I went through a full education and certification class. I practiced alot and I'm a good shot. It gave me CONFIDENCE... and that was the real point anyway, right??? I do not question my ability to take care of myself.

But you don't have to get a firearm to gain that confidence. Check into a WOMEN'S Self Defense class. They used to offer them after-work at my old job and they focus on teaching WOMEN what behaviors come naturally to them but may be putting them in compromising situations (e.g., when you get into your car after leaving a store, don't sit in it while you put your purse down and arrange your purchases, adjust your mirror, and change your radio station, have your keys out and ready before you get to the car, get in, shut the door, lock it, and leave.), what you can do to attract attention to yourself if you ARE assaulted, how to put away a hidden stash of money, important papers, and a change of clothing in case you have to leave an abusive partner at a moment's notice - including an escape plan, physical moves to disarm an attacker, and even some not so attractive things you can do if you are assaulted and unable to disarm your attacker, which just MIGHT make them question whether or not you're really worth it.

I wish you all the best for the future.

I thort i was the only who have ptsd from abuse! xx