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Bisexual Husband (Page 2)


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July 14th, 2009
Community Volunteer
kaylar wrote:
Why bother? It is not as if one has to stay together. I know women who left men because their drinking became a problem. How much more dangerous is this?


You are right, they DON'T have to stay together, but you seem to forget the commitments that go along with marriage. The original poster stated that while her man WAS looking, he had not touched...yet. Plenty of married couples have survived extramarital affairs, be they straight affairs or affairs of the bisexual kind.

kaylar wrote:
I have long since dismissed 'bi' as a myth. You ever hear of a homosexual cheating with a straight?
Yes, it happens all the time. They are not cheating with straights, they usually end up marrying straight people in an effort to conceal their sexuality. Then they cheat on their straight wife/husband with another gay woman/man. Thus, not only are they cheating on their spouse, they are also cheating on themselves.
Bisexuals are totally different in nature than homosexuals. Whereas a homosexual may marry a straight person in an effort to hide their true sexuality, bisexuals are comfortable with EITHER sex. A bisexual man is both attracted to women and men, a bisexual woman is both attracted to men and women. Homosexuals can "pretend" to be attracted to one of the opposite sex, but they are going against their built-in natural nature. Homosexuals can only be attracted to the same sex, at least on a sexual level. They are capable of going through the movements of straight sex, such as intercourse, but it does not mean they enjoy it, whereas a bisexual person would.
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replied July 14th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I hear rather a lot of a homosexual cheating with a straight. The term for it is "Switchback". It's kind of a huge issue for Lesbians.

Kaylar I'm not sure if I'm understanding you. Are you saying you believe they psychologically defined sexual preferrence of Bisexual is a myth?
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replied July 15th, 2009
Experienced User
If I were to aver homosexuality a choice, I'm sure I would be attacked. Yet bisexuality claims that very thing. The basic 'born that way' argument would be destroyed if sexuality was not fixed but choice.

If Jane can just as easily have sex with Ann as with Al, gaining just as much pleasure, then homosexuality would not be 'fixed'.

As Wolf mentioned with lesbians...question...are they lesbians? Was their relationship with another woman more an escape from bad experiences with men, and then a lack of sexual fulfillment sent them back?

As there is no 'gay gene' as the question of 'born that way' contra 'choice' is still debated.

In the present case it seems to me that the husband has been using his marriage as a 'beard'.

Simply put, sexual relations with a woman do not fulfill him, he is expressing his attraction for other men, which one assumes is not a recent trait.

A lot of people, male and female, did what society 'wanted' them to do. They got married and had children.

Now that they have fulfilled their 'payment' to society they no longer can suppress who they are.

Many homosexuals, as 'motherof..' mentioned above have
fulfilled this societal demand.

There is still debate about bisexuality. Put it simply,
a thirty year old might be experimenting, might be unsure, and go through this 'phase' and then elect to be one or the other.

The question here though is that a woman married a man she thought was straight. She lived with him, they had children, and now suddenly she realises she doesn't know him.

It is not just the sexuality which is the focus. For example, a chap married. After ten years, by accident he learned that his wife had been a prostitute.

In another case, it was only on his death that a wife learned her husband had been married to another woman when he married her.

It is the realisation that you don't know this person.
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replied July 21st, 2012
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replied July 16th, 2009
I have been married almost 17 years and also just found out about a hotmail account my husband had. I read email after email saying that he was 5 min away and couldnt wait to get there. There were all different apts and places to see men. Not one, many. Ive asked for a separation. Is it possible for us to stay married? We have two daughters 12 & 16. Apparently he has been bisexual all these years and I didnt know.
We havent had sex for ten years and when I tried he would be too drunk to participate. I blamed myself and I guess I just stopped trying. Here we are now, I'm feeling sick, Hes feeling desperate and we dont know where to turn. The worst part hes been my best friend all these years.
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replied July 16th, 2009
Experienced User
The worst part is that you don't know this guy. The worst part is that these 5 minute away men know him better than you do.

He was lucky that he got a free pass for ten years. Most women would have been rather suspicious after ten days.

The girls are better off without him, because they may never trust a man.
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replied July 19th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Dezi you can't be in a marriage with a man who cheats on you, especially if he denies you the sex you need for your own mental health. If he's been a friend for 10 years do what you need to to stay his friend. Divorce and set him free to pursue men or women openly. Find a man who desires you sexually.

Kaylar
I don't even know where to begin. If you refuse to use words as they exist in the dictionary, go you. If you don't believe in bisexuality but somehow think that there are people who can choose which gender they want to have sex with then I guess we're talking about the same thing, just one of us like dictionaries. If you believe homosexuality involves a choice I'd advise you to head down to your local !**@! bar, find a masculine gal attractive, pick her up go back to her place, make out at length with this woman, get aroused and reach a satisfying climax with her. If that's too much to ask, perhaps you should accept that there are just some people that don't have a choice about their sexual preference. I think it's absolutely necessary that we accept that people are turned on by what they are turned on by, and not believe that love or good intentions or all the work in the world will change that.
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Users who thank W0LF for this post: motherofhighspiritedones 

replied July 19th, 2009
Experienced User
uh huh
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replied July 28th, 2009
Experienced User
kaylar wrote:

I have long since dismissed 'bi' as a myth. You ever hear of a homosexual cheating with a straight?


