Bisexual Husband (Page 4)

I am in the situation I just found out that my husband had had sex with men but not let them have sex with him he did it to them. We have been together for 4 years and married for 9 months with a young child. He has had some very disturbing things happen to him when he was a child that has affected him we are seeking counseling and he is going to a pyschotherapist. if you love him and you want it to work dont give up on him help him seek as much help as possible maybe he went through things as a child also... I love my husband and i have faith that he could change hopefully... im praying that he can. I just know im going to be by his side every step of the way to help him through this and you should also if you really love him and want your marriage to continue

To Godonmyside
I found ur answer encouraging and I'm impressed with how much u love him. Have u read my story, have he everdone things likes my husband? Do u have a supportive husband. At first when he admit to me that he commit sin as gay and ask me to pray for him. I believed that he wanted to change but till now he did not change and he never tell me what make him turn to Gay, from what I find out about his Gaydar profile. It seems to me that he wants to have fun but he kept all contact details of Gay man on his mobile. He is devoted christian who do daily devotion everyday whereas I'm different. He is a pastor's son so I'm not sure he does it as a habits or really listen to god's word. I love to read Roman Chapter 6 word 12. I admit that I'm a sinner especially I have a thought of asking God to punish him so he would learn his lesson. When I first find out , I felt that I was betrayed by my love one and totally disaapointment of my marraige and expecting the baby of his. I was 8 months old pregnant so how would u feel that instead of being love by ur husband but I have never got any supportive from him. Even on my delivery day, my water was broke and I ask him to pack things up for me. Instead of that he prepared things for himself as he got interview on that day so I did all things myself. during the time of contraction he seems to be worried , I guess not about me but he have to go for job interview so I let him go. I read Roman chapter 1: 26-29 and I saw the picture of my husband so clearly. If I ask my husband to see the phychologist he would not go as I know him well he think that it's nothing wrong with him but he put the blamed on me. He even tell his parents that I asked him to help to look after the son likes bathing. He think it's a mother's job. I thought if he helps me out my son would know that his father can also taking care of him. I try to look at his bright side and be nice with him but often we end up fighting , I admit that i can't stand with his insulted word on me and face expression that he did not care if I gonna cry or upset. My love has gone from him. Thanks

To Godonmyside
I found ur answer encouraging and I'm impressed with how much u love him. Have u read my story, have he everdone things likes my husband? Do u have a supportive husband. At first when he admit to me that he commit sin as gay and ask me to pray for him. I believed that he wanted to change but till now he did not change and he never tell me what make him turn to Gay, from what I find out about his Gaydar profile. It seems to me that he wants to have fun but he kept all contact details of Gay man on his mobile. He is devoted christian who do daily devotion everyday whereas I'm different. He is a pastor's son so I'm not sure he does it as a habits or really listen to god's word. I love to read Roman Chapter 6 word 12. I admit that I'm a sinner especially I have a thought of asking God to punish him so he would learn his lesson. When I first find out , I felt that I was betrayed by my love one and totally disaapointment of my marraige and expecting the baby of his. I was 8 months old pregnant so how would u feel that instead of being love by ur husband but I have never got any supportive from him. Even on my delivery day, my water was broke and I ask him to pack things up for me. Instead of that he prepared things for himself as he got interview on that day so I did all things myself. during the time of contraction he seems to be worried , I guess not about me but he have to go for job interview so I let him go. I read Roman chapter 1: 26-29 and I saw the picture of my husband so clearly. If I ask my husband to see the phychologist he would not go as I know him well he think that it's nothing wrong with him but he put the blamed on me. He even tell his parents that I asked him to help to look after the son likes bathing. He think it's a mother's job. I thought if he helps me out my son would know that his father can also taking care of him. I try to look at his bright side and be nice with him but often we end up fighting , I admit that i can't stand with his insulted word on me and face expression that he did not care if I gonna cry or upset. My love has gone from him. Thanks

I'm just dismayed by most of the replies here. Being bisexual is horrible because of comments like these. Close minded people like the people who replied are why bisexuals and gay people are forced to live in the closet. The original poster's husband sounds like he loves her very much. He just happens to be bisexual and while some bisexuals can be sexually monogamous in a marriage, I don't think it's usually hard to do and quite honestly unnatural. You're always suppressing a part of yourself. I don't care what any married bisexual says, the urges are always there because it's your nature. Maybe it's easier for some bisexuals because they fall differently on the Kinsey scale of sexuality but for most...it's a hard life. She needs to accept her husband for who he is and it seems that he never felt that she would or could. Otherwise, he would have trusted her enough to tell her more about who he is as a human being. I'm a woman and married, and I believe an understanding wife would accept her husband unconditionally. Stop being a square.

