Womens Chat Forum - lost friend over guy

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Q: lost friend over guy

asked by: Confused_Stressed on January 7th, 2008

Experienced User

My best friend over a guy. Im not putting blame on her in the least.

Story:

So new years we threw a big hotel party. She invited a guy that she met off of Myspace(literally JUST MET THAT NIGHT). He was flirting with her and me n my other friend were puttin some shots down that night together. WE all started to get a little tipsy and I started dancing. I do recognize Im a flirtatious(sp) person, and i do take part blame. HE started to flirt with me and make eyes and whta not... I blew him off bc thats my girls date. The night progressed more alcohol. I got a little sick and he came into the BR to help me. After all was said and done, we ended up having sex. I told my friend whitney what had happen right after. Yes we were both drunk(me && the guy). I had told my friend Ms.purdy that he was hitting on me all night, but the next morning he was like stop that caca I like her. So I lied to her and said I was just drunk.

So they became an "item" yesterday. I stopped talkin to her bc I dont trust him. She caught on that I didnt want to talk and something was bothering me. SO i told her today what happened and now I think I lost my best friend over some retarded lil 19 year old who thinks hes a lil player. I need to know if I was in the wrong.
Me and her have been friends for two years and she has only KNOWN him for 6 days!!!!

Advice?

Replies(13)

Marianne0558

replied on January 7th, 2008

Supporter

Well, yes, you WERE in the wrong.
At least you fessed up, that is the only good I see in this whole drama.

Once this "player" cheats on your friend, she will see the light and I'm sure you all will be friends again.
All you can really do at this point is tell her your true feelings on the situation and apologize.

Confused_Stressed

replied on January 7th, 2008

Experienced User

well No i know i was in the wrong for sleeping with him that much i know is true. believe me!

Am I in the wrong for telling her what happened?

Marianne0558

replied on January 7th, 2008

Supporter

Not at all... That's what friends are supposed to do... or anyone with a shred of deacency.
It's called honesty. You all didn't get to being best friends by lying to eachother.
That's just about all you can do is come clean and apologize. The rest is on her.

Confused_Stressed

replied on January 7th, 2008

Experienced User

she is believing him over me and she is pissed that we did...but honestly he has known her for 6 days...how can you be mad at your bf over some dude who u just met? shouldnt she be mad at both of us?!?!?

Marianne0558

replied on January 7th, 2008

Supporter

Hormones make your brain go all out of whack.
She will realize soon enough.

Confused_Stressed

replied on January 8th, 2008

Experienced User

So i feel horrible I really dont want to lose her over this...but I feel like I am. I half way just want to lie to her and say that it never happened but I know it will make it worse. God shes one of my best friends and it just sucks that this dick is going to make us lose a friendship

Marianne0558

replied on January 8th, 2008

Supporter

Well, you should stop thinking that this guy is the only problem. It's your fault too, both of yours.

Give it some time, just keep apologizing.

Confused_Stressed

replied on January 9th, 2008

Experienced User

Well i did apologize. But this guy is controlling her every move. He took her phone, controls her myspace. And believe me its my fault. But the thing about it is...They just met THAT NIGHT< there was no relationship, no talks of liking him, just he came there with her. I AM TO BLAME, but so is this guy. and Im getting all of the blame. IDK i have lost her as a friend bc he is with her and she wont talk to me and will not contact me. So Ive come to terms that she can have him, if he breaks her heart...o well....i warned her and when all is over sad thing is is
I might not be there. Its kind of childish but I told her what happened w us, i was honest, and now she is saying goodbye so thats what I am saying....

Marianne0558

replied on January 9th, 2008

Supporter

If he is controlling her like that, he could potentially become an abuser.

She's just going to have to live her life and make mistakes and hopefully learn from them.

Georgia59

replied on January 9th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

I agree. Give it some time, wait for this guy to blow over, and then have a few drinks with your friend and reminisce about what a jerk he was.

PixieKat

replied on January 10th, 2008

Experienced User

Losing your best friend is a really hard thing, the best thing to do is just to wait it out, you've apologised, theres not much else you can do, if you try to convince her, her guy isnt right for her she will just get more mad, I think she should deff be mad at both of you, me personaly, id would of forgave my best friend, and not date the guy. But i guess some people see things diffrently.

If in the long run, you try everything to keep being friends, but she just doesnt want to, you have to learn to accept that. I know from experiance its a very hard thing to let go of your best friend, but there isnt much you can do about it.

Hope everything works out with the two of you.

Marianne0558

replied on January 10th, 2008

Supporter

Well I was thinking...

Something like this happened to me when I was 14.

She was my best friend since we were 6 years old. She started dating this guy that she had just met. He turned out to be really cool. The 3 of us were all good friends. Then, my parents went to Germany and left me and my step brother at home to go to school on our own (yeah right), and fend for ourselves.
Well, I invited him over. He pressured me into losing my virginity. One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made.
It didn't take very long for my best friend to find out.
Of course, she hated me. She called me wh***, promiscuous person, all of that. It basically caused me to lose the majority of my friends.
We started talking again 4 years later. We had both graduated high school by this time and people forgive/forget. We talked about the whole situation, and of course I told her I was very sorry and nothing of the sort would EVER happen again. To this day, we are still best friends. We work together and both of us have kids that play together.
Things will work themselves out over time. Either she will befriend you again, or she'll never talk to you again. Either way, you need to move on and give her some space.

Confused_Stressed

replied on January 10th, 2008

Experienced User

Well she has chosen him over me. I have made some new close friends at my work who both agree with the situation sucked. I found people to just talk to again which is really what I need. I know Im being childish, but I have always put her ABOVE all my bfs in my life. She on the other hand didnt. So, Im the type of person to sit back and let her get her heart broken and honestly, bc of the type of person she is....Im not letting her cry on my shoulder bc she wont let me. After she's grown and see's what she just threw away bc of a little boy...maybe we will talk till then I think im moving with some friends to Tacoma WA in the next few months and go to school. So i think its for the best!

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