Well, this is sort of a confusing situation, and I don't know what to do about it. My first year of university, I met this really awesome guy. We were only friends throughout the year. We just got along really well. And then second year happened. My roommate and his roommate were (are) dating, so him and I spent a lot of time together, eventually resulting in sleeping together practically every night. It wasn't just sex, it was like close sleeping. Around christmas, I couldn't take it anymore. I told him that if all he wanted from me was sex to stop sleeping over everynight, because I got attached to him. I didn't want to have the whole titles thing, because I felt that it put a lot of pressure on things. I told him that if he was just using me, that I wouldn't be able to handle that. Well, he told me that he didn't want to be my boyfriend ( we're moving in with our roommates together, all 4 of us in one house in september) and he felt that living together would make it hard to date and still live together. The awkwardness of living together if we broke up and all that. Ok. So here we are, the end of the schol year. He's leaving for alberta in a few hours, not coming back until september. I just don't know what to do. I told him that I was going to miss him, but talking to him is like talking to a wall. He seems to have no emotions what so ever. How can he feel nothing for me after 8 months of sleeping together every single night? He's got this notion in his head that when he comes back in september that things will still be the same as they were this year. I don't know what to do!! I've tried talknig to him, writing him letters, and I get nothing back from him. I don't know how to handle this. I really like him, I really like how I feel when i'm around him, I like the person he is, but I don't know how to handle any of this. I know he'll go back to alberta (i'm on the east coast) and hook up with all these diferent girls while i'm stuck here, pining away, being lonely, while my roommates are the perfect couple.
I know this post is long, seems like i'm rambling, but I just had to get it out. If anyone has any ideas as to what I should do, please, let me know. I'm just so lonely and lost right now. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.
Jamie - what is is about this guy that makes him so "awesome"? And what do you want from him that you haven't been getting? You and he might just have been looking for different things -- it's not that he was "using" you -- unless you weren't actually enjoying it at the time? There is no blueprint for what constitutes a relationship, so maybe he thought you were fine with how things were for 8 months.
If he has no emotions for you, you need to regain your self-respect, and move on. Try to take the opportunity over the summer to develop yourself and your interests -- you don't need someone like that. Sharing a house with him next year is probably not a good idea. Have you discussed the situation with your friend at all?
thanks for your reply.
The things about this guy that make his so awesome are his generosity, his sense of humor, and just how amazing a friend he always is. He'd do anything for anyone. The subject of previous girlfriends came up once and I guess he was burned pretty bad, she lied to him about being pregnant and slept with his friends. So I think that he is jsut scared of commitment.
What I wanted from him that I didn't get was some sort of reassurance that he was going to miss me over the summer and that I meant something to him.But with little more then a kiss on the cheek and a "see ya" I was left alone. When he's around I don't feel like i'm questioning his reasons for being with me, but now that he's gone, I am. And it's not that I didn't enjoy every minute I spent with him. We just get a long really well, we just click. But now I guess everything has changed. I justr don't know what i'm going to do without him for 5 months. Not only was he a campanion during cold nights, he was a friend that was always there for me, even if I was just in a bad mood and wanted someone to rant to. I'm really going to miss him, but I know I can't go through all of this again next year when he decides to go away all over again.
It sounds to me like you need to try to find someone else. Just for your own sanity. Like poopoo (sp?) it isn't that he was "using" you it just sounds like you do want different things. I hate to break it to you, but if he did want more then just sex and friendship then he would be more open with you.
I am not saying to just forget about him, but don't let him hold you back from finding love. You don't need to be a sex toy. Although, sometimes it does seem like it is better than nothing, it isn't. It is not good for the self esteem and it is not good to be waiting around for something that probably will not happen.
I am not trying to crush your spirit or hurt your feelings, but you have to be honest with yourself. Find someone who makes you feel like he does, but where the feelings are mutual. Good luck and just remember that you are better than this!
Thanks, hotasfrick, for your reply. I've been away and have been unable to post on here as I would have liked. You totally hit the spot that i'm in when you said that it seems better to be someone's sex toy than nothing at all. That's exactly what I thought. I'm finding out the hard way that it's totally not worth it. I'm still so hurt and frustrated and angry at him. He writes me emails (he's got a boring office job for the summer and says he "needs something to do") but he doesn't mention at all what happened between the two of us... And I really don't think it's my place to bring it up. I'm trying to be openminded, and not to let my experience with him ruin potential relationships with anyone else, but even when I look at someone else, I compare them to him. Physically, mentally, everything. I just really want to get over this, but I think 8 months of convincing myself that he and I were both in it for the same thing has ruined both my self esteem and self confidence. I thought I was doing better until today, when this guy asked me out for dinner. I said no, and now everything that I was feeling a few weeks ago is all right back on the surface.
This is so depressing