It's happened every now and then since like 7th grade (my parents got a divorce then,). I'm now 20 and it still happens on occasion. I never told anyone about it until the other night, though. I was sitting with my girlfriend and my mother, eating dinner. I saw the steak knife beside my plate and I just had these terrible thoughts. I could kill them and they wouldn't expect it and stuff like that. It disturbed me so deeply that I had to put the knife away.

I finally told them the next day because it was all I could think about. It scared me so bad. She was really understanding (both of them, thank God) and we talked about seeing a doctor. It might have something to do with with my ADHD she said.

The problem now is, since I confronted the issue, it's like I won't stop having these horrible thoughts. It's not not going away like it used to unless I'm just with some buddies. If I'm by myself or with the people I love, including my gf's cat (which I love), I keep having these terrible thoguhts and visions. I have a very vivid imagination that's really working against me on this. It's tearing me apart. I did a search online and it led me here. I didn't know this was something classified under depression, but I just wanted to get some feedback.

I'm a good guy. I would never do these things. I just want to get back to normal. thaks.