Curryspice, I find it so interesting that those who identify as bisexual or seem to have extensive knowledge on the subject always resort to the "straight spouse" needing to be more understanding. Here's a statement I found, which I love, sexuality is not a choice, but telling the truth is. I think its ridiculous to chastise her in any way for her concerns or fears. This is not about him trusting her, this is about trusting himself. Finding out your spouse is/may be/is curious etc. about the same-sex is like receiving a punch in the gut. You double over and can't catch your breath. Once you do, you evaluate the situation and hopefully can talk openly with eachother and possibly with a therapist. However, she deserves just as much, if not more, validation for her feelings and insecurities as he does.

In order to make a marriage work, BOTH people have to try to understand each other. When the straight partner finds out that her partner is gay or bisexual, one third of the time she immediately divorces him. Me are afraid of that, so that is part of why they hide their sexual orientation.

Curryspice, I tended to agree with you but not anymore. I have a bi husband who denies being bi because he says he can't do anal sex but he likes giving/receiving oral sex and handjobs (so he says). He is extremely good looking and very charismatic, he likes sports and loves working out. He says he loves me very much and so do I. He is a tough guy and will fight any guy who gives him a hard time. Nobody would ever know he is bi. I have been married to him for 17 years even though I found out he was bi a few months after we got married. He admitted it to me without me even asking. (We didn't date for too long and that was a mistake from my part, otherwise I would not have married him after knowing he was bi.) But I have been by his side all these years because he was open and honest. He says he has never been with another man since we have been married. I believed him. But in the last 8 years he has been working from home while I have to commute 2 hours every day to go to work. I recently caught an email of his where he told a guy he masturbated to his naked picture. I confronted him but he said he was thinking of a threesome, he was thinking of me he said. He said there is something about a threesome that turns him on. I also caught another email a year later about a craigslist post he had posted, telling other men that he was available weekdays from 10am til 3pm. If you are married to a bi-sexual spouse, you have to admit it... he is going to cheat on you whether you like it or not. Because in my case, I don't have a penis. It's that simple. I am 40 years old. The question is, should I wait another 17 years to then find out that at the end of the day, he prefers men over women? It's not that we are being squared-minded. We may be wasting our time with someone who may not want to be with us to begin with and sooner or later will end up leaving us and by then, we might have lost an opportunity to meet the man of our dreams. Do you get it? I don't know what to do in my case. As much as I love him and have so much fun with him, I think I have to leave him. I can get HIV or some other sexual illness from him, and all for what? Is it worth it? It is scary for me to leave him because I love him so much, but do I have a choice?

Wow, I am going through the same thing. Married 15 years and found out 3 months ago that my husband has also been doing things with other men. He did the craigslist ad also. It is so hurtful and scary. I have been grieving by myself and feel so alone. It is not something you can just talk to your family and friends about. I know women have gone through this and I would love to talk to some that are past the shock phase to see what they did to heal and how their marriages are now. Their are many more details in our marriage. We have had a good marriage and he said he would rather die than to be without me, but somedays I am the one that feels dead. I am so thankful I have the love and grace of God and he has carried me. Also we have four children that keep me going, some days I do not even want to get out of bed. I told my husband, I grieve for all the other wives who are going through this. The pain is so deep. You read craigslist and it is so disturbing and happening to so many women!

