If everyone had a wonderful, handsome, and charming prince who happened to be their soulmate then obviously it would be great.

But a majority of the time women were not too pleased about their soon to be husband and I don't think there was really an out for them either. I'm fine picking my own guy to match my own preferences rather than being married off for money or some political gain.

I know what you mean and it's a nice thought, but I don't think it works out that way.

It doesn't, but in the modern world I also don't think arranged marriages are done for monetary or financial gain anyway. Arranged marriage was very common in Jewish culture as well.

Jewish culture can have it.

I don't think much of arranged marriages.

Much of them, or about them?

It all depends on the culture, I think. Obviously today, it doesn't fly. In places like India, though, where it is still practiced, it's totally different. Though I agree they're done primarily for financial and social reasons, some of these peopel are genuinely in love. lIt's a very interesting phenomenon.

I personally don't think highly of arranged marriages - if other people want to do it, then they can have at it, but I know I surely would not want my family choosing my life's partner for me. I know India still practices this, and the brides-to-be may still get killed because of insufficient dowry (yes, the dowry does still exist, even though it was allegedly outlawed many years ago).

I've heard that arranged marriages (statistically) are about as successful as chosen marriages.

Well just going off of statistics, I'd be willing to bet that in today's world, arranged marriages where the spouses actually marry are more successful than "love" marriages in the USA.

Humm maybe. but there may be consequences if they don't stay married too. Or some family disrespect thing causes them to stay together even if they are not happy.

I don't think much of it. Meaning I think it's a degrading practice.

I wasn't saying anything about whether I think it's right or not; just that in an idealized, fantasy situation, I find it romantic.

Divorce rates are not indicative of the level of success of marriage. Divorce is just an indicator of societies changed attitude towards marriage, and women. It is also influenced by a societies economical status.

In the past women remained in unhappy marriages because they were seen as male property, not taken seriously by the courts (ei, not given any real protection), they weren't equipt with the education or skills to support themselves and children, etc. Divorce rates are not influenced alone by the "success" of a relationship but also by cultural standards, and economy. Increase in divorce rates show growing faith of women in the judicial system, and the ability to care for themselves, not an increase in failed relationships.

I'm sure people were just as unhappy when their marriages were being arranged and when divorce was not heard of, there just wasn't much that could have been done about it. Success of a marriage is not staying together, but being happy together.

Just pointing out that the low divorce rates in arranged marriages don't translate into them being "successful".

One of the pro's of arranged marriages I would say is the understanding of role expectation pre-matrimony. The bride, groom, and both families both know what their roles will be and what is expected of them, before binding themselves together. This makes conflicts less likely, because there is a set role for everyone involved.

I don't know where I stand on marriage in general (not just arranged), but I know I would definitely want to decide for myself who I'm with.

What an interesting fantasy, Eiri. Have you read, "The Constant Princess"?

I can see how they might even work better-

don't you think you might have lower expectations and be more realistic?

Ha! That's a great point. I bet there is quite a bit of truth in that.

Yes, and maybe it's not so easy to get out of the marriage and they have to work harder, or just be satisfied with what they have, because they knew going into the marriage this was going to be the man they would stay with for life. Not like in America where you can get a divorce just because you’re incompatible.

I would never ever permit an arranged marriage of myself or my girls. The thought of someone trampling over their rights to that extreme is repulsive and dehumanizing.

I would think if one were to participate in this that it would be much better in a country where the culture practices "Brides Price" than in one where the Brides family must come up with a "Dowery".

A brides price is what the grooms family pays the family of the groom for taking a valuble asset away from the brides family. A dowery is what the brides family pays the grooms family for taking on a burden (over simplified I know)

If you are going to be in an arranged marriage make sure the groom and his family view you as a asset and not a burden.

One good thing about an arranged marriage is that the people who arranged it are also responsible for how it turns out. That gives persons other than just the couple an interest in it turning out well.

An arranged marriage were either of the two persons involved have veto rights may not be any worse than the hit and miss of dating to find a mate. Loveis something that often comes more out of effort than at first sight. In an arranged or cntractual marriage where the responsibilities and expectations of the marriage itself are worked out before hand there would be no major surprises and maybe more time to work on loving the other party.

That said if my parents had been able to put me in an arranged marriage I would have ended up with a pentacostal preacher (my mom had one in her sights way back when) and more than likely in prison for slipping oleander in to his ice tea after a few years.