Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 1059 Location: Monroe, Michigan United States
Army :( Posted: 01-06-08 16:15pm
So my best friend/ kinda bf called me
about oh... 30-45 minutes ago and we were
talking and he asked what I thought about
him going back in to the military. I told
him straight up NO! I really love this guy
to death and I want nothing bad to happen
to him, I hate being away from him as is
(lives 45 minutes away and no car) So I
don't get to see him enough as is. I want
to support his decision to go back into
the army but I DON'T want to have to be
away from him for so long. The ONLY reason
he is even considering this is so he can
support me and my baby (which isn't even
his). When I told him why I didn't want
him to go back in he said he'd take me
with him, but there was one problem. He'd
have to take me as his wife. I would love
that but I'm to young to get married. I
don't know if I should support him or if I
should just keep telling him no
Sorry if this is all jumbled and hard to
understand. I'm just kinda upset right now
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mominashoe
Supporter
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1702 Location: , KS USA
Thanks: 33
Thanked:16
Posted: 01-06-08 16:24pm
You can support him, but if you are 16,
I'm not sure if you are legally allowed to
get married at that age anyway. It varies
from state to state......so I looked it up
for you:
Michigan: Applicants 16 years of age may
marry with parental or legal guardian
written consent. Applicants under the age
of 15 with parental consent and probate
court permission. 'Marriage of a Minor':
The legal marriage of a minor “shall
release such minor from parental
control.” http://www.coolnurse.
com/marriage_laws.htm
It's really reasonable for you to be
upset....because you love the guy and he
sounds awesome to want to do all this for
you. No matter what the laws and if it
would be worked out, you should never get
into something that you are not ready for,
even if it means submitting to the cliche
"absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Just consider the repercussions a trip
overseas would have for you and your
little one. I think that for the sake of
health and stability, it would be better
if you stayed home for now, even if you
did decide to marry. You need people
around you, like your friends and your
parents to help you out with your new life
with a baby, because being a new mom isn't
going to be easy.
|
Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 7276
Posted: 01-06-08 16:29pm
i understand you dont want anything to
happen to him, Ash but the military takes
VERY good care of its recruits and their
families.. They pay for schooling, give
you money to give to your family to pay
their bills while you are away, they take
care of you in just about every aspect.
Yes, its a dangerous time out there right
now, but as a provider if he feels this is
the best choice for his familys present
and future, then let him do what he feels
he needs to do.
Why is marrying him so out of the
question? Just because you are young
doesnt mean you cant get married.. being
in love has no age requirement. If you can
see yourself with this man for the rest of
your life, go for it.
Dont be that person that sits back and
beats themself up from wondering 'What
if?' be the person that can say you tried.
^_^
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Electriceyes
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 1059 Location: Monroe, Michigan United States
Posted: 01-06-08 16:35pm
I do really love this guy I would LOVE to
marry him but I'd like to be at least 18.
He told me he understands why I'm upset
and that he would want me to go with him
because he hates being away from me more
than I hate being away from him. But I
could stand being thousands of miles away
from my family and friends, everyone I
love more than anything in the world...
lol I'v actually told him that absence
makes the heart grow fonder because he
gets upset he cant be here for me and to
go through this experience with me....
I agree that staying home is a better
choice for now, and he hasn't even made a
decision on if he is or isn't going to
rejoin. I do need my family to help me
through the first part of this because it
wont be easy at all, especially at 16.
I think I'm going to tell him if he wants
to rejoin that is fine (though i'll hate
it) But that I need to be here for now.
|
Electriceyes
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 1059 Location: Monroe, Michigan United States
Posted: 01-06-08 16:41pm
Sandy_Pants
wrote:
i understand you dont want
anything to happen to him, Ash but the
military takes VERY good care of its
recruits and their families.. They pay for
schooling, give you money to give to your
family to pay their bills while you are
away, they take care of you in just about
every aspect. Yes, its a dangerous time
out there right now, but as a provider if
he feels this is the best choice for his
familys present and future, then let him
do what he feels he needs to do.
Why is marrying him so out of the
question? Just because you are young
doesnt mean you cant get married.. being
in love has no age requirement. If you can
see yourself with this man for the rest of
your life, go for it.
Dont be that person that sits back and
beats themself up from wondering 'What
if?' be the person that can say you tried.
^_^
Thanks, He was in the army before, he
could just go to school and get a great
job but I do think he misses the army. If
he really feels the need to rejoin and
fight for what he believes i'll support
him
Well, the ONLY reason marrying him is out
of the question right now is because i'm
not so sure my mother would go for it. I
can see myself with him if not for the
rest of my life then for a VERY long
time.
