i dont agree with it---i dont want to be stuck with some bloke that i cant stand for the rest of my life just cause i was betrothed to him at birth or whatever.

O.o Wait, I need a better face. >.O .... If you divorce, that means your marriage FAILED. So a 50% divorce rate means ONLY a 50% marriage success rate... and that is deplorable.


No, it's a direct reflection on the failure of modern american marriages. 50% of those are failing.

If you read several of my other posts, I said that I liked the idea if the man and woman can choose in the end whether or not they want to marriage WHEN applied to real life. Again, this is just one of my fantasies.

If I may expound on Tanya's point, the "level" of "success" is immeasurable, unless you define what "level" and "success" is.

In a related note, marriages can be "failures" even if they do not end in divorce.

Success my opinion is not divorcing and not being abusive. If you loved someone so much to marry them, then you love them enough to work through most problems. It's because people are marrying too rashly in the USA. Marriages are only "failures" because the people marrying each other do it too fast and don't bother trying once the going gets tough. Most people divorce because of children coming into the picture and the strain that causes, and monetary issues; both of which are petty issues in my opinion. Again, if you loved someone enough to have a CHILD with them, you love them enough to raise that child with them. People in the US are LAZY, especially when it comes to the family unit. It disgusts me. I would 100% honestly rather have a strong family unit with a man I was betrothed to since birth and have a strong home for a child, than a weak flimsy house built on "love".

White Oleander was a great book wasn't it?

Who knows a son and daughter better than their parents who love them and want them to be happy.

Arranged marriages bring a man and a woman together not only for their hopefully happy relationship but we marry into the whole family.

I am sure that each family goes through the spiritual, emotional, educational assets of each of their children. Not too different than looking at a stock portfolio. Then, it is up to the kids to decide if they want this match. As these are very traditional families, they have that inside them too.

It is not that far off from when we ask our friends to introduce us to some person that we could like/love. As they say, always have your friends looking out for someone they feel you would be compatible with.

When my son was in graduate school, he would say a lot of men from India had arranged marriages and they worked out to be happy. They even tried to fix him up. At the time, he used to ask me to help him find a suitable woman.

In the end, we wind up with the person we are intended to be with. Who can say that is not the case with arranged marriages?

i did--i just stated my opinion

Yes, but everyone's taking it as the subjugation of women.

Yah and what i was trying to say in my very tired half asleep way is that im glad that we have a choice---I will know when i wake up next to my man that it was my decision an that I chose to be with him--not someone else dictating that i must have this guy as my husband.

Anyone who's married will be able to tell you that marriage is a lot more than love. I'm not arguing for or against arranged marriage as it's a cultural thing that I really have no say in. But I can see how they would work, because many Americans think that if they love someone, they will have a successful marriage. Perhaps someone going into an arranged marriage will be more realistic about compromise, communication, etc.

And, not making small, petty excuses like, "well, after we got married, it was like the lights went off and she gained all this weight. I tried to talk to her about it, that it made me unhappy." This person was always unhappy. Then, "I asked her to dress up sexy for me." Why does a woman have to dress up sexy for a man unless she feels like dressing up sexy? If a woman wants to dress up sexy for a man, she will dress up sexy for a man.

Marriage between people who love each other can just go by so fast, that it seems it is only days, weeks even that you have time to spend together, when it has, in fact been many, many years.

Marriage takes work, just like Georgia says. You can have good times and bad times, but it all comes down to love in the end. Yes, compromise and communication are the strongest words heard on this forum to date.

And, how many families will work as hard to finding that perfect son or daughter for your child. They know you better than anyone and want you to be happy.

I don't see this as anything other than a matchmaker. Been around a long time and it is a valued asset in many cultures.

I think it's interesting that no one has said yet..."why do people have to get married" at all?

^ oo, true say.

Yeah that's true.

I still do believe in marriage and the idea that two people are meant for each other, though. I also believe it's important for children to be close to both their parents, and being in a married nuclear family is the easiest way to do that.

Not that gay couples/nonmarried couples/single parents can't raise healthy children, they certainly can.

I would rather be single than settle for one second.

Why do people get married? To be honest me an my husband married so he could get me as a tax deduction and I could get medical insurance. We were doing just fine without the official paper work.

Of course we are older and my children are grown so there were not those complications.

Wether a couple are married or just committed to each other I think that in the long run respect for each other is more important than love. Besides if you have respect love follows.

It took me four marriages and two significant others to learn this (really a slow learner).

I think a lot of women get married for security.. Money insurance benifiets that come from marriage. But I think that has changed a lot over the past years with women getting good jobs.

I got married because..... he asked, and I knew that we would be together anyway lol.....

I did get a few financial benefits I guess, mostly because my parents' income no longer mattered for my financial aid information (even though I moved out when I was 18 and they hadn't paid a dime for my education, they couldn't)

Just one comment on this; if you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, you have voluntarily decided to become a very large part of someone else's sexual satisfaction (to a reasonable degree), which is a big part of a healthy, intimate relationship. You are obligated to a certain reasonable extent to fullfill their sexual needs.

If you decide to throw this obligation to the wind then the other person may feel rather compelled to find this satisfaction elsewhere.

Yes, and that's something that bothers me. A relationship requires not only cooperation and communication, but yes, sacrifice. It can't always be about you, or the woman, or the man. If you man wants you to dress up sexy one night, then unless there are extenuating circumstances, you should try to do so. If you ask him to help you with the dishes, he should do so. It's give and take. It's gotten so bad now though that partners think it's all about what THEY need, and that somehow THEIR needs are going to make their partner happy.