Q: anorexia for years, never satisfied
asked by:
callisto107
on January 11th, 2008
New User
As long as I can remember. Iīm 37 and not over it yet. I have a fair weight now. Iīm a kick boxing blue belt working hard for the green one. Boxing has kept me alive, I eat īcause I have to be strong but every bite is a torture and a sense of guilt that never goes away. People around me think that I m over it but all that I think about is that I have to try never give up or I will die...I feel fat even when u can see my muscles.Its never enough, its never good, never satisfied never feel ok. Every body talks about young girls with anorexia, I m a woman and I just know I will never recover from it, my doctor told me so. He said that u can reach a point of no return. Am I there? I fight every day and the pain is my best friend so that I can feel my body. I donīt like to eat in front of others, I donīt like to watch people feeding. I have gastritis and sometimes it hurts really bad. But I like it so it will keep me from eating even when I m not really hungry. I ve got lots of demons to deal with...but I try not to hurt those that I love and I just keep it to myself. Had breakfast today, I trained for about 3 hours, eat some rice and I think later Iīll have some sushi rolls. Today is friday, sunday is my brotherīs birthday, no cake for me.
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