I have run a bisexual support group at an LGBT Center for many years, and am a bisexual activist, so I have met hundreds of bisexuals. Most are monogamous, some have open relationships, some are polyamorous. Bisexuals are quite capable of monogamy; I am bisexual and have been completely faithful to my husband for our entire 14-year marriage. However, he accepts my bisexuality, and although my activism means I am out spending time running the group, trusts me enough to know that I am not going to the group to hook up. Just as my husband prefers tall red heads, but controls himself, even though I am a mousy little brunette, we bisexuals can control ourselves, particularly if we have other outlets for our bisexuality, like going to bi support groups, Being involved in bi and LGBT causes, reading about bi issues on the Internet, having our bisexuality be accepted by the people who know us, etc.

Wow, I said those words this morning...my husband of 3 years, (who works overnights at a hotel) has apparently been having bi guests visit him almost nightly. I found an email left open, and everything unraveled from there.I said this morning that its hard enough to compete with another woman, but how can I compete with a penis? so many feelings right now, cant talk to anyone I know, too embarassed..any ideas?

This post is being reviewed to be sure that it adheres to our Community Guidelines.
Thanks for your patience!

There is a Yahoo group for straight spouses of bisexuals that you might find helpful -

Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work (MMOMW) is for those who are in mixed orientation marriages. Straight spouses who are married to gays or bisexuals and also the married gays and bisexuals themselves. The group welcomes all those in this situation no matter how they have decided to deal with this within their own marriage.

This is actually not a reply but something I wanted to share and get advice for. I have been married for 23 years with 4 children. Last year I stumbled upon some private messages that my husband is having with a previous co worker who is gay. I am pretty sure that he is not in a relationship with this gay guy but it seems that they are talking about different types of men and their private parts. It seems that he has gone to a place and has been with men. At that time he has been going to the gym a lot for hours on end and has been spending a lot of time in the internet/facebook. After my discovery I have been going with him to the gym and cant help but think that he is looking at all the men there. He stopped going to the gym for a while and now he is back.I have not confronted him since i read those messages last year. I have only told one friend and she said to just ignore it unless i found out for sure tha he is cheating because if i confront it might lead to divorce and I really want to protect my children.

devastated23(and all in this situation),
I am a happily married man with children and I love my wife. I also have sexual fantasies, some are for other men. Your first thought when finding out about your men was slightly bias, i think maybe your really hurt because he was keeping a secret from you. I have never pursued another man but have fantasized being with another man.
Recently I brought up the subject of sexual fantasies with my wife and we told each other our fantasies. I told her my fantasy of being with a man. I didn't want to but because i was embarrassed, but i just spit it out. I am not gay just very sexual. I could never be in a relationship with another man, I'm just not attracted that way.
When my wife found out we discussed it and found a way to involve each other in my newly discovered fantasy. We decided she could watch me while I'm with another man and even join in if she wants and she doesn't even have to touch him, she can just concentrate on me.
The key is to be open to exploring your husbands fantasies as long as your involved. So, confront your husbands when you find out, odds are he wants yo to know but is just to embarrassed to admit it. Hope I helped out and I am open to feedback positive or negative.

I hope the kind modersators at ehealth forum will allow this through, as there is so much pain on this board. If a man is truly gay, he cannot be aroused by a woman. SOmetimes gay men do marry due to social pressure or hoping the marriage will somehow turn them stright, and then it does not work. No woman should have to stay in a relationship with no intimacy. Bisexual men can be aroused by both women and men. Some lean more towards women, some lean more towards men. Many bisexual men can only be in love with a woman, and it is just sex with men. The best discussion of all this I have seen is at:

I Found out about my boyfriend by reading some emails... I asked, he confessed, I'm comfortable with him having these desires. He talks to other males online, says he's never met any of them but im not sure about that. Since then he has opened new accounts that I "don't know" about which makes me think he is meeting men for casual sex or whatever. The fact he wont let me look at any of his accounts which are numerous bothers the hell out of me. I'm constantly wondering who he is talking to what is being said. Exactly how much privacy is entitled to Him? I myself don't have anything to hide he can look at my emails or my phone anytime so I feel he should be the same way, if there is nothing to hide. he swears he has never acted on any desires and never will. I'm conflicted and hurt.. only cause I think he is not being completely honest. I don't know what to do...