Hello, I'm your brain.

I'm working hard here trying to creat an alternative reality for you. But, do you appreciate it? No, you gripe to these weiners on EHealth.

With all this thinking going on in here, I think I'm going to need a shake from Dairy Queen. Or some large fries from McDs.

Hopefully, I can get this chick to move her legs, so we can get some good stuff to eat.

hi. action causes reaction. that's reality. maybe you're my thoughts. if so, please remind me to take care of myself, call someone that really cares and tell them the truth about how i feel. oh, also remind me/you that we are not alone. that's important to know.

hahaha, man im funny

how clever of you
sneaky little brain
stop playing with my headz

This is your brain again.

Please think pleasant thoughts cuz I'm sensitive. Also, I need to remind you that I'm here for you anytime (except, of course, when you hit the bathroom), so you're never alone.

That's funny, I don't feel bipolar although she insists it's true. I thought it would be more fun to switch moods quickly, but it's painful. I hope I can make her forget her pain for just a little while.

I'm still waiting on that food, too. The other head is complaining.

alright, sunshine and bunnies..

thanks, brain, i appreciate it

but that, i really dont appreciate >=|

just take a chill pill will ya.

no yummy foods for you, until you understand that all your craziness and fun is really stressing me out!

Didn't mean to offend you. Sorry.

hey ktthefreak, so what is really going on with you??

don't be too sorry, ktthefreak asked for it. no dummy there. so now you know we are here together in this reality.

i suppose so.

im not sure whats going on with me. o.o
not sure i can even translate how i feel into words.
im delusional
and i feel like i know some kind of truth about the world that no one else does.
and i drive myself crazy by not knowing how or why we are here.. on this earth. what i really need is a religion, hah.

but ill just work myself up. think stupid things, to the point where i cant even walk down the stairs without thinking "why cant i be walking on the ceiling? why cant i be hovering? why cant i magically transport myself to the place i want to be? why do i even have to have a body??"
which is stupid, right? i wish i could just say "shut up, this is how it is and this is how it will be so get over it.."

and then i'll think..
"if this world can be created where people can be happy yet people suffer, why couldnt a world of just happiness be created.. obviously someone has to be controlling this, this amount of intelligence didnt just f'ing come from nothing" i was raised to believe in god, about a year ago is when i really started thinking that he cuoldnt possibly exist.. atleast not the god the bible talks about..
anyway, thats what you would hear if you were to listen to my thoughts for a minute or two.

i just drive myself crazy =) wewt.

when i was in my 20s i was in crisis through the good part of that decade. it seems like some of this stuff you think or go through is that you are philosophical by nature. i was like that... i guess i drove myself crazy with it all... with the nothing. none of it made any sense to me either. sometimes it still doesn't. i understand, you want answers, dare i say, something to believe in?

you do know a part of the truth that no one else knows... it's you, who you are and what you believe yourself to be.

try to remember... it's not just you that lives in a body right now. i endure mine. oh, whoever came up with 'your 30s are the best because you have everything figured out' must have been very lucky. i, foolishly, daydreamed about my so called mentally healthy wonder-30s, and it turns out that i'm not so lucky.

but, i'm currently medicated and so it doesn't seem to matter anymore. i just get up every day and go to work, come home and do random things or i do nothing. well, staring at an equalizer for an hour i think is a pile of nothing. but it feels good in a way to just go blank. i can still create and now i think i can perform/function. not all the way jet, but i do think it's better. but i go back down eventually. it's frustrating not being able to be strong for myself when i'm down, way down. i had hoped that by now i would have dealing with that figured out. but i still go to extremes. i get hopeless desperate. i believe that god is punishing me for my sins. and that he has done this to me... left me alone. like he's trying to teach me something. and it angers me off because i'm tired of learning to take it on the chin. i get it already. but then the 'got it all figured out' 33 year old says your lesson this time is i won't ever figure it out or know why. i'm learning that life is this way. that's the reality. so it makes no sense to try to figure it out.., i mean if you can't know anyway then what's the point? driving yourself mad??

f-it

Thanks for replying, and i can really relate to a lot of the stuff you said. yeah, maybe i wont have everything figured out by my 30's (im only 16 now, so i sure as hell better of gotten SOMEthing figured out) but i just hope ill be able to find meds that work for me. like you said, you're currently medicated so it doesnt seem to matter much anymore. i quit my meds almost a year ago just wanting to figure this out on my own which i now see i clearly cannot do, its only worse everyday. lol, half an hour ago i deleted my myspace, uninstalled aim and turned off my cell phone. havnt done that before, don't know why i did or how long thats gonna last, but i do know i really need something to calm me down a bit. im kind of impulsive, havnt been having too many good thoughts lately. i've been in a sort of mixed state, those are the worse arn't they!? racing thoughts on top of depressive thoughts, it's when you can really drive yourself crazy. but.. im finally seeing another therapist soon, they said theyd get me in "early next week". thank god. anyway, i really appreciate the replies i've gotten so far etc. =)