I just dont' knwo where to go for help with this. I have been with the same person for 5 years we ended up getting a house with another one of our coworkers. Last week my other told me they wanted to be single and just take a break. I was hurt, but I love them enough to let them go. It's so hard to still live with this person as it is. I can't sleep i can't eat. I feel like i can't do anything. They tell me they still care about me and no matter what I'm their girl ans best friend ect ect. Now i find out that our roomate and this ass are shacking up together at night. I dont' think they are havign sex. I know this person would be honest with me if i asked and i did., but they are basically saying they can't pick what they want and they are confused. I was just getting used to the living together but being seperate thing. this however i can't deal with. I'm not in a position financialy where i can just pick up and leave, but i'm so depressed i dont' know what to do with myself. I just need a friend to help me. I'm so sad i just cry and cry whenever for no reason driving talking to people. At night i stay up all night i don't sleep. I don't know how many more days i can go on like this. I spent 5 years with this person and I love them and we have been through some major things together. I know they still care for me, but this is insain. I can't go on what do i do??? I'm sorry for my spelling I can't concentrate right now.
oh.. I'm sorry, but the bottom line is there isn't anything you can do to make them want you. All you can do is take care of yourself. Try not to think about it and keep busy and excerise so you will get tired and be able to sleep. Eat well.
I know the pain you are feeling and it's not fun! But please don't think about it.. time really does heal.
You really don't want anyone that is having second thoughts about wanting you!!!
I have had the same exact thing happen to me, I cried and cried and cried until I couldnt cry anymore... but really I think that is the best thing you can do... cry it out and dont bottle it up inside, and it is true that time heals. I mean you have to go through the stages.... I was upset, sad, lonely, resentful, vindictive, sad again, upset again, and eventually it mellowed out over time, Im not saying that its easy... and you may make one step and fall back two, sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, but you will heal, trust me.... I didnt think i could live afterwards but I did, and sometimes I still think about him a little bit, and my heart sinks when I see his picture... but I look back at the past and I know that if he ever got down on his hands and knees today, it would never be the same because of how he hurt me.... Take everyday one step at a time and you'll get better
It's just so hard right now thank you both for your help. I just don't understand he dosn't want me to cut ties altogether, but dosn't want to share a room. Wants to hang out do road trips, but wants to be alone too. Why after 5 years of happiness. i mean totally compleately in love. Not even a glimer of a thought that we would be apart and then bam Christmas eve i want to break up. Now i have too see him right now at work
It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too...He is wrong and you did nothing wrong and you may never get the complete answers to why he is doing what he is doing because he's being an idiot. At this point he knows you can't and won't leave but in all honesty the best thing for you to do is to cut all ties and get as far away as possible because by you being there daily and seeing him is self torture and he is getting what he wants out of it. I am sorry to say that but you deserve SO much more than this and you should tell him that you want out completely because you can't in no way continue this way. If you live in a home you bought together tell him to buy you out of it. If you are renting tell him that you want out and are planning on saving everything to move out...also if you have family (I know this sucks) that you can go and live with and save money then that is the best thing for you, I did it with a small child and I was sick at the thought of it and doing it but it was what was best for us and it really worked out for us..I consider it a hump I had to get over. I cut my losses and just up and left with only my and my child's clothes and everything in my apartment was in my name and mine but I couldn't stay. Financially it sucked but within a few months I was able to get back to where I was and everything worked out for the better. If you need to talk you can PM me. I hope that it works out for you.
Thank you womaninpain. It is so hard seeing him at work. We just talked and he is saying eh jsut watns to get out there. I think now that we are getting older he wants to try new things/ people. Is it wrong for me to be okay with breaking up for a whiel and doing whatever and comign back. ? He said he dosnt' want that other person and made a mistake to think about getting into soemthing and i do believe it. Thats what makes it so hard for me. we have an honesty and trust in each other that i know is on in a million. No lies and i know it's not soem game. He and i both still want to hang out, but i knwo he watns to basically go out and mess around with new people. I dont' really mind this that much i think it's a good idea we cool off, btu it hurts b/c of the uncertanty of not being back together. I'm 23 and have been with this person sicne i was 19. I know we are btoh young, but it's not teenage love. I knwo it's real. I had realtionships b/f, but i know they were jsut childish games. This I gusse is my first broken adult heart. I'm just having a hard time coping.
Everyone needs time to cope but don't place all of your eggs in one basket and wait for him. You are young and have so much life in you and it's not worth it to wait for him to get this out of his system...who knows what will happen maybe he will get it out and it will all be ok but what if he never gets it out of his system and your waiting years, or what if while he is out playing around he meets someone else and realizes that he changed his mind about coming back when he's done and he settles...then you are sitting there just waiting. I did this same thing that you are doing but there was a child involved when I was about 23 (not that long ago either) and I waited and he kept playing back and forth and it hurt more and more..I finally let him go and started living my life, made new friends, did new things, went on vacations, and had a great time and just dealt with the fact that it will never be again. To my surprise 2 years after we stopped talking and seeing each other we ran into each other and he explained what a jerk he was for leaving and thought that we could try again. I had my guard up and didn't really want to at first and I laid down the law for him telling him I wouldn't put up with being second best or last and I will be the only one in his life and we are settling down or he can walk right through the door he came in...that was 4 years ago and we are married now and happy...the point of my story is that you have to live your life and yes you have to grieve over this for a while for sure but if you grieve for too long you will get into a deeper funk and only wait for him longer...so live your life and as much as it hurts and as hard as it is do what you have to do for you and if it happens it happens, if not then that's ok you will find someone more deserving...but if you sit there and wait for him he will know you are waiting and let you wait if you leave and do your thing he will realize he could be losing the best thing in his life.