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Lewis_Spurs

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 30 Jun 2007
Posts: 10
Location: Aldershot, England

developing eating disorder ? Posted: 01-14-08 15:42pm


We've been together for a long time now, and over the time she has been on and off focused and unhappy with her body and weight. She has recently been saying that I think she's too fat and keeps saying 'i'm too fat for you though aren't I?!?' and i reassure her that I am not bothered by her body and love her the way she is. However, today she told me that when she was eating lunch she had a thought about something (she doesn't want to tell me what it is at the moment) and it put her right off eating it. She then told me that after dinner, her family had served some dessert, and it was one of her favourites. As she began to eat some of it, she thought the same thought as she had done at lunch and decided she didn't want any more. Later this evening, I was on the phone to her and she said she was going to go for a shower... and make her self through up. I'm not sure if she was joking or not and it has began to make me worry that she is going to develop an eating disorder. Does this sound like it could develop? and how can i help it not get any worse? Any help is much appreciated, thanks

keys101

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 21 Sep 2007
Posts: 87
Location: , USA

Reply Posted: 01-14-08 15:50pm


Is it completely out of the question to ask her about what that "thing" she thought was? Without seeming like you're prying? Maybe if you approach her without accusation but with sympathy and concern she will let her guard down and tell you exactly what she's got going on.

Lewis_Spurs

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 30 Jun 2007
Posts: 10
Location: Aldershot, England

Posted: 01-14-08 16:57pm


when she told me that she had this thought, she said she wouldnt tell me... then speaking to her later on the phone, she said that she'd tell me then hang up straight away so i couldnt ask about it or anything. But in the end, she changed her mind.

danielv

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 03 Jul 2003
Posts: 77
Location: South East, Macedonia

Posted: 01-14-08 17:20pm


Hey Lewis, Sorry to hear that man. You sound like a you've got a good heart and I sincerely respect your concern for her. Remember that alot of girls (especially young and thoroughly commercially brain washed ones) are completely crazy. Any attempt to figure them out or salvage a broken self esteem is not only futile but dangerous for your own well being. If you feel that she is exhibiting unhealthy behaviour, then don't be afraid to confront her about it. Set your boundaries, and if you feel that she is not responding in a healthy adult manner, then move on. It will send a much stronger signal for her that her modus operandi is not working than any "baby, don't worry i love you, the way you are" sweet talk will ever help. Whenever we say that sort of stuff it goes in one ear and comes out the other. It only feeds her false ego and contributes to the complex. Don't reward her negative behaviour with caring attention, you will strengthen it. Set your boundaries, and if they are violated run for your life man. I've been through the same thing hundreds of times. There are healthy girls out there, and you don't have to play doctor for the rest of your life. Sometimes a good break up will actually help her to see the ridiculousness of her actions. Good luck man.

keys101

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 21 Sep 2007
Posts: 87
Location: , USA

Posted: 01-15-08 12:36pm


Wow, Daniel.... I feel like I should put on my girl claws on principle, but you're right. I don't think he should leave RIGHT away, only after he's tried sincerity and she doesn't respond positively, then leave. But hey maybe if she cuts it out- it DOES sound like she's being immature- and realizes that the relationship is more important than her little melodrama then it can work out after all. (Sorry for the harshness.)

Lewis_Spurs

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 30 Jun 2007
Posts: 10
Location: Aldershot, England

Posted: 01-15-08 15:32pm


That might be a good approach actually. At the moment, she seems to be back to her normal self and she told me that she was only joking about the throwing up thing... i know that can be hard to believe, but i know when she is telling the truth. We're going out for dinner on Friday, that might be a good chance to observe how she acts about eating. I know she is keen on getting appertite supressant tablets, but i don't know how good they are. She had lost weight on them before but when she didnt have the money to get more, she put the weight back on. Can anyone tell me anything about how good they are? I have found a few that are in a health shop (sells all sorts of supplements from Cod Liver Oil to Creatine) and they seem to be okay... but a little more information, if it can be provided, would be nice

wavyhaired

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 25 Jan 2008
Posts: 40

Posted: 01-25-08 15:23pm


You sound like a really supportive and great boyfriend! She's lucky to have you.

rabbitgreen

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 11
Location: , Malaysia

Posted: 01-26-08 01:07am


Hello Lewis, Any kind of synthetic suppressants do not contribute to health. You need to read labels and watch what you buy. Is she eating healthily - balanced meals? Go see a nutritionist and a good probiotic (friendly bacteria) will help the digestive system. it occurs to me that she using yr caring nature too well and sucking yr energy. Like Daniel said, set boundaries. Exercise your choice and make it powerfully w/o blaming anyone especialy yourself.

28shazza

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 29 Jan 2008
Posts: 6

daniel? Posted: 02-01-08 08:45am


Have you ever had an eating disorder? no? well how dare you tell him to leave his gf? he loves her! i suffer from anorexia and it has caused many probs with my parter-but he loves me and supports me-a real man sticks around when times are tough-not run like a coward!

28shazza

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 29 Jan 2008
Posts: 6

daniel? Posted: 02-01-08 08:46am


Have you ever had an eating disorder? no? well how dare you tell him to leave his gf? he loves her! i suffer from anorexia and it has caused many probs with my parter-but he loves me and supports me-a real man sticks around when times are tough-not run like a coward!

bibisim

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 76

RUN AWAY MAN??? Posted: 03-20-08 08:50am


////[quote="danielv"]Hey Lewis, I've been through the same thing hundreds of times. There are healthy girls out there, and you don't have to play doctor for the rest of your life. Sometimes a good break up will actually help her to see the ridiculousness of her actions.//// Ok, Daniel, it is so obvious that u have been in such situations hundreds of times, i bet you go for another hundred! you problem is : YOU ARE NOT A RELIABLE MAN, GIRLS HAVE A NOSE FOR THAT AND RUN AWAY! AM I RIGHT?