Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1122 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 16
Thanked:5
I Left My Hubby On Sunday.....i Am So Lost. Posted: 12-31-07 10:49am
Well, ladies I moved out of our apartment
together. I packed all of my stuff in the
back seat of my car and I left yesterday
morning. I gave him a kiss on his
shoudler and I didnt wake him up and I
left. I am so sad and depressed. I miss
him, I miss his smell. I miss his smile
and I miss talking to him about everything
and its only been a day.
This has been coming for a long time. I
have become second in the relationship and
that just isnt ok for me anymore. My last
straw was when he got fired on thursday,
now I have been supporting him since
august due to an injury. Well he just got
a new job and he got himself fired on
purpose. He didnt like the work he was
doing and I guess it didnt bother him that
I am in debt because of him not working in
the past. So that was my turning point. I
realized that he would never care enough
that he would never want what I wanted and
so I moved away from him.
He is smoking pot all of the time. He
hasnt been sober in 3 weeks. He brings
drugs to our house when I ask him not to.
He will not slow down. He smokes while
driving, he doesnt respect me when I ask
him to keep it away from me. He has told
me : "I will get high when ever the f@!$
I want to, where and when I want to. I
was willing to meet him halfway. I told
him to just get high occasionally, or when
he was out with his buddies I just didnt
want drugs around all the time. He wasnt
even willing to agree to that. He said he
wants to get high all the time and that I
am in the wrong because I was putting
boundaries and rules on him. So I left.
We were fighting all of the time, nothing
was enjoyable. I even started to use
drugs with him so we could have something
in common. And that is bad. I cannot let
myself go down like that. We didnt agree
on anything. This hurts so much, why
couldnt he love me more? Why do the drugs
mean more to him than us? That is the
biggest pain, is that I am second to his
friends and his fun.
Our problems started back in Sept. His
friend Doug moved in with us. Things
started to get really strained because
Doug didnt work, he didnt clean, he was
with us all the time. The only alone time
we had was while we were having sex. So I
talked to him and told him that I needed
more of him and that we needed to be
together alone sometimes and if he could
tell Doug to take the car some days and
leave us alone. That happened for a week,
then the same things started again. now
this whole time Daniel is not working and
neither is Doug. I am supporting the
entire household. They stay up all night
and sleep all day. Daniel didnt even
sleep in bed with me unless I asked him
to. SO I made Doug leave. Things were
great for awhile and then he started to
smoke pot. Everything spiraled after that
and that is what led me to leave. I
beleive that Doug is the reason.
Something made Daniel change and Doug is
all I can think of
I am lost. I know I have done the right
thing and I know that I will be ok. it
just hurts
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eddiemcm
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 2
Reply From a Guy Posted: 12-31-07 11:45am
Sounds like you had plenty of reason to
abandon this one way relationship.
Don't cry for leaving this self centered
loser.Use your energy to make your
life better.Been there-done that.
Good luck
Eddie
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1122 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 16
Thanked:5
Posted: 12-31-07 12:09pm
Thanks for the replys. I hope we can make
it work later, only if he changes. Once I
am finished with seperating the bills and
porperty I will just leave him be. Let
him grow up. I will do my own thing, get
my own place and finish school. If he
wants the life that I want then he can
find me. It will probably be too late. I
know this sounds foolish, but right now
that is the lie I am telling myself so I
can get through. Deep down I feel like it
wont happen. But I need something to hang
on to for at least these first few weeks.
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PixieKat
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Posts: 201 Location: UT,
Posted: 12-31-07 12:18pm
You deff had a good reasion to leave him.
I know its hard, but it will be for the
better. Use what ever you can to keep
ahold of yourselft, even if you know its
never gunna happen.
Good luck to you!
I hope you find a dream guy in your
future.
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1122 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 16
Thanked:5
Posted: 12-31-07 12:30pm
is there such a thing as a dream guy? i
am starting to think that its all fake,
that there is no such thing as true love.
sorry i know, I am just bitter and
depressed
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love_pinkish
Supporter
Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 711 Location: Hot, LA USA
Thanks: 5
Thanked:14
Posted: 12-31-07 13:06pm
I think there is. I've been through a lot
with other guys and here comes Jeremy (my
now fiance) After the last guy i was with
I never thought I'd find someone with all
the qualities I need in a man and who'd
have the up most respect for me and my
feelings. Jeremy is just that person.
Trust me Hun Mr. Right will come along. I
make take a while because it took forever
for me but he will come. Just take time
to heal and spend time with your family
and the people who support you and your
decision.
