Hi I am 27 and just had a lovely daughter
2 weeks ago. My husband is Turkish, he
came with me from Turkey and we have been
married 1 1/2 yrs. It has been a rocky
marriage with all the cultural
differences, but I have tried to be
patient and understanding with him.
Things were rough but we always found ways
of making things work out till I got
pregnant. At first he was very happy and
supportive, but as the pregnancy wore on
and I became more needy he became more and
more emotionally unavailable until he said
he doesnt love me and will only be with me
for the baby's sake- he doesnt want to get
a divorce but he doesnt want to be my
husband either. He said to wait and see
if he would love me with time, i just have
to be patient and not try to talk to him
about us and how i feel. Well I tried and
now it is hard with a newborn, but still
it seems like i am the only one trying and
he is so wrapped up with himself- he still
cant find a job and although he helps with
the baby he doesnt help with the house,
when i ask him to he says i should do it
because it isnt his house (we live in my
family home for free thanks to my generous
parents)i just cant talk to him about
anything with his behavior without him
getting very angry at me. He just wants
to be left alone but he still wants sex,
everything is when it is convenient for
him, i cant talk to him about how i feel
at all because it stresses him out.
tonight i lost it with him and said if it
isnt his home then he should leave and he
just smiled and pointed to his ring finger
where he doesnt wear his wedding ring
anymore, i was so hurt i said if he wants
a divorce ill give him one, he said he
hates me and a bunch of other things were
said that were very hurtful. I just dont
know what to do, he wont go to counseling,
i have been going by myself- i try to be
kind and patient and not pressure him in
any way but i end up feeling walked on
like he just pretends im not there. i
have been feeling so alone for so long, i
feel like it will hurt so much but in the
end i would be happier without this
constant rejection, but from hope i keep
opening myself up. i know no one can tell
me what i should do but from an objective
perspective does this sound like a
salvageable relationship? Is there
something else I should be doing? Or
should I just suck it up and wait for
awhile before making the decision to split
up? Or should I just move on and try to
remember what its like to be happy? Any
thoughts would be appreciated.
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insomanycolors
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2008 Posts: 4 Location: , US
Welcome Posted: 01-10-08 00:01am
First off, congratulations on your new
baby girl!
I can truly understand your situation. My
husband and I have had similar problems. I
know this is easier for me to say then for
you to do but maybe you should file for a
legal separation before you file for a
divorce. That's what I've done just
recently with my husband. I think it would
allow yourself, and your husband, a needed
break from one another. A time for the
both of you to be separated so that you
each can think about what you truly want
out of your relationship and for your
precious new baby.
It will also give you time to set goals
for your marriage, your baby and YOURSELF.
I let my husband walk all over me for
three years and gave excuses for his
alcoholism and abuse constantly. I allowed
myself to become depressed and learned to
not like myself because my husband's
actions and words. Please consider at
least filing for a separation. You need to
find "yourself" again, find what makes you
happy and ultimately, find what will make
life easier for the both of you. Whether
with or without him you can raise your
daughter to be a wonderful adult. I think
you already know this. I have to say that
even though I don't know you, I have faith
in you that you'll be able to make it
through. I hope I was able to help you.
