Womens Chat Forum - Oral

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Q: Oral - Fair Exchange

asked by: Neek on January 15th, 2008

New User

Hi Ladies

Of course i love oral sex
but my boyfriend just "isnt into it"
he wont even try.. he is like a baby saying it would feel all icky on his tongue and ra ra, im so over the excuses!

anyway.. i still give him oral though, i dont mind it.. but i would really appreciate getting the favour returned.... he has even led me to stray a few times to my ex boyfriend who LOVES to go down on me.. (i guess some guys are really into it and some arent)

it kind of makes me feel like im being used... but with his reassurance that he just isnt into it and ALWAYS makes me reach orgasm by clitoral stimulation with his fingers...(thats when we dont have sex)
We love playing around more...
Sometimes i give him ultimatums, like if you dont go down on me then i wont go down on you.. .and he is all like "why cant u see that its just not my thing.. and so forth"
and he is like well you cant be all angry for the rest of your life because i wont go down on you.... the thing is he never gets off if i dont go down on him!! aghh its not a HUGE issue.. but it would just make things so much easier... especially since i know ALOT of other guys who LOVE it.

I just want to know if any1 else is in this situation?
Or maybe you, as a female get oral, but you dont give to your man?
Help!

Replies(15)

Jude-Love

replied on January 15th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

Stop going down on him. I think he's really just being a very lazy lover and doesn't want to do any giving, just taking.

Georgia59

replied on January 15th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

Has he even tried it??

I'd try this- take a bath together, allow him to make sure you're nice and clean (if that's what he's worried about) and then request it- no excuses! Have him try it a few times (not just the one time) and if he STILL doesn't do it, well then I guess that's up to you.

If he refuses to even try, then refuse to do him.

fiona05

replied on January 17th, 2008

Supporter

it puzzles me... men who don't like doing it. i thought it would be a big part of thier male pride wanting to give their partner sexual gratification and knowing they were able to please them.

when (or if) he ever goes down on you make sure you tell him how good the things he is doing make you feel. be passionate, make some noise! when he sees how much it gets you going it should give him a confidence boost and he'll come to enjoy it more simply because he sees how much you do!

well that's the idea anyway. if it doesnt work and there is no improvement, i suppose you could stop giving him favours - it would be more fair that way. but at the same time it wont be doing your relationship any good... having the attitude that 'if you wont do it for me, then i wont do it for you'. the best way to get him to be more generous and giving is to show him generosity and giving yourself. but maybe you are already doing this and it isnt working............................. well maybe you can just talk to him at more length. not in a jumping-down-his-throat kind of way, but just as a discussion where you share your feelings on the matter and maybe can reach some compromises.

xoxox

replied on January 17th, 2008

New User

I think the bath idea is good. Personally I only let my man go down on me if ive just showered , but that's just my preference, and he always says that its nice to go down on a fresh you-know-what. Its worth a shot. Also just tell him how much this bothers you (with out getting into an arguement) and if he really loves you maybe he'll give it a try Good Luck
Jen

Birch

replied on January 17th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Whatever you do, don't marry him.

LadyAllie

replied on January 17th, 2008

Experienced User

its kind of the opposite for me. my bf loves going down on me. i was the one who was reluctant at first. he loves the taste and everything. i go down on him, but i wont let him finish in my mouth.
i wouldnt go down on him at first unless we had just taken a shower together, or after he had gotten out of the shower. i still prefer that, but i dont make a huge deal about it anymore. i think try a bath or shower together.
also if he does give you handjobs, see if he'll taste it once off of his fingers. my bf did that before he ever went down on me.

lele25

replied on January 17th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

Birch wrote:

Whatever you do, don't marry him.

Aint that the truth!!! LOL can you imagine spending the rest of your life with a guy who won't return the favor of oral sex? Well, even though I enjoy doing it for my husband, I more than likely would not do it if he did'nt return the favor. Thankfully though my hubby likes doing it for me so life is good for both of us! I agree that he's just being a lazy lover...hun that's gotta stop! Deffinately do the bath thing and see what happens! Good luck!!!

