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disappointed by husband

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Have anyone feel dissapointed before? I have I found out that my husband bought a new set of tyres and rims for his brand new car which he claims to be ours. I don't car much about the value of the money but I felt dissapointed that he have to do it sneakily behind my back - I only found out about it when I checked our bank account. I felt left out, I'm the last one to know, I got no one to talk to about it except here. He said that I got no right to argue about it since I bought a lot of stuff, I said I did that with his permission and knowleadge. It might look like a small problems to anyone else but to me it's a big one, he doesn't include in as his other half.
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replied December 29th, 2007
Experienced User
I Really Feel What U Feel Now
may be as u said its small problem to some people but i feel the same feeling when some thing like that happen with me . i feel it when my fiance buy some stuff on our new apartment i feel its no need for it and he said the same to me that i not have the right to argue with him with direct way but in the end he said it to me with nice way i first i feel its big problem but after time i try to forget it cause i try to make my self busy with another thing and forget that one and the life go on so try to dont bother ur self and he already buy it so u cant change it so no need to tired ur self with argue with him
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replied December 29th, 2007
i think it is important in a relationship to consider each other in all matters,however, sometimes you have to know when to give some space to the ones you love. At times i smother my husband because i expect so much of him and alot of the time, i find myself disappointed. I think we need to step back a little and try harder . It depends on if your husband does this all the time, never considering you for when a decision needs to be made. you have to write down the pro and cons- see what is really bothering you. Maybe it's a good thing, that he takes the time to care for your new car- if it is new why does it need new tires and a rim? well maybe he is so happy because maybe both of you finally could afford that car he wanted so much. Be happy together-don't get mad, make the point to talk about making decisions togethor on the big things...that you will let this one slide , with a smile or joke- don't harbor on the small things-pick your battles- learn to forgive and know women are a whole lot stronger than men - so just move on - and tell him you still love him.
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replied December 29th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
i would be MAD
thats both of your money
he definatley should have confided in you about it first Sad

im so sorry tini
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replied December 29th, 2007
i totally agree with you. its one thing to go out and have fun and spend some money. but when its a big decison like rims and tires for a car that is group decision right there. i would definately be mad if my boyfriend did something crazy like that.
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replied December 30th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Thanks guys, I know it may be a small matter to him it's nothing to be fuss about but as for me whatever I do I consider the other party feeling, blessings and opinion - that's what it call respect and courtesy to each other no doubt he didn't do it often but when he do it it concern the whole family like the other time when he became a gurantor to any Tom , Dick or Harry the guy ran and he got to pay more than S$ 30K. Money to me is just a number but what important is trust once you break it you have a very difficult task to mend it.
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replied December 31st, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Number One Most Important Relationship Rule:

Separate Bank Accounts.

This immediately eliminates all potential arguments over who is doing what with who's money.
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replied December 31st, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Birch wrote:
Number One Most Important Relationship Rule:

Separate Bank Accounts.

This immediately eliminates all potential arguments over who is doing what with who's money.



Thanks Birch I'll keep that in mind.
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replied December 31st, 2007
Especially eHealthy
birch has a great idea lol
i would NEVER be able to share an acct with travis
wed go insane
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replied December 31st, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Hahahaha me too but here we do need an account together for some transaction like housing, utility bills etc however I do have an account a personal one I mean and I know that he have not one but a few with money that he can't withdraw (his mom kept it since birth)
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replied November 30th, 2009
I have separate accounts but my husband buys big items anyway because he figures I'll pick up the slack. His most recent purchase: a new 2009 car for his mom...20,000. I am livid. He says he'll handle the payment but it still doesn't balance out...men are idiots but I feel like the bigger fool for putting up with his butt.
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replied November 30th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Birch wrote:
Number One Most Important Relationship Rule:

Separate Bank Accounts.

This immediately eliminates all potential arguments over who is doing what with who's money.


I would never be in a long term relationship with someone who keeps a separate bank account or identifies purchases we make togather as yours or mine. The point of unions is to work togather as a team. If I want to be separated and independant I'll just date people and not have to deal with their drama.

Hart74
Your husband made a bad move but I don't see anything in your post that indicated that he snuck it behind your back. It was right in the bank records and visible on the car. He just didn't feel that it needed discussion. If his reaction was that he doesn't need your approval because of what you spend on your own needs it sounds really clearly like he has some dissapointments about your spending as well. I think its probably a sign that you two should sit down and better define the home economic policy, what purchases need to be discussed and how you will better communicate concerns about what the family's money is spent on.
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replied November 30th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
i think if you are a couple then you should discuss these things together because even if you do have separate accounts you are still living together..i mean what would your husband say if u went out and booked a holiday for you and your female friends do you think he would say ok honey have a nice 2 weeks love you! No he would go mad at you so its the same thing hun..Jenny
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replied December 4th, 2009
i agree with wolf, marriage should be a team to make things easier on each other, i totally understand where your coming from because that happened to me when i first got with my husband. i was always dissapointed and feeling way out of the relationship but with some talking me and my husband learned more of each other and talked about what was making us unhappy. one of mine was his decision making with out consultating with me, after he told me his reasons for not telling me i noticed it wasnt that he was trying to be mean or go behind my back, its just that men have a totally different way of seeing things and we get sad and blue really quick when we think our man is excluting us. my recommendation is to talk to ur husband, approach him calmlly and try not to argue because it will only make things worst. try to talk and listen to each other and make compromises, at the end of the day this is the person you chose to live with and spend the rest of your life with and be happy. so talk and talk, good luck
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replied December 4th, 2009
the best cure would be for you to each have your own money, do away with the credit cards and what not and use cash.
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