Medical Questions > Relationships > Dating Forum

I Want My Ex Back

Relationships
I want my parents to divorce
Wanting to be a supportive wife
Warning signs? help i don't want a repea...
Dating
i like a girl who seems to want nothing ...
I Want to Have Sex
I Want to Be In Love
Related Topics
want to start new birth control... but n...
Unwanted mental thoughts
i want to have a baby :(
User Profile
s_kalb Experienced User
January 7th, 2008
Hi everyone. I'd like to tell a little about my story and if it's possible I could use your advise if you have any Smile

My name is SĂ©bastien and I'm 20 and she (I'll call her Nadia for the story if you don't mind) is now 19. We met at school (the last grade), dated there and then we were together for 18 months. We've been through a lot and we loved each other so much, I can't believe how lucky I am to have felt all of this...

At a point she went to a trip to Paris with school. Things got bad there (nothing about cheating don't worry), she wasn't feeling good, and returning home I thought she wanted to see me. But no, she eventually broke up with me. Because she couldn't feel right anymore ; nothing personal, she just... couldn't be in a relationship anymore. A bit like Fergie's song "Big Girls Don't Cry", that's the situation she had. We ended with both crying. But for her, it was necessary. To me at first it felt like a punishment, it was hard to lead me to reason at this moment. about 3-4 months later I finally managed to let it go. I've dated other girls, but there was no way I could feel really confortable... I felt like no one was as great as my Nadia...

At her side, after a few months things got downward for her: she dated a few guys, apparently not trustworthy, where she kept feeling more and more lost.

I've been pretty distant with her after the breakup, so basically all I knew from her was text messaged or via firends' friends.

It was now about 1 year or almost 2 that I hadn't heard from her, where I finally decided to call her (that's a few weeks ago). A few calls again later, she confessed that I was the last guy she actually loved (i.e. others weren't worth it), but she said this in a disturbingly normal way. I finally dropped by at her house to pass some time, where we didn't do anything "datey". Afterwards we've talked some more and she told me that she's looking for some "me-time" so she can take for herself only. I was tempted to get back with her, but I respected her choice and didn't do anything. Later, I called her a few times but that's it.

About 2 weekd later (tonight) she told me she met one of her ex and she says she's getting crazy about him. I was wondering if she actually knew what she was talking about, seen how she acts an reacts I can't see her actually fall in love right now. I thought maybe she's scared to be alone and ends up telling this to herself to be with someone. I don't know..

What I did feel though is that I was really mad to know that to me she says she wants me-time, while shortly after she wants a guy badly.

I'm afraid she's going the wrong way, and I want to be there for her, like we used to... but damn, I really feel like I'm just the good samaritan while she's looking for bad boys to not be alone. Don't misunderstand please, she's not a slut. However I've seen that she's really confused right now...

She's a pretty troubled girl, I know.
Also, I often feel like I've missed my opportunity :/

I really want her to be happy, I want to take care of her like I used to... I don't know what to do... sometimes I feel like I just want her to be happy, wether it's with or without me... it's just hard for me to see how unhappy and confused she is right now... I love her and I want to protect and help her...

What can I do ? I don't want to drop it but it hurts to see her change that way.
I'm all messed up tonight... I used to be so proud of myself, but now I'm really a mess Sad sigh
Did you find this post helpful?
|
User Profile
Maddie34
replied January 12th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
All you can really do is just be there for her. I mean if she's not feelin' it then you're pretty much stuck.

It really sucks and I'm sorry you're in this position, but you should really just try to move on-- keep her as a friend if you can handle it though.

And it's entirely possible that she just feels the need to be with someone. I have a friend that's exactly like that.

I hope things have gotten better for you since you've written this! Sad
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
s_kalb
replied January 12th, 2008
Experienced User
thank you for your reply, I appreciate it !

I won't say things have gotten better, but I do feel less pressure on myself. except for yesterday evening which was particularly harder Sad that's because I knew her latest wanna-be-with guy was to come over to her house while her parents are away for the weekend. (My imagination can't stop itself over this, I guess you get the picture.) I don't even know if they spent the night together, but that won't surprise me at all.
I hope she won't again regret what she's done and tell us (friends + me) that we were right and she shouldn't have done that... those situations are getting way too predictable. She used to be so preserved about herself with good principles, not letting someone enter her life so easily ; while now she could spend the night with someone she met the same day because she thinks she's in love (and that's really torturing me at times).

