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If Not Abortion, Then...what?

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sillyakchick

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If Not Abortion, Then...what?
Posted: 12-31-07 15:40pm

We all (well almost all) would agree that there are some times when abortion is a good decision to make. We just seem to disagree which situations this pertains to. I am going to draw a scenario, and then you get to dream up a realistic "plan B" to abortion. OK? Here goes:

A fourteen year old girl lives in a devout religious family where there is never any discussion of sex. they do not do TV and movies and recreate and socialize mostly with only members of the same church community which adheres to the same types of strict rules. The children go to school at the church where they learn only church-sanctioned information. Discussion of sex is reserved only for pre-marriage counseling, and never before. Somehow, a boy in this group, let's call him Adam, is told by a distant cousin he saw over the holidays about putting his penis into a girl's vagina and how good it feels for a man to do this. Disgusted and intrigued, he goes to his bedroom to simulate this activity with his hand. Having discovered that there is true pleasure in this, he decides to convince a 14 year old girl (let's call here Eve) that this is fun for her, too. They agree to try it one afternoon and Eve finds it frightening and painful but doesn't mention it to anyone. She feels shameful and despondent but does not know why, and a few months later Eve begins to notice that she doesn't feel very well, and that she is gaining a bit of weight. Eve's mother takes her to their local physician who confirms that Eve is indeed 3 months along into a pregnancy. Eve is frightened by this, having not even realized what she had done and wants it to all be over. Eve wants nothing to do with this baby, Adam, or her father and mother. She just wants it all to go away. She discovers from a girl on the bus that there is a proceduer available called a medical abortion and can be done without her parents knowing about it. She writes to her grandmother in Claifornia, tells her of her plight, and Grandma sends her the money and she gets an abortion. Eve is relieved when she tells her parents that she had a really bad period and feels unwell and does not tell them that she had a medical abortion induced. Eventually this incident fades from their memories and the community forgets the whole thing. Except Eve. When she graduates from High School she tells her parents about the whole incident and they disown her.

So what instead of abortion should she have done in this circumstance, knowing that the parents would have disowned her and the young boy at the age of 14 had they known.
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Birch

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Posted: 12-31-07 15:50pm

I always think that if your parents are going to disown you when you need them the most then you are better off without them in your lives anyways.
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sillyakchick

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Posted: 12-31-07 15:53pm

True, but what choices does a 14 year old have in life without a family. Not too many I would imagine.
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Cambion

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Posted: 12-31-07 16:54pm

She could have done what many knocked-up teen girls have done with unwanted pregnancies - hide the pregnancy and dispose of the baby in a dumpster. Since abortion, to the Catholics is the epitome of evil, leaving a baby to die must be more humane than killing it in the uterus. (/sarcasm)
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msrosie

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Posted: 12-31-07 18:29pm

I think she did the right thing in aborting, but she shouldn't have told her parents.
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Birch

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Posted: 12-31-07 20:52pm

msrosie wrote:
I think she did the right thing in aborting, but she shouldn't have told her parents.


I think it's best when everyone knows the true nature of other humans.

Ah, honesty. Refreshing.
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nightangel73

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Posted: 12-31-07 22:47pm

I think the parents should have not disown her when she tells about the incident because it clearly shows that they did bigger mistake as parents to not watch out what her 14 year old girl is doing. How does this girl get to hang out alone with a boy in a private place to be having sex? This is example of irresponsible parenting, shame on them.
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Tylanas

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Posted: 12-31-07 23:46pm

Birch wrote:
msrosie wrote:
I think she did the right thing in aborting, but she shouldn't have told her parents.


I think it's best when everyone knows the true nature of other humans.

Ah, honesty. Refreshing.

