Goes back to the point of sometimes people get married way too young. Then pressure from the parents to get married. Like my priest said, without love there is no marriage.

I agree with Eiri and Birch, these are things to consider before jumping into a relationship that not only involves the two but bringing children onto the earth. Just a lot of ME, ME, ME. And, then the easy walking away part.

The excuse that "but, I just want to be happy" is so shallow and rings with maybe I need a banana split and that will make it happen for me. We are talking about a person as Eiri so wisely pointed out with the ability to work through problems.

If you have a person not willing to walk that extra mile or make the effort to stick around after being with a wife for 13 years, having a four year old child and now a son to be born in one more month.

Nothing you can say. They have their own lives.

But, to get back to Eiri's post, I believe that if you actually sit down and have the serious discussion of what are your hopes, desires, expectations, dedications to building a lasting relationship and you and your family come to the conclusion that this could/would be a good match, what have you lost by coming to the table?

Life is not just a throw away. Marriage can be wonderful. I know.

Thanks guys for your input. This has been the best post ever in my opinion.

"But, to get back to Eiri's post, I believe that if you actually sit down and have the serious discussion of what are your hopes, desires, expectations, dedications to building a lasting relationship and you and your family come to the conclusion that this could/would be a good match, what have you lost by coming to the table?"

That's how I feel about it too. Sometimes too, if you go into a situation thinking "this is how it is supposed to be," you will be more willing to work for it and not just toss it to the side.

Well, I'll be dog-ganed! Roberta, Eiri, and I all agree on something.

I'll send Satan the electric blanket now.

You are so funny Birch. Think he is warm enough as we speak. Always was told it would be a cold day down there.

Haha XD. Yeah, this truly is an evil triumverate!

I'm thinking I should have name the topic "Arranged Marriage: More Romantic than American Marriage"!

I'm sure it won't last too long...

Such an evil isotope is naturally unstable XD

Sorry I got back in to this conversation late...

but what is love?

We don't love only the people we choose. In fact, most of the people we truly love, we didn't chose, and might not choose if we had the choice. Your parents, brothers and sisters.... You don't love them because you found them and decided they were worthy of love, you love them because they're family and that's what you do.

I feel weird saying this being happily married at a young age.... lol, don't tell my hubby

Right, good point there. Love is something that just happens, or happens because... it just does - like family. It can be cultivated, but not created. It can be lost, but there are some cases where you will love someone no matter what happens.

One last note- I have a friend who lived in Nepal for a while. She said that the girls there do find arranged marriage very romantic, kind've like leaving it up to fate to some perfect man chosen for them to sweep them away.

So, Eiri, you'd fit right in

I have always heard this..but then when you decide to get married you are settling with somebody you have choosen. I guess what people means is that they rather be single than decide to settle for somebody they don't really like. Maybe I need clarification on what "settle" means.

My best friend is indian and her mom had arranged marriage. She met her husband the actual day of the wedding when she was only 15 years old. They have had a long and happy marriage of more than 50 years and they deeply love each other. Isn't that something? In america people even live together before marriage and they still divorce.

For sucess in marriage there has to be love. And this love is not about butterflies in the stomach but more than..compromising, being with you when times are difficult and so on like others have mentioned...

You've got it: "I guess what people means is that they rather be single than decide to settle for somebody they don't really like."

Some people I know are like, "Well, I'll never get anyone better" or "I'm (insert age here) I suppose it's time". And while those choices are perfectly legitimate for others, for me, nope, no way. Your life is a long time to spend with someone you just settled for, and to wonder about what could've been.

I have certain things in a man that I like.. And don't like.. Call me shallow. But I do. I'm not real turned on with men that have a lot of hair all over their body down their back, etc.
So if you threw me in with a man that I did not feel comfortable with it would not be a good marriage of fair to him.
So, I would rather be single than paired up with someone that I was not attracted to.

The "wondering what could have been" is exactly why I broke up with my fiancee, among other reasons. I was bored.

There is a saying in PR that says it's better to die crying than dying wondering what could have been...(something like that)

You know I see it worse being alone than being with a man that you might not be too much attracted to but that is a good man for marriage because if the man is good you will love him in the end..

come in time. Maybe sooner, maybe later. It is the two elements that will win your heart over in the long run.

Would I like to have a husband to love me? Of course. And, I did. I used to think that was a one time thing. Now, I believe that it is possible to look for and find love. Just have to look in the right places. No dead-end streets, and, then, of course, you have to look for somebody that you would want to have a conversation with on a daily basis. You can sleep with a person, but then you have to be able to talk to them.

Eiri is right to have broken off with a person who bored her. Better now than later.

Nightangel has in her heart the answer that is in mine. We can't go around worrying about what could be, or the "if onlys". Life is not like that. Life is for us to have the trust that indeed we can and may indeed find somebody who will be there for us, love us, treasure us and in return give us the opportunity to cherish them in return.

I don't really feel like I settled when I got married. I was sure that he was the guy I wanted to be with and I wouldn't be looking for anyone better or just settling because it was time to get married. And 1 1/2 later (I realize that isn't that long but you know) I still feel the same way.

But I definitely know girls who are really just trying to find a guy to marry (which I wasn't) and I wonder how successful their marriage will be.

Eerily that's what kept me with my ex for so long - almost a year longer than I should have. I thought "what I have is so good; we never argue, he's kind, gentle etc, so why risk losing that?" Thank goodness my sense of adventure and dissatisfaction won over.