I can partially handle all of this because I moved recently, so I'm discovering my area. I got the opportunity to go to the local "youth house" (Idk how it's exactly called in english) and now I'm going with them for a 10-day ski trip Wink I think this will be very helpful for me to move on.
I'll see next days if I can handle to talk to her, if she really needs me and if I really feel like helping--

thanks again for your reply, I know mine was too long to want to read directly..
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
Maddie34
replied January 12th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
haha not too long at all! I usually read them as long as they are written well.

I never understand people who are like that. She sounds like a very silly girl and she needs to grow up a bit. My friend was exactly the same. First she was very preserved and then something happened and it seemed like she was speed dating all the wrong guys. It was just one extreme to the next and as a friend its extremely hard to follow. I've had to remind my friend that she's only spoken to a guy twice far more times then I should have had to. It's silly.

The move was probably best for you, it will make moving on emotionally a bit easier(though I understand it sucks).


Hope you're liking your new area!
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
s_kalb
replied January 12th, 2008
Experienced User
I agree that she's become silly and frankly I don't see the point of what I'm feeling "now" ; but I think it's because I do know how she was before, when she was really great and appreciated. Somehow I want to help her go back to how it was before, because I know how happy she used to be. And I was really proud to have brighten up her life so much when we were together, I really was.


Now that I recall it, we once were chatting, she talked about the guy who kissed her and how magic it made her feel, and then I told her:

me "well, I see you changed a lot Wink"
her "I'm sorry if I dissapoint you Sad"
me "It's not up to me to judge that, and besides it's your life, you make the decisions of it"

wherafter I said I had to go, she told me she understands and we didn't talk afterwards. she probably knows that her way of doing drives me nuts ; and I know it won't stop her. Actually, she even knows that what she's doing isn't right for her...... but does it anyway......

Maybe in a few years she'll understand what I felt and we'll be able to communicate normally, at distance, each in a seperate relationship.
honestly, I think I will forever love her but I won't find in her the same person I loved in the past.
It's sad she changed, she was just as perfect, polite and (self-)respectful a girl could be. Now it's over ; now she's like the confused pretty show-room girl we see at the Tuning Expos, smiling along and wondering what the hell she's doing there.
I don't have any influence, so there's no point for me to interfere with her.
(note to self: now sebastian, here the hardest part. you have to keep what you just said in mind and actually apply it)

I've been listening to a song I really enjoyed today, maybe you know it: Mika - Happy Ending

"This is the way that we love, like it's forever
then live the rest of our lives, but not together..."

I hope someday I will forget about all this properly.


Thank you very much Maddie! it felt good to type all I had on my mind and have a reply back Wink when I'll be back on track I'll do my best to help others here and around me (they could use some help at the youth house - might be a good resolution for this new year Smile )

thanks!
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
Ayrshire-lass
replied January 13th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
i never finnished reading that last comment there only because i'm soo eager to jump in. i know exactly how it feels to have had someone and have the best times. from when i was 14 to 17 i had the best time ever with my friend (for the sake of the convo ill call him scott) he had a bit of a bad time at home and a week after he turnd 16 he left the house and declared himself homless. he became a big part of my life and my familys too. we drifted apart but we both agreed to it and i was fine with that.
but he started dated some girl who realy didnt like me in the picture and it broke my heart to see them get on. only problem is when they broke up. HE CHANGED. he became available to all women and he would have a different girl around everynight. he ditched all his friends and was 18 coming on 80. was in bed for 9pm. usually with someone. he'd get up and go to work bring a girl home and do the same. he became wierd. not the guy we had a laugh with and to be honest only in the last year ive got over the fact that i fell in love with him. and he's not the same person.

he goes though a bad faze and comes back saying oft i should of listend too you. n then the next day hes away doing it again. ive left him to it and to be honest he's doing ok. but if any advice from this helps ad take it lol Very Happy

its going to be hard to watch her make a mess but as you say you dnt want anything to harm her so just make sure she knows that your there for her and whatever day and whatever time your on the other end of a line to get her to call you.

she will. and in the meantime go on this trip and let yourself be free.
have a good time n get laid lol
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
Ayrshire-lass
replied January 13th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
p.s lol i love the mika song.

i think this one makes soo much sence to me

rihanna ft neyo - hate how much i love you.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
s_kalb
replied January 14th, 2008
Experienced User
Ayrshire-lass wrote:
i never finnished reading that last comment there only because i'm soo eager to jump in.