Do you mean have we ever heard of a homosexual cheating with a woman? No, he is a homosexual and only has sex with men.

Of course you could mean have we ever heard of a homosexual cheating with a straight man? A homosexual will have sex with a straight man. Doesn't change his homosexual status though. He is still having sex with a man.

A straight man that cheats with a homosexual man is not a straight man he is bisexual. He has sex with men and women.

Call it whatever you want. A man that has sex with only men is socially classified as a homosexual. A man that has sex with men and women is bisexual and a man that is in a relationship with someone and steps outside of that relationship regardless of the gender he chooses to step out with is a cheater.

Seems to me that the cheater part should be the issue.
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replied July 28th, 2009
Community Volunteer
Jinjer wrote:
=. A man that has sex with only men is socially classified as a homosexual. A man that has sex with men and women is bisexual
I agree with everything you posted except for this. Some homosexual men will marry women, even have sex with them, in an effort to hide their homosexuality. Same goes with homosexual women. It does not change the fact that they are homosexual, they most likely find sex with the opposite sex a turnoff but are afraid of social reprocussions. Bisexual people find having sex with both sexes a turn on. That is the difference. However, a homosexual man or woman that has sex with their wife or husband, be it opposite sex or not, and then has sex with a same-sex partner IS a cheater, and cheating SHOULD be the issue. Thing is, homosexuals who marry straight partners and then cheat on that partner with a same-sex partner are not only cheating their partners, they are cheating themselves.
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replied July 28th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I'm sorry motherofhighspiritedones
It's not an issue of agree or disagree. The word "Gay" has a definition in the English language and it is the same in every dictionary published. That definition does not allow for the possibility of opposite-sex sexual attraction or sexual relations. Believe me there are a lot of words I think are poorly defined but I'm not in a position to argue against standard English. If you want to talk about it further you're welcome to IM with me.

To all else;
The topic of the tread is "bisexual" husband. Homosexuality should not dominate the discussion and the debate is distracting from the advice the poster needs.
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replied July 28th, 2009
Community Volunteer
I understand all the thing that you are saying, but I believe many men don't know who they are until they have tried out marriage...They were corrupted as a child and teen ager and this new way of love was incooperated into them...Just as men cannot stop masturbating, they cannot leave this old feeling behind them...How do you brand them?...A rogue or a man caught in the middle who doesn't know who in the hell that he is...He lives in pain...You all are looking at this like black and white and it isn't like this...It is deep sexual pain and not knowing who they are....
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replied July 28th, 2009
Experienced User
motherofhighspiritedones wrote:
Jinjer wrote:
=. A man that has sex with only men is socially classified as a homosexual. A man that has sex with men and women is bisexual
I agree with everything you posted except for this. Some homosexual men will marry women, even have sex with them, in an effort to hide their homosexuality. Same goes with homosexual women. It does not change the fact that they are homosexual, they most likely find sex with the opposite sex a turnoff but are afraid of social reprocussions. Bisexual people find having sex with both sexes a turn on. That is the difference. However, a homosexual man or woman that has sex with their wife or husband, be it opposite sex or not, and then has sex with a same-sex partner IS a cheater, and cheating SHOULD be the issue. Thing is, homosexuals who marry straight partners and then cheat on that partner with a same-sex partner are not only cheating their partners, they are cheating themselves.


Precisely.

So many people seem incapable of believing that a homosexual man can actually marry a woman, behave as if he is straight, fool everyone, and then, when he is ready,
reveal himself as a homosexual.

For example...Terry McMillian ...got her 'groove back' with a homosexual guy. She might have been the only person who didn't know the guy was gay, was only using her to get US citizenship. He never was straight...

Like an actor he can pretend and play straight, and a few folks might try to explain it as 'bi' when it's merely a homosexual marrying a woman for his personal reason.
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replied July 29th, 2009
Community Volunteer
dezi wrote:
I have been married almost 17 years and also just found out about a hotmail account my husband had. I read email after email saying that he was 5 min away and couldnt wait to get there. There were all different apts and places to see men. Not one, many. Ive asked for a separation. Is it possible for us to stay married? We have two daughters 12 & 16. Apparently he has been bisexual all these years and I didnt know.
We havent had sex for ten years and when I tried he would be too drunk to participate. I blamed myself and I guess I just stopped trying. Here we are now, I'm feeling sick, Hes feeling desperate and we dont know where to turn. The worst part hes been my best friend all these years.


