hello, i'll try to make this short

I've been married to my husband for almost three years now and we've always had problems since we dated but we always worked through them and they made us stronger, so we thought. Well I can't stand bringing him out in public because he has now care for other people so if we get into an argument he will raise his voice, and I try to calm him down and not create a scene, that makes him more angry that I actually care what other people think, and he goes on to make fun of my even more in front of everyone, it really humiliates me and Ive told him this he thinks its MY problem that I need to work on , not his.

Now he is a really smart man hes in engineering and is always using his brain, and this is why we have problems. When we argue or fight he will ALWAYS win because he has a silver tongue and knows what to say to get his way. Everything to him has to be logical reasons to do something. For example, i have been arguing him to not smoke pot since day one, he says as soon as i come up with a real logical reason for not smoking he will stop!! I have told him it's not good for his health, dangerous for his job, dangerous is caught with it and these he says are not logical enough. We have a pretty good rule about it where he will ask me before he does, but last night after i went to bed he was downstairs smoking, he didnt even ask me!

We get in several heated arguments, they are ALWAYS about me and how I act health forum, which is true, i do act health forum but not so much that is causes all the fighting. He usually pins me to the bed by sitting on me and holds my arms down and screams in my face usually slapping me around if i do not respond respectfully to him when he speaks. when he does this I have no love in my heart for him, i hate him with every bone in my body. The only way to end those kind of fights are for me to agree with whatever comes out of his mouth (and not fake it), usuallyI fake it but don't let him know. We have fought like this many times about pot too.

He got on my ass about not being as sexually driven as he is, and complained that i have no sex drive at all. I told him that it's becaus of his behavior and he blew up saying that I need to suck it up and stop being a little girl and deal with it like he has to deal with my all the time health forum.

On top of this, if he is not in an angry rage he is the complete opposite, completely annoying, constantly tapping on things, being loud and obnoxious, overly happy and wanting to kiss me and hold me all the time, I can't stand having the extremes of both, i want somewhere in the middle.

I read a book about abusive men and it said something about they always make you feel like its your fault, thats how it is everyday for me.

I won't divorce him or cheat on him. He refuses counseling, and he would flip if he knew i was on here now seeking advice, so what can i do?