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Q: Mom is hard drinker
asked by:
10
New User
But she's a hard drinker (well I'm sorry I don't know the right name in English)... and when she's drunk, she always mention my name, mostly complimenting and comparing OTHERS with me (notice the order please)... and she often yells at my stepfather. OK fine my dad wasn't good in the past and so do my step- brothers and sisters... but it doesn't mean my mom can always talk about the mistakes and faulties right? I feel stink, s*ck, and extremely sick almost every single moment my mom is talking to me now... kind of I'm hating her?! No I hope I'm NOT! Help me... I did several times thinking of dying; either suiciding or getting a severe disease such as brain cancer then dies. But often I feel wanna leave very far far far away from my COUNTRY!!! And I just can't, I don't know what the heck is that stopping me from furthering my study and/or getting into job
. Am I depressed? Or have been seriously depressed before (as I'm feeling quite better since I'm willing to share with you)? Thanks! 
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Replies(4)
yogahoneybunny
Supporter
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CarolDiane
Extremely eHealthy
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10
New User
1st of all, thanks to both of you, I'm so happy that I'm not a bad daughter! 
yogahoneybunny, my country is Malaysia.
And Carrie, I don't know if drinking alcohol is your custom, but it IS one of our longtime and might be endless custom, so it seems impossible for my mom to fully quit drinking... but I hope the amount can be reduced to 1-3 regular-sized glass(es), or 1-2 tin(s) only.
Sorry I edited this post as I forgot to ask if you both mean this URL:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
... is that one? If yes, I can't find Malaysia here....
I understand the need of alcohol in our culture, and my mom actually has been trying hard to stop drinking, and she's better now. But her 'behaviour' when she's drunk, or has taken some alcohols; is very disturbing to me! And since last 2006, I noticed I always feel disgusted everytime she talks to me, even for a question that's as simple as "Have you taken your launch yet?"! I know very well how rude is that, but I don't know how to solve it. The more I avoid, the more my mom and I get hurt.
I'm not anti-drinkers though. I'm fine with others who drink, or even those natural drinkers. Exception when they behave impolitely of course.
But with my mom, I really wish she forgets me once she drinks, then only remember me back when she's 'normal' again. I'm hoping the same to my dad as he also often talks about me while drinking alcohol, and I simply hate it much more than you can think of! If others ask 1st, fine. But they're over-complimenting me, and usually nobody's asking!
My feelings get mixtured. And I just can't balance my mind and heart... it's causing headache pain you know. What's more, last year I started to feel I'm losing my past memories, and I can't believe it's normal for a young lady at early 20s... Maybe I'm trying to forget all those bad memories between me & my mom; and my dad & my mom... but unfortunately, almost ALL were now gone!
These all drive me crazy!!!
P/S: Sorry for all the exclamation marks...
yogahoneybunny, my country is Malaysia.
And Carrie, I don't know if drinking alcohol is your custom, but it IS one of our longtime and might be endless custom, so it seems impossible for my mom to fully quit drinking... but I hope the amount can be reduced to 1-3 regular-sized glass(es), or 1-2 tin(s) only.
Sorry I edited this post as I forgot to ask if you both mean this URL:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
... is that one? If yes, I can't find Malaysia here....
I understand the need of alcohol in our culture, and my mom actually has been trying hard to stop drinking, and she's better now. But her 'behaviour' when she's drunk, or has taken some alcohols; is very disturbing to me! And since last 2006, I noticed I always feel disgusted everytime she talks to me, even for a question that's as simple as "Have you taken your launch yet?"! I know very well how rude is that, but I don't know how to solve it. The more I avoid, the more my mom and I get hurt.
I'm not anti-drinkers though. I'm fine with others who drink, or even those natural drinkers. Exception when they behave impolitely of course.
But with my mom, I really wish she forgets me once she drinks, then only remember me back when she's 'normal' again. I'm hoping the same to my dad as he also often talks about me while drinking alcohol, and I simply hate it much more than you can think of! If others ask 1st, fine. But they're over-complimenting me, and usually nobody's asking!
My feelings get mixtured. And I just can't balance my mind and heart... it's causing headache pain you know. What's more, last year I started to feel I'm losing my past memories, and I can't believe it's normal for a young lady at early 20s... Maybe I'm trying to forget all those bad memories between me & my mom; and my dad & my mom... but unfortunately, almost ALL were now gone!
These all drive me crazy!!!
P/S: Sorry for all the exclamation marks...
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yogahoneybunny
Supporter
Dear 10,
Good for you! You found the Al-Anon website. That is the right one.
Alcohol can be an integral part of a culture, but it does not make getting drunk OK. In fact, being drunk is humans at our worst. We separate from each other, ourselves, and from God. I understand that drinking together is a social pressure. But sometimes we do not know when to draw the line and say that enough is enough. I have lived in cultures all over the world and have to tell you that I can trust people who do not drink more than I trust people that do. What is it exactly about drinking in Malaysia that people tolerate? I am interested in knowing more.
It is completely normal for you to feel embarrassed by your parents behavior. And feel distanced and angry with them when they are not drinking. Perfectly normal.
In order for you to move beyond this, you should be ready to take some steps. In Al-Anon, these are called the 12 steps to recovery. To learn if the program might be for you, take this quiz and let us know...we will help you get linked to the program and start to understand a little more about you and your parents process.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/questions.h tml
Yours truly,
Yoga
Good for you! You found the Al-Anon website. That is the right one.
Alcohol can be an integral part of a culture, but it does not make getting drunk OK. In fact, being drunk is humans at our worst. We separate from each other, ourselves, and from God. I understand that drinking together is a social pressure. But sometimes we do not know when to draw the line and say that enough is enough. I have lived in cultures all over the world and have to tell you that I can trust people who do not drink more than I trust people that do. What is it exactly about drinking in Malaysia that people tolerate? I am interested in knowing more.
It is completely normal for you to feel embarrassed by your parents behavior. And feel distanced and angry with them when they are not drinking. Perfectly normal.
In order for you to move beyond this, you should be ready to take some steps. In Al-Anon, these are called the 12 steps to recovery. To learn if the program might be for you, take this quiz and let us know...we will help you get linked to the program and start to understand a little more about you and your parents process.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/questions.h tml
Yours truly,
Yoga
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