The above post is similar to the original post on this thread...Many, including me, have been going off Topic...From now on I will be watching and correcting when I see this happening...Now back to this thread:

My answer: He was your best friend all those years and still is...He is who he is...He doesn't want to be this way, but for something that possibly happened along the way in life it did...This you must learn to accept because he will probably never change...But then I don't know this either...I lived in a family, my own, where my Father was bi-sexual...Back in those days these words were not spoken...My parents were not close...It was a terrible marriage.....As they aged they got closer, but he passed on at 59...I believe that something happened in his childhood that made him like this...I know this for a fact, but they stayed married...How sexual their relationship was I don't know, nor do I care...It will be up to you and your husband to decide whether you stay together...I can tell you one thing...I adore my husband...But as much as I love that man, I could not let him go...There is so much good in him that I would not let the hate of sexuality blind me...He is mine...I would never have sex again with him unless he changed, but he is mine...
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replied July 29th, 2009
Community Volunteer
When I wrote the above post, I put myself into the mind of this poor woman...She has been married 17 years..She has loved him all this time...She has two daughters 12 and 16 who love their parents...They are not aware of a problem as there has never been a problem...She accepted not having sex and he faked his way through this all these years...Now she has found out...Is she supposed to stop loving him less for this?...Does this sexual act that has not been taking place make that much difference at this point?....I am in love with my husband and the only difference is that we have had sexual love during this time.....However, what if my husband had lost the power of sex, 10 years ago....Would I love him less?...That answer is no...I do not promote this type of marriage, but I would definitely accept it...Only because I love him as she loves her husband...

Caroline
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replied July 29th, 2009
Experienced User
Caro...you probably know the story of that famous Brit writer who underwent a sex change operation...he was married ... continued to live with his wife as a sister... because they were best friends. Of course, his wife knew about him.

It would be like learning her husband had a prison record.
The feeling that everything was a 'lie' or that she never knew her husband...

It is the same kind of..."Who are You?"
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replied July 29th, 2009
hes playing U for a fool!! is this love? ask urself that then make a decision A WISE DISCISION
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replied July 29th, 2009
Community Volunteer
You know Kay, I have never thought of a subject as much as I did on this one last night...First and foremost was the fact that I had neglected to keep the posts on target...This upset me...I, too, had been drawn into this discussion of life...

Getting back to the post I am speaking about two people that had not had sex for ten years...This was an accepted fact in her marriage...She knew nothing of what he was doing and in other ways he was being a good husband...She wasn't missing what she wasn't getting...She was content...So what will she lose?..I believe some of the questions would be does he love this man or her?...Is he being used for the sexual satisfaction that a man alone knows what he is missing?..Men and women are wired very different...Personally, I feel sorry for them..They know one orgasm...We have many....For all we know there are many marriages like this...False on the inside and wonderful on the outside...I am speaking of this one instance with a woman with two children to raise and content with her best friend...I, too, speak about my best friend...

I guess if I was this woman I would try and figure out what he was missing in life...What sexual thing could she do to make this better?...Was she doing all that she could be as a wife or was there some inhibited part of her that was holding back?...Saying this, I also believe it was the man on man call of the wild from long ago or possibly youth when a part of him was taken that was pure....Or, just the way that he was born and struggles to make it right....
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replied July 29th, 2009
Experienced User
What I ponder was this ten years no sex thing...was it that
she was comfortable with it? Then living as brother and sister was not the problem. The problem is suddenly realising she didn't know this person.
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replied July 29th, 2009
Community Volunteer
This may be true, but she was satisfied not being satisfied...Her happiness was being with him...He brought her assurance that she was a happily married woman...She was content that he would get drunk and not want sex...Otherwise, she would have done something about this long ago...Any woman who enjoys sex would not have tolerated this...However, it does take some women years to truly understand the wants of sex...Not all of them are like we are...She was content and she still is content...She may not have known him, but he is her best friend...He is her best friend that gave her two daughters...And a home....And her own respectability....Now her dream that she had within herself has been shattered...Her problem being, do I stay with him and be happy knowing that he doesn't love me sexually and desires another person for sexual satisfaction...Or do I go? So Kay...What is love?...Is it the pleasure that two people get by being with each other for companionship?....Is it the conversation that goes with it?....Or is it some sexual passion that some men find mating that we cannot complete...
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replied July 29th, 2009
Experienced User
I agree with you Caro, if she wanted sex, ten days would have had her questioning, ten weeks, she'd be gone.

I know of couples in which the wife knew her husband was
that way, loved him just the same, they are best friends, and all the men in his life are just one night stands, who mean nothing. But I don't know how this poster is seeing it.

Is she seeing it as, Friday night is you...the rest of the week is us...or what.

I don't think it is the gay qua gay...I think it is...
Who Have I lived With All These Years? I don't know You!
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