Yeah, I honestly don't think it was smart to tell them.. at least until she'd used them for college money! That's something you confess on their death bed or something. No, keeping secrets isn't good but in this case there was more harm in telling than keeping it. Sometimes a secret is a good thing. It feels good to come clean, but only when the response is positive. If you know it's going to be negative - as in this case - then you shouldn't tell.
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Tylanas

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Posted: 12-31-07 23:47pm

nightangel73 wrote:
I think the parents should have not disown her when she tells about the incident because it clearly shows that they did bigger mistake as parents to not watch out what her 14 year old girl is doing. How does this girl get to hang out alone with a boy in a private place to be having sex? This is example of irresponsible parenting, shame on them.


That too. respect
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Jincks013

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Posted: 01-01-08 07:12am

nightangel73 wrote:
I think the parents should have not disown her when she tells about the incident because it clearly shows that they did bigger mistake as parents to not watch out what her 14 year old girl is doing. How does this girl get to hang out alone with a boy in a private place to be having sex? This is example of irresponsible parenting, shame on them.


Your joking here I hope. NA.You to Eiri. do you have teenagers? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be right at their side 24 hours a day 7 days a week? They ARE teenagers. They are experts at being where they shouldn't and screw everyone who thinks all of us teenagers parents are bad aweful people who don't care about our kids, as you imply, or are irresponsible for letting a 14 year old have some time to herself.

After all no way should I ever have trusted my teenage daughter to make decisions all on their own; I should always be suspicious of them; never allowing them a moment of privacy; never letting them grow on their own; never respecting them.
I am such a sucky bad irresponsible parent for doing those thing that my daughter is well ahead of her yearmates.
Go annoy someone else for awhile.

target Evil or
Very Mad
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oopoopoop

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Posted: 01-01-08 09:00am

Sex education and availability of contraception worked for me.
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nightangel73

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Posted: 01-01-08 10:31am

Jincks013 wrote:


Your joking here I hope. NA.You to Eiri. do you have teenagers? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be right at their side 24 hours a day 7 days a week? They ARE teenagers. They are experts at being where they shouldn't and screw everyone who thinks all of us teenagers parents are bad aweful people who don't care about our kids, as you imply, or are irresponsible for letting a 14 year old have some time to herself.

After all no way should I ever have trusted my teenage daughter to make decisions all on their own; I should always be suspicious of them; never allowing them a moment of privacy; never letting them grow on their own; never respecting them.
I am such a sucky bad irresponsible parent for doing those thing that my daughter is well ahead of her yearmates.
Go annoy someone else for awhile.

target Evil or
Very Mad


Let me see here. I recall well when I was 14 and I was no expert in being where I shouldn't. Okay so I went to school and in school I couldn't possibly have sex and then after school I was home. I hanged out with my my neighbor girlfriend the rest of the day. If I were going to parties or pajama parties I had to ask permission to my parents which would be aware at what time I'm coming home and with whom and my mom would be still awake until I am home to make sure I came home alright. Typically I always went with my neighbor girl friend. In all the parties I went I can't recall of a place to have sex even if I wanted. I had no bf's so I guess that helped too even thought it wouldn't had crossed my mind having sex even if I had one. But shall I had a bf I know my mom would have been extra suspicious and would make sure I had no opportunities to have sex with him begining with not letting me go out alone with him in a place where I could have sex. At 14 you don't have a license to drive so I could think the only way I could date a guy back them if is his mom drives the boy to my house and well my mom would be there to check out. Or if my mom drops us at a public place and she would pick us up too. So my mom knew where I was going at that age 24/7 and I never felt she was taking away my privacy or not letting me grow. I grew very well and I was a 4.0 at school and I had lots of fun.


Don't confuse doing yur job as a parent than to that of taking away their privacy. You can watch your kids while you let them grow.
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sillyakchick

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Posted: 01-01-08 11:51am

I was trying to paint the picture that because of their lack of education they had no idea whatsoever what they were doing. The parents would not have worried about them being together since they knew nothing of sex.
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msrosie

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Posted: 01-01-08 13:10pm

Even with attentive parents, it's not that hard to sneak something. I had attentive parents and I can think of situations where I could have had sex, should I have wanted to. For instance, we used to go for bike rides all the time, I could have met some guy somewhere and got it on. My parents went out sometimes and after a certain age we didn't have babysitters, I could have gone out to meet someone. It wouldn't have been that hard.