right there, this made me smile Very Happy

Ayrshire-lass wrote:
was in bed for 9pm. usually with someone. he'd get up and go to work bring a girl home and do the same.

damn I can only imagine how tormenting this must have been Confused

so now you're, say.. over him ? or sometimes... curious ? (I know I would keep wondering what Nadia's doing, how she is right now, if I could be her hero-of-the-day etc)



it's a relief to see I'm not the only sucker in such a bummer situation Wink

I've said it before I'll say it again: thanks for your input to both of you, it means a lot to me right now Smile
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
Maddie34
replied January 14th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
s_kalb wrote:


so now you're, say.. over him ? or sometimes... curious ? (I know I would keep wondering what Nadia's doing, how she is right now, if I could be her hero-of-the-day etc)


Everyone is curious about someone they've had past feelings for at one point. And you know the idea of her being with other guys may never have zero effect on you. It's not that you aren't over her, its just how it is.

Just give it time and focus on other things for awhile.
Has she contacted you lately or since you moved?
|
Did you find this post helpful?
dfrgg
replied January 14th, 2008
I also think time can solve it, also can prove sth
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
s_kalb
replied January 15th, 2008
Experienced User
Maddie34 wrote:
Everyone is curious about someone they've had past feelings for at one point. And you know the idea of her being with other guys may never have zero effect on you. It's not that you aren't over her, its just how it is.

desperately true... Wink

Maddie34 wrote:
Has she contacted you lately ?

No, we're both in examination period (but honestly I think she doesn't feel the need to talk to me either, which I guess it's pretty normal) ; we're sometimes on messenger but that's not much of a reference as I'm not very active on it.

I did notice that I haven't had any desperate thoughts today. I even accidently saw her picture in the logon notification window. the sole thing that crossed my mind was: "how do we calculate the esperancy in this exercice?" (as you see I am very focused for my statistics exam tomorrow Very Happy). her picture used to disturb me, but today it didn't do any harm.

I know it's not the end but at least I can study in peace Wink talk to you later
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
Maddie34
replied January 15th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Exams huh?
What are you going to school for? I'm taking business statistics this semester. BARF! Very Happy

I'm happy things are going well for you! Good luck on Exams!
|
Did you find this post helpful?
User Profile
s_kalb
replied January 18th, 2008
Experienced User
business statistics... sounds like lots of fun indeed...... Smile

I've got quite some news now.

[Pre-reading info: I often make buys and sells with computer hardware. Nadia's sister left the house with her computer behind, so her mother decided to sell it to me at a very good price. The pick-up day wasn't concluded there yet.]

Nadia contacted me by chat messaging the other day. I knew she had been seeing a psychlogue (english?) for a while. I didn't consider this as crucial, I thought it was overreacted, but now she's been proposed to get hospitalized!
Apparently, she's having symptoms of high depression. She's yet to decide when she would go there.
She also told me she stopped her examinations for now (i.e. she didn't show up for 2 of her 6 exams) and said she will force herself a week of resting before catching up anything.
A bit after that, I told her I went on ski vacation by myself. She said she was happy for me, then we talked some more where she asked me (nearly litteraly translated): could you also pick up the computer so we can see each other again before your trip ?

More today, she told me she had had a fight with her last bf (the one she thought she's in love with) where he decided to let her drop, and she decided to avoid him.
She's pretty pushed right now, so she will tell me tomorrow evening if I could pass by Sunday (for that computer)

With the psychologue's proposal, the fight, and her work piling up, I can only imagine the hell she's going to get :-/

I've grown used by the idea that she doesn't need me so I think I'm pretty stable on that. But I still do want to help her. I can't really recall anything she did wherafter she would deserve such a huge downhill after our breakup (but that's my sight's limit of course).

Any thoughts ?
Mine: "we'll see. I got a trip to organise and people to meet. She will quietly rest at home and will be in good hands when she will cure her depression at the hospital"
(I know... I'm such a phony just for pretending. I'm trying to brainwash actually)
|
Did you find this post helpful?
mummy2alilstar
replied January 2nd, 2010
hey
you can do better than her, sounds like shes playin games wif your head x
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Concerned911
replied January 19th, 2010
Move On. Nothing she does is your fault after SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU. I know the feeling I have been in this situation. Just remember she broke it off it is not your fault and ask yourself, Is it worth it to go back to someone who broke up with me?

All The Best
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Quick Reply
Sign up for FREE weekly health tips!
... Saving
Ask a doctor