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PixieKat
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Posts: 201 Location: UT,
Posted: 12-31-07 13:20pm
I agree with love_pinkish, and im a strong
beleave in a true love
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love_pinkish
Supporter
Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 711 Location: Hot, LA USA
Thanks: 5
Thanked:14
Posted: 12-31-07 13:21pm
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Strumphette
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Dec 2007 Posts: 88
Posted: 12-31-07 14:58pm
In my opinion, he had this coming and you
deserve so much better. Someone who will
treat you right, love you over anything
else, and work (in a job as well as
relationship) to help build a life
together.
You are a strong woman to have gone
through that and left. I hope you can stay
strong and stay away from him (unless he
does a complete 180 and turns into someone
who'll appreciate you and not the drugs).
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jaynemae
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2007 Posts: 51 Location: Washington, USA
Posted: 12-31-07 15:19pm
i'm sorry that this is all going on for
you. i hope you are able to find some
stability and get all the bad things out
of your life. you seem like a very strong
person with what i have read about your
previous posts and this relationship. you
did try to make it work, but it takes two
people to make a relationship. good luck.
don't beat yourself up about any of this.
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1122 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 16
Thanked:5
Posted: 12-31-07 16:11pm
all of your words mean the world to me.
It helps to know that there are all you
people who care.
Its hard though and I am in so much pain.
But I know that I have to save myself. No
one will ever be able to do that for me.
I have been at my bottom before on my own
doing and I will be damned if someone else
is going to take me down. So yeah I know
I sound strong and hard but inside I am
scared and shaking. I have been a nervous
wreck and I cant sleep or eat. I am
having panic attacks again.
But this is part of the healing process
and time does heal. So for any other
woman going through what I have been
through : Stay strong and do whats right
for you. Its the hardest choice you can
make, but its the right thing.
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Strumphette
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Dec 2007 Posts: 88
Posted: 12-31-07 16:16pm
You can do it, and you'll be stronger for
going through this.
I hope your days get better and better.
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LainieNY
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 31
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-31-07 16:29pm
A break up in a marriage or relationship,
is like having a death in the family. We
hurt & mourn, then, we pick ourselves
up, wipe the dust off our arse and start
our lives over.
Don't kick yourself for not doing it
sooner, or leaving. You did the right
thing, sometimes love can hurt us. This
relationship, was the type to destroy.
Don't think of what it could of been,
think what it was. It was 1 way & you
were his door mat. You did the right
thing, time will show you that.
A New Year, a new chapter in life.
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1122 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 16
Thanked:5
Posted: 12-31-07 16:50pm
Amen to New Beginings! There must be some
force working with me in all of this.
What a perfect time to start my new life.
School starts again in Jan, and I will be
full time. So I wont have any time to do
almost anything but study and work full
time. I cant be going home to drugs and
all of those problems, how would I ever
handle anything?????
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Hart74
Moderator
Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 532 Location: Woodlands (not like there are woods anywhere near) Garden City ,
Thanks: 9
Thanked:7
Posted: 12-31-07 22:10pm
Honey you have made the right decision, I
know that you love him. Since you've
moved, hope that this will make it a wake
up call for him. You're a good person
since you let him and his friend stay
there with you supporting them. All the
best to you hun, take care and hapi new
yr.
Love Hart74
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 01-02-08 05:23am
Not that it matters in the scheme of
things, but you seem to think so low of
people who smoke pot, yet you did it to
"have something in common with him"? I
smelled caca in that part of your post.
But whatev.
Anyway, to me it just seems like he wasn't
very responsible and you were two
different people. Stop saying "If he
changes....". He didn't when you were
together, he won't now or in the future.
Move on.
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1122 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 16
Thanked:5
Posted: 01-02-08 09:24am
Jude-Love, wow you are harsh, but in a
good way. Thanks for that. I have had a
double standard with him. I admit it. I
wasnt willing to admit it until he called
me on my caca. If I do it its ok, but he
cant without me. Its complicated. But the
bottom line is that I want him to do all
of these things, but I am not willing to
do them myself. We have talked since I
left and i have a lot of things that I
need to work on with myself. Why am I
expecting this from him when I cant give
it myself. I have an appt to see a
therapist next Friday and he asked if he
could come along. So we will attend the
counseling and get all of the elephants we
have out in the open. This needs to
happen for me and for him and for our
relationship. If we grow seperately then
thats ok, if we grow as a couple then that
would be great.
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 01-02-08 14:16pm
Counseling is a really good idea,
actually.
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lele25
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 497 Location: Southland, USA
Thanks: 22
Thanked:37
Posted: 01-06-08 00:53am
I'm sorry your having to go through all of
this, but it sounds as though you made the
best decision for YOU and that's what
matters. I am sure that everything will
work out for you. Good Luck!