I've beaten myself up before for not doing
something I should have and I HATE the
feeling. I think If he does decide to
rejoin I will go for it. I love him enough
and I know he loves me more than anything
in this world. Like you said at least i
tried
thats a tough one, my husband chose to
join the army for the reason to take care
of us, the pay is good, and they help you
out alot with anything u need. deployments
suck. just got through one with my husband
and he is back but injured but hes ok. it
does suck being away for so long but i had
to do it, i stayed with my parents while
he went through basic and stuff. we got
marrie whenhe graduated basic. the only
difference wil be if he joins and you
arent married he wont get paid like he has
dependants. like me and my husband got BAH
while he was away after we were maried
wile i was livng in florida still. DOes he
live on his own right now or not? maybe
just have a sit down and discuss the pros
and cons of the situation, alot join the
military for the stability of ajob and
steady paycheck plus when ur maried u get
health insurance through tricare. and the
dental is really cheap also. we pay $11 a
month fo rme and my husband. are u on
medicaid? hopefully u figure it out, i
know the ins and outs of army lol.
|
Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 7276
Posted: 01-06-08 16:48pm
princess6591
wrote:
Sandy_Pants
wrote:
i understand you dont want
anything to happen to him, Ash but the
military takes VERY good care of its
recruits and their families.. They pay for
schooling, give you money to give to your
family to pay their bills while you are
away, they take care of you in just about
every aspect. Yes, its a dangerous time
out there right now, but as a provider if
he feels this is the best choice for his
familys present and future, then let him
do what he feels he needs to do.
Why is marrying him so out of the
question? Just because you are young
doesnt mean you cant get married.. being
in love has no age requirement. If you can
see yourself with this man for the rest of
your life, go for it.
Dont be that person that sits back and
beats themself up from wondering 'What
if?' be the person that can say you tried.
^_^
Thanks, He was in the army before, he
could just go to school and get a great
job but I do think he misses the army. If
he really feels the need to rejoin and
fight for what he believes i'll support
him
Well, the ONLY reason marrying him is out
of the question right now is because i'm
not so sure my mother would go for it. I
can see myself with him if not for the
rest of my life then for a VERY long
time.
I've beaten myself up before for not doing
something I should have and I HATE the
feeling. I think If he does decide to
rejoin I will go for it. I love him enough
and I know he loves me more than anything
in this world. Like you said at least i
tried
you never know.. us moms have a habit of
surprising our offspring lol.
She might just see how important it is to
you, and seeing as how ur already pregnant
she might support it even more knowing you
and that baby will be taken care of.
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 01-06-08 16:51pm
stay with your family because if anything
ever happened between you and him youd be
stuck.
|
Electriceyes
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 1059 Location: Monroe, Michigan United States
Posted: 01-06-08 16:52pm
tinkinpink84
wrote:
thats a tough one, my
husband chose to join the army for the
reason to take care of us, the pay is
good, and they help you out alot with
anything u need. deployments suck. just
got through one with my husband and he is
back but injured but hes ok. it does suck
being away for so long but i had to do it,
i stayed with my parents while he went
through basic and stuff. we got marrie
whenhe graduated basic. the only
difference wil be if he joins and you
arent married he wont get paid like he has
dependants. like me and my husband got BAH
while he was away after we were maried
wile i was livng in florida still. DOes he
live on his own right now or not? maybe
just have a sit down and discuss the pros
and cons of the situation, alot join the
military for the stability of ajob and
steady paycheck plus when ur maried u get
health insurance through tricare. and the
dental is really cheap also. we pay $11 a
month fo rme and my husband. are u on
medicaid? hopefully u figure it out, i
know the ins and outs of army
lol.
He lives with 2 roommates. I do think he
want the stability of a better job. That
is cheap! I am on a for of Medicaid. I
only get insurance until I'm 19. I'm sure
him and I will figure something out. I'll
have him take a weekend off soon and have
him come up...
Oh and for my mom not going for it, I
think I'd be 17 by the time he rejoined
anyways so I think i'd be ok to marry him
at that point.
yeah, parents can change lol, my parents
did, they used to hate jason now hes there
favorite son in law lol. sometimes our
parents are afraid to let us grow up and
do things on our own.
|
Electriceyes
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 1059 Location: Monroe, Michigan United States
Posted: 01-06-08 16:54pm
Sandy_Pants
wrote:
princess6591
wrote:
Sandy_Pants
wrote:
i understand you dont want
anything to happen to him, Ash but the
military takes VERY good care of its
recruits and their families.. They pay for
schooling, give you money to give to your
family to pay their bills while you are
away, they take care of you in just about
every aspect. Yes, its a dangerous time
out there right now, but as a provider if
he feels this is the best choice for his
familys present and future, then let him
do what he feels he needs to do.
Why is marrying him so out of the
question? Just because you are young
doesnt mean you cant get married.. being
in love has no age requirement. If you can
see yourself with this man for the rest of
your life, go for it.
Dont be that person that sits back and
beats themself up from wondering 'What
if?' be the person that can say you tried.
^_^
Thanks, He was in the army before, he
could just go to school and get a great
job but I do think he misses the army. If
he really feels the need to rejoin and
fight for what he believes i'll support
him
Well, the ONLY reason marrying him is out
of the question right now is because i'm
not so sure my mother would go for it. I
can see myself with him if not for the
rest of my life then for a VERY long
time.
