Womens Chat Forum - Can I Please Just Vent?

Yes I have been seriously thinking about going to counseling for this. Maybe even couple counseling. I have done it before and it really helped. I think its me who has the problem. I think I may need medication. I have a pattern and I have always had this pattern even as a kid. I cannot what so ever control my anger and I usually hurt myself, something or someone. I am not suicidal, but i do have thoughts of cutting myself or hitting something. Its like I need an outlet. The problems started when we let our friend Doug live with us. My hubby turned into this lazy obnoxious man just like Doug. They both didnt work for the 3 entire months Doug was here. I was paying all of the bills and going to school. They would stay out all night and wake me up during the week. They never cleaned or helped out. Also Daniel and I were in AA for a long time. Our entire relationship had been built on being sober. Then last march i relapsed. I have been using (drinking) since then,but I never told anyone. Then Daniel relapsed in October. So all of these things have changed and the result is that we just arent the same people anymore. He is different than the man I fell in love with and I am not the same either. So when he drank I put the entire blame on him. We nearly broke up because he drank again. We finally got past that and I finally told him that I had been using the entire time. Now we are both drinking occasionally at parties and stuff. I am not even sure if the drinking fits into all this. I just feel mad because now that he drinks and parties he doesnt do anything again. He got fired again and has lied to me repeatingly. He only lies about small stuff but its still a lie and it still hurts just as bad. He isnt sober even one day now. All he does is smoke pot all day. So we cant seem to find any balance lately. Even our sex life has taken a down fall. I just get so mad at him, like why does he not see the same as me anymore? Why are things so different. I try to have heart to hearts but I feel like I am never heard.

Like his friends coming over during work nights. or asking him to be sober sometimes. or asking him to not smoke pot in the house, or asking him not to lie to me anymore.

He just doesnt think these things are that important. I am very sorry if this post is very long. I cant see a therapist and I cant call anyone to talk. The only one that I have to talk to is Daniel and he just cant help me with these issue because they are about him.

Thank you to all who actually reads this.