Hello,

I am new to this board. It's nice to meet all of you. I am bipolar II, and I also have severe asthma and COPD. I am also prone to severe anxiety attacks and major depressive lows. For some reason, the anxiety attacks and depression seem to go hand in hand.

Years ago, before I was ever diagnosed, I attended law school and graduate school, and to pay my way through I took out well over a hundred thousand dollars in educational loans. Finally, after years of debilitating depression and manic mood swings, I was diagnosed as having bipolar II. It certainly explains why I cannot hold a job. Whenever I have tried to work, I get this trapped feeling like I cannot breathe and I panic and simply stop being able to function in life. It's like I have a nervous breakdown every time I try to hold down a job, any type of job. Thing is, I've got all those student loans to pay back. I cannot practice law because of the bipolar thing, and on top of all my bipolar problems, I now have severe breathing problems.

I am scared of being alone. Whenever my husband (who works third shift) goes off to work at night, or even if he just goes up to bed during the day to lay down, I panic. My thoughts start racing and I feel as if I'll lose my mind if I don't make contact with another human being-even if it's just through the Internet. Late afternoons are the worst for some reason. I just go from room to room pacing like a caged animal, trying to calm down.

I do take medications, but I'm not sure they're working anymore. I take Paxil 20 mg and Zyprexa and Xanax and Klonopin. I've tried Seroquel (very upset stomach) and Symbyax (same side effect).

I am currently enrolled in college, trying to earn an associate's degree in medical billing and coding. I don't know whether I'll be able to work if and when I finish the degree. I'm having a very hard time just going to school, and I desperately do not want to go back next semester. The stress from the classes is terrible and is acting like a huge trigger. I've never been able to hold down a job, and I don't doubt that working as a medical coder will end up with me quitting again.

I would desperately like some advice. Should I keep trying to go to school to try to get a job, or should I face the music: I'm bipolar II, I have other severe health problems, and I'll never be able to work in this lifetime. Should I pursue a disability discharge for the student loans? Should I file bankruptcy and claim severe hardship for the student loans so that there's a chance they might be discharged?

I am at the end of my rope. I have myself in such a mess in life that I don't know what to do. Please offer some advice as to how you would handle this situation. Thank you so very much.