hello everyone,

this is my first post. i am a recovering addict and am currently having problems with my boyfriend who is a heavy drinker. first, let me tell you a little more about me, my past, and my current relationship.

I was an opiate user for years (i.e. oxycontin, vioprofen, percocet, etc.) and it finally caught up to me and became a huge problem in my life. i was using everyday, several times a day until i could not live without the pills and realized i needed help. while i was using and before i entered detox, i was seeing my current boyfriend, though we were not in a relationship yet. he knew i was a drug user/drinker, but did not know the extent of my problem since I was very good at hiding it. we started dating a month before i went into detox and sought treatment, and he stuck with me through the whole thing. he supported me and i appreciated his help and decided to stay with him since he was a good influence and a good person to lean on.

Now, before I went to rehab and realized I had a problem, and before we started a relationship, my now-boyfriend had been a heavy drinker and had gotten in trouble with the law. he would black out every now and then, and when he did, it always turned out to be a disaster. he turns into a completely different person. he scares me when he is really drunk. when he is sober, he is kind and gentle, but when he is very intoxicated, he is a disgusting human being and has done several things to me in the past that hurt me, both physically and mentally. and when he had told me that his father was a recovered alcoholic, i was not surprised.

However, his black-outs and heavy drinking became much less frequent and I decided to start a relationship with him. When i went into recovery for my drug addiction, he rarely binged on alcohol and I really thought that he changed for good. he realized that he had a problem.

After a few months, he started getting drunk again. it really bothered me, and i told him that I did not like when he was drunk, that he scared me, and that I didn't know how to deal with it. he promised me that he would try to not get drunk and he would never black-out again. of course, he has not kept this promise, and he has been getting drunk more and more frequently. this past week, he has gotten very drunk two times. the first time, i was not with him and he told me he had gotten a "little drunk." but this was not true. a few days later, a friend who was with him that night had told me that he was "very drunk" and he admitted to me that he was indeed very drunk that night. so, he had lied to me, which is something he has never done before and it alarmed me.

the second time he was drunk this past week, i was with him and i was upset with him. we got into a fight while he was drunk, but i decided to let it go and talk about it with him when he was sober. we talked about it the next day, and he told me that if i expected him to never get drunk than this relationship would not work. true, he hasn't done anything violent since he had gotten in trouble with the law about 7 months ago. but i know he has the tendency to get back to that place he once was, and when someone has a substance problem, it is very easy to slip back into old ways (i know this from being a recovering addict).

so right now, i am lost. i don't know what to do about this. his friends all think i'm over-reacting and they have never told him that he has a problem, even though they have experienced his horrible black-outs many times. i feel like i am the only one in his life who is concerned about his drinking, and this frightens me. maybe i AM over-reacting? but, I can't help that these are my feelings and he has hurt me in the past because of his drinking. not only that, but I am a recovering addict, and I can't help but think that he is a bad influence on me because I am not even supposed to drink or use anything.

Please give me some advice or guidance of any kind. I don't want to end our relationship over something that I'm over-reacting about. Our relationship is amazing otherwise and I do love him.

thank you