Neek

replied on January 19th, 2008

New User

Thanks for your honest opinion girlies!
Its not the bath thing, we are both very cautious on cleanliness and safety when it comes to the bedroom, i have to give that to him....
He kind of has the attitude, its not my thing, i dont like it, but i get you off from fingering? and he gets off NOT from a handjob but from ORAL... ive lived with it for a bit.... but its starting to bug me...
I mean, i love him dearly... but its getting to the point where if i didnt know how good it felt i could probably live without it........
But i have even gone off and recieved oral from my ex boyfriend, jst to satisfy me that way....
I know im in the wrong too...
But i just wish he would see the light
I dont think the relationship will last, which is a bum.... He isnt the type of person i can see myself with long term.. He is very stuck in the "im going to be a bachelor for the rest of my life" moment.......
Maybe if he grows up and sees that he wont get anything better than me, than he will return the favour (or id like to hope!)
but now im just being silly..
Thanks for opinion...
Just wanted to see if there were any others in the situation

fiona05

replied on January 19th, 2008

Supporter

auch no, i dont think you are in the wrong, i don't think you are being selfish. well, maybe in a way lol... but it is not much to ask, is it? maybe he has a weird matcho thing about it, maybe that's why he wont do it. i dont know. but if there are areas in your relationship like this that are 'out of bounds' then maybe you have to question if he's someone you want to be with long term.

aye, like birch says, would you really want to live the rest of your life never again feeling a man's warm breath on your thighs, his soft gentle lips and talented tongue caressing you.....

lol you get the idea Laughing

Katrinadoodle

replied on January 19th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

You should try and get him to at least try it, but if it's not his thing than it's just not his thing. You wouldn't stand for him trying to force you to do something you're not comfortable with, right? So why is it okay for you to do that to him?

Tylanas

replied on January 19th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

I'd stop giving him oral, fair and square. Personally I'd break up, but I'm picky.

Seriously, I 100% would not give him oral any more. You're right, it should be a fair exchange. If he doesn't want to give it, then he doesn't deserve to get it.

Tylanas

replied on January 19th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

Katrinadoodle wrote:

Yeah, but if I wasn't willing to GIVE oral I certainly wouldn't demand my partner DO it to me!!

Krista87

replied on April 16th, 2009

New User

Hey girls,
I have a similar situation and I was wondering if I get your opinions...

I give my guy head frequently but he has never reciprocated. I finally asked him why and he said he would only do it if I let him finish in my mouth. He says that would only be fair because giving oral to a girl is grosser than giving it to a guy, unless he cums in which case it would be fair.

He's done it for other girls so I know he's not just scared to try it. I've done it so many times for him that I just don't think it's fair that I have to let him finish in my mouth in order for him to ever do it. He should want to please me, right?

He even said that it's okay if I never want to do it anymore because of that, but I feel like stopping isn't going to make our sex life any better. Why won't he just be a man and reciprocate? How can I change his mind?

robotvacuum

replied on April 16th, 2009

New User

I had the same problem, sort of. I used to give my boyfriend a lot of head, and he would only go down on me sometimes. I got a little fed up with it so I confronted him and he said he just didn't like it that much, so I told him that that was unfortunate, because I enjoy it a lot and I let him know that I thought it was very unfair because I give him orgasms everytime, AND I let him finish in my mouth, and we've been together almost ten months and he has yet to give me even one orgasm.

So I told him I would stop giving him his precious blow jobs that he loves so much if things didn't even out. Which seemed to work because the next night, after a few minutes of making out, he took my pants off and ate me out for fifteen minutes, then we snuggled, then he ate me out again.

On another note, if he hasn't even TRIED it and flat out won't do it at all, then your boy has no right to demand it from you and you are under no obligation to do it to him. If I were in your situation, and my boy didn't keep up with things then I would have a lot of trouble not doing it, because I know how much he loves it, and I'm all about the other person and I would want my baby to be satisfied and not keep something from him that he loves so much. I hope things work out for you.

Jinjer

replied on April 17th, 2009

Experienced User

OP is cheating on her boyfriend and she is whining because she feels her boyfriend is being selfish??? PULEEZ... oral sex is the least of her problems.

Got to agree with another poster here... if it was something you as a woman just wasn't into would it be ok for him to be so bi*&^% about it? Probably not. Partners should want to please each other but they should also respect each others boundaries. If you just cant live with the fact that your spouse or SO just isn't that into giving oral then move on. Forcing your partner to give you oral sex will just eventually cause resentment and when that happens you will be back on the boards crying because he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. It's not that he doesn't want you he just doesn't want to disappoint you and your demands or ultimatums so its easier for him to avoid the situation.

Just because you give him oral (your choice to do so) does not mean he has to reciprocate. If that's what you expect you better be very clear on that before you get to the point of seeking it elsewhere because you want it so bad. If its that important to you, make sure he knows but cutting him off just causes more trouble.

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