I've beaten myself up before for not doing
something I should have and I HATE the
feeling. I think If he does decide to
rejoin I will go for it. I love him enough
and I know he loves me more than anything
in this world. Like you said at least i
tried
you never know.. us moms have a habit of
surprising our offspring lol.
She might just see how important it is to
you, and seeing as how ur already pregnant
she might support it even more knowing you
and that baby will be taken care
of.
Lol. yes, my mom does do that a lot. She
wants me to be on my own and I want to be
on my one I hate that she has to take care
of me and that she'll have to take care of
my son as well. She may go for it.
i think you and him need to try and spend
more time together before he jumps up at
his chance to rejoin etc, and figure out
where the both of you are going in the
future to make sure this is what you are
gonna do. You dont just wana jump up into
something and then regret it but u also
dont wanna pass it up then wish you did
it.
|
Electriceyes
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 1059 Location: Monroe, Michigan United States
Posted: 01-06-08 16:55pm
the_girlfriend
wrote:
stay with your family
because if anything ever happened between
you and him youd be
stuck.
this is one of the reasons i was second
guessing it and saying i'd wait till i was
18.
yeah , well even out on our own is not to
bad, iknow that if something happened iam
always welcome at my parents house, its
not like uleave and your never allowed
back there, but i just think u two need to
try and spend alot of time togther to talk
things over and not just jump into things.
|
Electriceyes
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 1059 Location: Monroe, Michigan United States
Posted: 01-06-08 16:58pm
tinkinpink84
wrote:
i think you and him need to
try and spend more time together before he
jumps up at his chance to rejoin etc, and
figure out where the both of you are going
in the future to make sure this is what
you are gonna do. You dont just wana jump
up into something and then regret it but u
also dont wanna pass it up then wish you
did it.
Well, soon we're gonna be spending a bit
more time together (i normally only get to
see him for 2 days) His boss is giving him
a week off so he can be here and help me
after this baby is born. You're right I
don't want to jump into something then
maybe regret it. But if I don't do it i
don't want to wish I did. I hate being in
situations like this
|
Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 7276
Posted: 01-06-08 16:59pm
Like i said dont be that person that looks
back and regrets not going for it.
If it doesnt work out you always have
family to come home to.
If it does work out, awesome!
Don't let people talk you out of doing
something just because of the what ifs. If
we based all of our decisions on that,
we'd never leave the house.
yeah thats like sooo complicated, but it
seems like u got timeto figure it out
though so hopefuly the decision jumps out
at you one day, thats awesome that he get
s a week off to be there for u after th
ababy is born.
|
Electriceyes
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 1059 Location: Monroe, Michigan United States
Posted: 01-06-08 17:01pm
tinkinpink84
wrote:
yeah , well even out on our
own is not to bad, iknow that if
something happened iam always welcome at
my parents house, its not like uleave and
your never allowed back there, but i just
think u two need to try and spend alot of
time togther to talk things over and not
just jump into
things.
Yeah i'd always be welcome back home but
as soon as I'm out of the house my mom and
step-dad are selling the house and moving
to Arkansas. We are trying to spend as
much time as we can together. We need to
have a long talk. Maybe he can get this
weekend off and come up for a visit so we
can at least talk some stuff over.
|
Electriceyes
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 1059 Location: Monroe, Michigan United States
Posted: 01-06-08 17:03pm
I will have to think about this really
hard.
I'm pretty positive we'd work out.
I normally don't let people talk me out of
things because of what ifs....
Yeah I think it's cool his boss is going
to give him a week off... She's awesome.
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 01-06-08 17:04pm
look hun
im going to tell you the honest truth:
your trying to rush your life
stop and take a look at what your about to
do. seriously. i moved out of my house
when i was FIFTEEN because i thought it
would be so great living with travis and
that it would all be prefect. seriously i
miss my mom and my family so much its not
funny. life is NOT worth rushing dude. it
already goes by fast enogh. why make it go
by even fastre. living with someone WILLC
HANGE your relationship. and sometimes it
can even make it worse. seriously. its not
fun and its not all awsome all the time.
you have to learn to grow up so fast and
change your life for that person.
dont be ina rush to get married either.
because divorce is a B*(#%. and if that
happened it would be even more stress on
you. and that child. and the last thing
either of you need is that
right now your ina good spot. dont leave
just because you love him. seriously
listen to what im telling you. i miss
everything i left behind. dont do the same
thing i did
sure i love travis to death but me and my
mom have grown apart so much its not
funny. dont do that to yourself it hurts.
really really bad
I would LOVE to
marry him but I'd like to be at least 18.
He told me he understands why I'm upset
and that he would want me to go with him
because he hates being away from me more
than I hate being away from him. But I
could stand being thousands of miles away
from my family and friends, everyone I
love more than anything in the world...
lol I'v actually told him that absence
makes the heart grow fonder because he
gets upset he cant be here for me and to
go through this experience with me....