Now, having parents that were attentive and involved in our lives, I never had the desire to have sex as a young teen, and I think far fewer teens would be doing the horizontal mambo if their parents were more involved. My parents fully acknowledged they could not watch us 24/7 and even if they could, they said to have or not have sex had to be our choice. So, they armed us with knowledge on how to protect ourselves. Neither one of us took that as carte blanche to go out and do everyone in sight.
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Birch

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Posted: 01-01-08 14:02pm

Eiri wrote:
Birch wrote:
msrosie wrote:
I think she did the right thing in aborting, but she shouldn't have told her parents.


I think it's best when everyone knows the true nature of other humans.

Ah, honesty. Refreshing.

Yeah, I honestly don't think it was smart to tell them.. at least until she'd used them for college money! That's something you confess on their death bed or something. No, keeping secrets isn't good but in this case there was more harm in telling than keeping it. Sometimes a secret is a good thing. It feels good to come clean, but only when the response is positive. If you know it's going to be negative - as in this case - then you shouldn't tell.


I see a positive response. There is learning all around.

I always think it's best to not live in a fantasy world.

For what it's worth, my uber-controlling parents who made me ask permission to breathe could have been snuck around nonetheless.
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Tylanas

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Posted: 01-01-08 15:10pm

Jincks013 wrote:
nightangel73 wrote:
I think the parents should have not disown her when she tells about the incident because it clearly shows that they did bigger mistake as parents to not watch out what her 14 year old girl is doing. How does this girl get to hang out alone with a boy in a private place to be having sex? This is example of irresponsible parenting, shame on them.


Your joking here I hope. NA.You to Eiri.

I'm dead serious. I do not think parents should EVER disown their children. I also think the abortion was the SMARTEST choice that girl could have done. It's too bad her parents are brain-washed fools, and that's why she shouldn't have told them.
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nightangel73

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Posted: 01-01-08 15:21pm

Eiri wrote:

I'm dead serious. I do not think parents should EVER disown their children. I also think the abortion was the SMARTEST choice that girl could have done. It's too bad her parents are brain-washed fools, and that's why she shouldn't have told them.



Well I tell you something Eiri. If I had say 2 children and one of the chooses to disobey me and as they grow old really doesn't care about me and the other child makes me proud and takes care of me in my old age I will for sure make a change in my will to leave all my money to the one child that did that much for me. I wouldn't like to die and then the bad kid just come to my funeral to get my money. I personally will make my will upon those who take care of me and honor me, even if they are not necessarily my own family members.
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yodavater

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Re: If Not Abortion, Then...what?
Posted: 01-01-08 15:34pm

sillyakchick wrote:

So what instead of abortion should she have done in this circumstance, knowing that the parents would have disowned her and the young boy at the age of 14 had they known.

Your story doesn't make it clear why the parents disowned her, was it for the pregnancy or for the abortion?

But to answer your question, if her parents would've disowned her over the pregnancy, then she'd be better off in a group home for unwed moms.
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meblonde01

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Posted: 01-01-08 15:37pm

I think there are times that a parent needs to dis-own their child. With some kids that is the only way they learn that they can not take advantage of you. Nightangle is right.
If a child thinks no matter what they do they will get anything they want They will continue to do it. Sometimes tuff love is the best way to teach them.
Dis-owning a child doesn't mean it has to be forever!
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sociable_recluse

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Posted: 01-01-08 16:07pm

meblonde01 wrote:
Sometimes tuff love is the best way to teach them.


Yeah like when my mother disowned me for NOT aborting when i was 22, yep it taught me not to trust her with the important things in life and be secretive and just get on with it

Quote:
Dis-owning a child doesn't mean it has to be forever!


Yeah, again like my mother who decided that the disowning was over as soon as i popped my son out and then has lectured me for the past almost 6 years on how best to bring him up, and also buy baby clothes during the pregnancy despite the disowning.

Way to make your kids resentful.
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