Joined: 10 Aug 2007 Posts: 62 Location: Spokane, wa USA
lost friend over guy Posted: 01-07-08 15:58pm
My best friend over a guy. Im not putting
blame on her in the least.
Story:
So new years we threw a big hotel party.
She invited a guy that she met off of
Myspace(literally JUST MET THAT NIGHT).
He was flirting with her and me n my other
friend were puttin some shots down that
night together. WE all started to get a
little tipsy and I started dancing. I do
recognize Im a flirtatious(sp) person, and
i do take part blame. HE started to flirt
with me and make eyes and whta not... I
blew him off bc thats my girls date. The
night progressed more alcohol. I got a
little sick and he came into the BR to
help me. After all was said and done, we
ended up having sex. I told my friend
whitney what had happen right after. Yes
we were both drunk(me && the guy). I had
told my friend Ms.purdy that he was
hitting on me all night, but the next
morning he was like stop that caca I like
her. So I lied to her and said I was just
drunk.
So they became an "item" yesterday. I
stopped talkin to her bc I dont trust him.
She caught on that I didnt want to talk
and something was bothering me. SO i told
her today what happened and now I think I
lost my best friend over some retarded lil
19 year old who thinks hes a lil player.
I need to know if I was in the wrong.
Me and her have been friends for two years
and she has only KNOWN him for 6 days!!!!
Advice?
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1726 Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6
Posted: 01-07-08 16:02pm
Well, yes, you WERE in the wrong.
At least you fessed up, that is the only
good I see in this whole drama.
Once this "player" cheats on your friend,
she will see the light and I'm sure you
all will be friends again.
All you can really do at this point is
tell her your true feelings on the
situation and apologize.
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Confused_Stressed
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Aug 2007 Posts: 62 Location: Spokane, wa USA
Posted: 01-07-08 16:21pm
well No i know i was in the wrong for
sleeping with him that much i know is
true. believe me!
Am I in the wrong for telling her what
happened?
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1726 Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6
Posted: 01-07-08 16:42pm
Not at all... That's what friends are
supposed to do... or anyone with a shred
of deacency.
It's called honesty. You all didn't get to
being best friends by lying to eachother.
That's just about all you can do is come
clean and apologize. The rest is on her.
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Confused_Stressed
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Aug 2007 Posts: 62 Location: Spokane, wa USA
Posted: 01-07-08 16:45pm
she is believing him over me and she is
pissed that we did...but honestly he has
known her for 6 days...how can you be mad
at your bf over some dude who u just met?
shouldnt she be mad at both of us?!?!?
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1726 Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6
Posted: 01-07-08 16:48pm
Hormones make your brain go all out of
whack.
She will realize soon enough.
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Confused_Stressed
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Aug 2007 Posts: 62 Location: Spokane, wa USA
Posted: 01-08-08 02:02am
So i feel horrible I really dont want to
lose her over this...but I feel like I am.
I half way just want to lie to her and
say that it never happened but I know it
will make it worse. God shes one of my
best friends and it just sucks that this
dick is going to make us lose a friendship
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1726 Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6
Posted: 01-08-08 08:47am
Well, you should stop thinking that this
guy is the only problem. It's your fault
too, both of yours.
Give it some time, just keep apologizing.
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Confused_Stressed
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Aug 2007 Posts: 62 Location: Spokane, wa USA
Posted: 01-09-08 04:59am
Well i did apologize. But this guy is
controlling her every move. He took her
phone, controls her myspace. And believe
me its my fault. But the thing about it
is...They just met THAT NIGHT< there was
no relationship, no talks of liking him,
just he came there with her. I AM TO
BLAME, but so is this guy. and Im getting
all of the blame. IDK i have lost her as a
friend bc he is with her and she wont talk
to me and will not contact me. So Ive
come to terms that she can have him, if he
breaks her heart...o well....i warned her
and when all is over sad thing is is
I might not be there. Its kind of
childish but I told her what happened w
us, i was honest, and now she is saying
goodbye so thats what I am saying....
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1726 Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6
Posted: 01-09-08 09:01am
If he is controlling her like that, he
could potentially become an abuser.
She's just going to have to live her life
and make mistakes and hopefully learn from
them.
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Georgia59
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
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Posted: 01-09-08 15:17pm
I agree. Give it some time, wait for this
guy to blow over, and then have a few
drinks with your friend and reminisce
about what a jerk he was.
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PixieKat
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Posts: 201 Location: UT,
Posted: 01-10-08 00:52am
Losing your best friend is a really hard
thing, the best thing to do is just to
wait it out, you've apologised, theres not
much else you can do, if you try to
convince her, her guy isnt right for her
she will just get more mad, I think she
should deff be mad at both of you, me
personaly, id would of forgave my best
friend, and not date the guy. But i guess
some people see things diffrently.
If in the long run, you try everything to
keep being friends, but she just doesnt
want to, you have to learn to accept that.
I know from experiance its a very hard
thing to let go of your best friend, but
there isnt much you can do about it.
Hope everything works out with the two of
you.
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1726 Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6
Posted: 01-10-08 08:39am
Well I was thinking...
Something like this happened to me when I
was 14.
She was my best friend since we were 6
years old. She started dating this guy
that she had just met. He turned out to be
really cool. The 3 of us were all good
friends. Then, my parents went to Germany
and left me and my step brother at home to
go to school on our own (yeah right), and
fend for ourselves.
Well, I invited him over. He pressured me
into losing my virginity. One of the
biggest mistakes I've ever made.
It didn't take very long for my best
friend to find out.
Of course, she hated me. She called me
wh***, promiscuous person, all of that. It
basically caused me to lose the majority
of my friends.
We started talking again 4 years later. We
had both graduated high school by this
time and people forgive/forget. We talked
about the whole situation, and of course I
told her I was very sorry and nothing of
the sort would EVER happen again. To this
day, we are still best friends. We work
together and both of us have kids that
play together.
Things will work themselves out over time.
Either she will befriend you again, or
she'll never talk to you again. Either
way, you need to move on and give her some
space.
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Confused_Stressed
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Aug 2007 Posts: 62 Location: Spokane, wa USA
Posted: 01-10-08 19:01pm
Well she has chosen him over me. I have
made some new close friends at my work who
both agree with the situation sucked. I
found people to just talk to again which
is really what I need. I know Im being
childish, but I have always put her ABOVE
all my bfs in my life. She on the other
hand didnt. So, Im the type of person to
sit back and let her get her heart broken
and honestly, bc of the type of person she
is....Im not letting her cry on my
shoulder bc she wont let me. After she's
grown and see's what she just threw away
bc of a little boy...maybe we will talk
till then I think im moving with some
friends to Tacoma WA in the next few
months and go to school. So i think its
for the best!
