Schizophrenia Forum - My Story: How I Fight My Illness

Please note: My English isn't my first language, sorry for the bad grammar

Hello all, first I like to say my heart is with u guys. I have been browsing through topics for some days in here now, and once again i learned more about my illness. It isn't some supernatural power or something else what causes all the symptoms but just my illness. I tell my story, and I hope it give u insight. Like the stories of yours gave me insight. And once again my hearth is with u guys

I am a 18 year boy, I got the illness before i turned 16. Somehow i think it was my own fault, i used allot of drugs. Hard drugs and weed, I researched my schizophranic and i have been noted several times it could be the weed. But two cousins of my family got the illnes to, including my mother.
Anyway on day i just collaped, I was depressed and totally confused. I still smoked, and If I now look back that wasn't really smart. On one day I quited, I remember the day verry well. I smoked some I was outside, and then once I saw this little black shadows. They were behind bins cars, just looking at me and talking about me. Maybe some months later i saw them again. At the same moment, i was allienating myself. I was playing mmorpgs all day, I couldn't watch tv verry well. I only watch'd Discovery because the other progammes try to harres me. Even music clips try'd to harres me. Thank god my friends pusht me to hang out, without them I would be sitting all day at home. Going out was really hard, Before i go out I jumped in bed for several hours. I didn't sleep tho, I pulled my cotton over my head. And just let my mind race thinking over everthing, hoping it would been calm down when im outside. To make it worse, people started to talk behind there back about me, they knew it wasn't alright with me. U couldn't blame them, I cant express myself. I was paranoid about my neighbours tv magazines papers and my own family. I had many complots like the school staff just really hated me. In my house there is a little statue, someday's i thought it was looking at me and hated me so bad. I fellt it like it was happy that i was suffering so much. I thought everyone hated me and that i was a loser, and that they like to see me suffer.
A year passed, and i failed class too. Still I wasn't convience that i hadn't this illnes it was all the people that though I had it. I went to vacation that summer with my parents, I was really not looking up to it. But it opent my eyes, the people were so nice there. The people didn't hate me, some people did but not all. After that i have been learning more and more. How i can handle this illnes. I found out the TV is just TV, that the statue is just a stupid statue. It isn't a supernatural power that hate me so bad, its just my diseasse. The last 2 years I have been trying to find out whats dillusion and whats not. For arround 6 months now i can fullfill in society, i can fullfill arround 60%-70% now. I can now supress my mood swing, and can handle any situation. Still i need days for my own, just to set my mind straight. I also learnt on this forum people cant read my mind, THEY JUST CANT. I learnt dozen and dozen things how i can handle this dissease, and still on this day i am learning new things. I am still paranoid about things, but everyday i learn
I am really loving life again, and everthing in it. I wont be and will be never be 100% mental healthy again. But I will reach the level that I can live with my illness 100%

I love u all with my heart,
this is a great relief for me to tell this, first time i told my story to someon
once again sorry for my bad english

NEVER !!, NEVER LOSE FAITH IN YOURSELF